So I’ve been at this job since March. In that time I’ve been punched, kicked and caught a headbutt in the eye. Well, this week I think the worst thing happened. My student got sent to the hospital. What’s more I know that I’ve seen him for the last time. It amazes me how, despite all the days he’s pissed me off or upset me that I’m bothered by the fact that I won’t be with him anymore. I understand it but to a degree it becomes hard to rationalize. My main issue is that despite all the things I’ve witnessed with this boy it was something that would have only been a small blip on the radar done in front of the right person that got him an emergency stay in a hospital.There was already a plan in place to send him to a residential facility next school year, but this sudden departure doesn’t do him justice. Perhaps he does need the stay…but I don’t thik it should have come this way. When I consider all the things I’ve seen and that these same people made a determination that he was fine in our school, it bothers me more that a smaller episode is suddenly cause for alarm. I’ve seen him do things that made me worry for him. I have also seen him demonstrate that he has a large heart. So I leave with this…keep in mind that as I witnessed this I had been informed that he would be hospitalized about 10 minutes before.

So we had a fair and one of the events was a dunking booth with some administrators and including the principal. He missed on his first few rounds, but when the second person got in the booth he scored a hit. He first chose a nerf hoop set and 30 seconds later he put it back and took a large plush Buzz Lightyear doll. All the staff present kind of stared at him. About a minute later I see he doesn’t have it anymore so I ask what happened. He just points at one of the little kids…now running around with a plush Buzz Lightyear doll.

It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have issues, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be hospitalized. But I will miss the chance to work with him and try to impart some wisdom.

“Even his griefs are a joy long after to one that remembers all that he wrought and endured.”
Homer (800 BC - 700 BC), The Odyssey

So I’ve been at my new job for almost a month. I’m not the type to make assumptions about things, but my school has a label. It’s a Level 5 school. So you assume, kids with issues and so forth. Mind you I’ve worked with kids…hell since I was basically a kid. I know you can’t make broad judgements about groups of people. Today I was involved in a hold…basically a kid was kirking out and you have to hold them to prevent them from hurting themselves or someone else. The thing is there are always issues but this one kind of broke my heart when I found out the reason for the students blow-up. Basically a silly young boy is dating a girl with self-esteem issues. He has her, but he also will rip on her to look good in front of others. She wanted to beat him up…and probably would have if not restrained. However, the human side of it came out when staff tried to find out what caused the issue. She cried and thrashed and eventually her focus went from hurting him to saying how she hated herself. One thing that I’m learning about these students is that despite their issues and even the fact that they aren’t willing to talk…they can be incredibly honest. They will also hit someone directly in the mouth. The difference in these kids is that once the fight is over, the beef is over. They don’t hold on to it. However, this was a scenario where a young girl had been holding on to something and let it go for that moment. If I wasn’t the way I am I could have cried for that girl this morning. If it was appropriate I would have kissed her on the forehead and told her to forget that silly boy…especially since I’ve spent the last few days calling him out.

So I got a new job. What sucks is I have to be there at 7:30 so I don’t have the buffer time I used to. I do get home around 4:00 so that’s cool. I find that I’m tired when I get home now. I’m at a Level 5 school as a One to One. Basically I’m assigned a student and it’s my job to make sure he stays on task and intervene before he flips out and/or punches someone. It’s kind of a tricky job. You know what you have to do, but the thing is you have to stay on top of things because anything can cause an issue. These are kids that many of them are actually smart, but they have emotional issues. So getting frustrated with classwork can become a crisis…not a crisis like, “I’ll never finish this task.” but “He’s trying to choke out the kid sitting next to him.” My student seems cool, but I’ve been warned that his facial expression doesn’t always reflect what he’s feeling. So he will start swinging while he has a smile on his face. Plus everyone seems to use his first and last name.

I was working out before I started this job, but it’s given me motivation to keep up my routine. As my team member said during a training (a training about the permitted holds) “our kids often get that ’special’ strength.” So once I get certified I’ll be taking a kid down with a move like this:

In other news:
The Noisettes are dope.
I’m trying to get to running a mile at close to top speed without being overly out of breath.

“Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.”
Rodin (1840 - 1917)

I’m wasting away…well not really. I just have a bunch of time on my hands right now. I’m reading, watching Netflix, working out, sending resumes, writing things, looking up possible classes to take (but that probably won’t start until summer). I even tracked down debts I have and started paying them off…I’ll have great credit and nothing to buy. You know it’ s bad when someone looks for bills to pay out of boredom. The really killer thing about time is thinking. Every possibility comes to mind. What’s bad is so many possiblities aren’t about the present. So when you run out of things to do you can only keep thinking. I’ve thought about buying a bike and just riding it around the city. I’d never seen The Shining so I ordered it on Netflix…then I realized I might as well read it instead so I went and bought the book. This is also one of those situaitons where I really wish I didn’t read so fast. I put it down to try and save some for later, but I always end up tearing through books and I still absorb them fully. I even bought some H.P. Lovecraft, but I don’t think we mesh well. I’m sure he was scary in his day, but 1) reading Stephen King since you were 13 makes you a little immune. 2) Lovecrafts style is kind of old. I’m sure when people received info via letters he was more effective…but it’s like if I blogged about something scary that happened to me. You know I’m ok cause I got to write it. Perhaps I’m just ruined by television and movies. If I had more money and less desire to work I might leave town for a while…I’m considering it anyway. I’ve always had an issue with thinking a bit much…doesn’t help that I tend to visualize things either. The difference is normally things are going on to break up my thoughts. I’ll probably start running in addition to lifting weights, but I know myself so I’ll be thinking while I run. As much as I value intelligence and thinking things through I realize now there is something beyond overthinking things. I’m going to start writing lists of all the things I learn over this time. Luckily I have an empty book I can use. I might just do it in calligraphy…just because it will take longer. The real problem about having time to think is that you think of more immediate things first…then you act on them. After that you only have thoughts of the past and the future that’s out of reach. Whenever something pops up that I can do something about I jump on it…then I wish it had taken longer. I wish I still had my guitar. Maybe that’s what I should buy. I always did have the fingers for it.

What is love worth? If you really think you have something, how much effort should you exert to hold on to it. Especially if you don’t have to sacrifice your goals or dreams? Something you guys may not know about me. I’ve never really fought for a relationship….to be honest I don’t think I’ve had much beyond dating and fun until recently. However, if you have a problem that can be worked past, shouldn’t you work on that? Let me know.

I promised I would get more updates in. I just have something going on that I’m trying to work out. Too bad for you I can’t really think about much else. I will say this though, what sucks about not working is the free time. I’ve been working out and planning things and even doing some stuff and I still end up with several hours a day to just think. I’ll be back around though.