“The Welfare of the People is the Ultimate Law”

Monday I ventured out into the world, I should have took my kendo stick with me. I know that shopping areas are rife with confusion right before xmas. I forgot about the day after. I figured I’d go out and spend my $25 best buy card that I got at our office party (holiday bonus). People descended on that store like it was the apocolypse. Sale items were vanishing left and right. There was a line to get to the checkout line. Mothers were putting childrens toys back cause they didn’t want to wait. Dogs and Cats were living together…whoops, never mind. Any way you get the idea, it was hectic. I was actually hoping we might get a post-Xmas sale fight for our viewing pleasure, no such luck. I swear besides the there isn’t a Santa Claus (and my trauma as a result) that shopping is another reason to just have some dinner and skip the gift aspect of things. Oh…I already do. So now I present to you things people need:

1) Women…simply put. At least I do. They’re soft and smell nice, they usually care what happens to you and they’re fun for…various reasons.

2) Parties…a dinner party for 6, a house party, a dance til you sweat party. Large groups of people enjoying themselves.

3) Beer…that’s right even ancestors agree with me.

4) Sick Days…what would life be if we couldn’t roll over and decide not to go to work. If I couldn’t look at the alarm clock and say those beautiful words ” I just don’t feel like it.”

5) Holiday Dinners…I may not celebrate the days, but I live for the food. If I could work it out we would have at least one day a month where everyone got together and a multi-course meal went down. I’m going back to my momma’s house tonight to get another plate..and some cookies and pie.

6) Star Wars…I don’t care what you think, these movies opened my mind at a young age and helped me become who I am. I would be concerned about being teased, but I’ve benched like 284 and I know who to REALLY use a knife.

7) The Internet…Some may disagree, but for someone like me who loves to read it’s nice to know that any question on any bit of info is just a click away.

8) Music…It urges me to speed, relaxes me, makes me dance, sets any mood.

9) Spirit…Why we aren’t broken, why we rise from the ashes to be greater…though when an asshole has a strong spirit it can be bad for the rest of us.

10) Famo…if you can’t turn around and know someone supports you what’s the use. Who would I share jokes. Who would I say things too that would make other people run away. Don’t think strictly blood either…y’know the Whodini quote…”How many of us have them?”

“I knew her when she was just hey hoe.”
Jamie Foxx

I have a long standing argument with guys that J.Lo is not all that. I don’t know what it was that got her so much attention, but she never got it from me. If the nice ass was it there’s plenty of sistas that have that and some other chicas. So today I present to you…LATINA WOMEN I PREFER OVER J.LO

Eva Mendes
If you saw Hitch you know her trunk is not empty.

Vida Guerra
Cheek to Cheek she has J.Lo beat…she did do the dummy move by taking nude pics of herself with her camera phone for some hacker to find and put on the net.

Salma Hayek
Sultry, sultry , sultry.

Paz Vega
Not only did I love here in Spanlish, but she’s hot.

Carmen Miranda
Yeah I said it..She brought Samba music to the U.S. and is beloved by drag queens everywhere. Chiquita even based their trademark on her.

Sheila E. (Escovedo
Daughter of a Latin Jazz Legend she could be my drummer any day.

There you have it…discuss amongst yourselves…or rather leave a comment.

” Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way. “
Frank Costanza

Welcome, new comers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it!

Happy Festivus Everyone!!!

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
Jilly Cooper

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I have been tracking some differences over the past few weeks between the two sexes. Some of this may get me in trouble, but I’m gonna put it out there.
So here are some observations and examples.

Birthday: So me and my man’s birthdays were in the last few weeks. A couple days before his I speak to the folks that he lives with and they talk about wanting to do something for him. Keep in mind the predominant force here is female as the only other male member of the house is 16. So they want me to contact people and get them to the house to celebrate and get a cake and so on. I do my part, but as the time draws near they feel as though they aren’t doing enough. I say ” Ya’ll are actually kinda going overboard.” They ask why. I say for real knowing myself and having known him since the 8th grade, he really doesn’t want a big deal. They want more detail. I say you’d be best served just fixing a meal and getting a cake. NO CANDLES AND DON’T SING!!! They want to know why. I respond, “His inital answer to the question of what do you want to do was…sit around and sulk.” Maybe not glamorous, but that’s what he wanted to do. I’m then told of how last year they put on a big production and sang and everything and he liked it then. I say he was being polite, it would be rude to turn your back on someone trying to show appreciation for you. To back up my point he set up an interview for a promotions position on his birthday. The course of the evening I’m going over this with three ladies and they just don’t seem to understand. I try to tell them that while we dig the recognition and the fact that someone remembers, all the hoopla isn’t what we want. I said he would be happy if ya’ll plopped a cake on the table and he got a piece before he crashed for the night. They said no we need to do it up. Even in the store I asked the random white guy standing behind us if he really wanted candles and singing on his birthday, I’m sure he was going to agree, but when the sista cast her gaze upon him it must have reminded him of his wife or something cause he started stuttering and mumbling about how he didn’t mind. I contest that (most) men aren’t really into all that attention. Rather we like the attention, but in a certain way. I’d rather have everyone tell me individually happy birthday in a casual way than have them all around me singing. I just don’t know how to react. Tell me what ya’ll think on this. (He agrees with me by the way.)

Shopping: Ah yes the infamous mall trip. While I wanted to disprove this sterotype I can’t. All evidence points to it’s validity. Evidence that has made me say I will never go with a woman who wants to look at shoes…I’ve ruined whole days like this in the past. It is my contention that 9 times out of ten the two genders shop as follows:

Man - Would like some kicks. Forms an image if not a detailed vision of what he wants. Goes to the store and says: I want a pair of Black Adidas Shellheads size 10 1/2. No I don’t need socks. No I don’t want to try them on.

Woman - (I don’t know the thought process so I can only recount it as I see it. Woman goes to shoe store starts looking in a section begins trying on pair after pair asks the opinion of the person who is with her. Sees something on sale, debates if the sale price vs. the style makes them a viable purchase. Tries them on, asks for an opinion. Moves on to another pair cause they look really fierce…around her I start to fall asleep and give weak responses like: All of it looks good just buy what you want or shoot me. In fairness I will say that women have more choices in clothing and shoes than men do…but I don’t want to go shopping with them.

Feel free to post your enraged statements…now.

“Pleas let these people shoot their eye out.”

I’m kinda peeved over this “Christmas vs. Holiday” issue as of late. The thing is I don’t agree with either side. I’d like them both to get wet with spiked egg-nog and go pass out somewhere. For those who don’t know. A lot of christians are miffed at the fact that stores and places are putting more emphasis on saying/displaying things like “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. Bill O’Reily mentioned how it wasn’t an insult to non-christians to hear merry christmas, but it is an insult for them to hear happy holidays. This whole debate is asinine. I don’t think anyone should care either way. Say whatever the hell you want. Since I’m not Jewish should I be offended when I hear someone mention Hanukkah? All of these people make me sick. My biggest fear comes from something that should be good. I know we’re in the age of Aquarius and people should start moving to spiritual things, but the way I see it happening is scaring me. People are pushing for silly issues with a religious base and pushing them HARD. I don’t care if people wanna wish me happy plaid skirt day. I’ll just say the same to you. I might start saying Happy Christmahanukwanzaka to piss people off. This is one of the dumbest debates ever in history. I don’t know what’s wrong with people these days. I think we need to go back to my mothers old adage…pull them close with one hand and smack the hell out of them with the other. I swear people suck.

“A private nigga moment embarasses you, a public nigga moment shames the whole race.”

This is more of a question than an actual post I guess. I was just wondering how people are feeling the Boondocks cartoon. The first episode I saw didn’t really move me, but as the episodes progress I like it more and more. The Boondocks was the only reason I bothered to read the paper. I mean when you can get your news off the net I figure I might as well keep my change for parking meters. Not only did I love the Boondocks, but I loved the fact that it seemed to scare mainstream America so much. I was talking to a friend in San Diego while it was on one night and she said they don’t have it in their paper and she has to buy the LA Times just to read it. The thing I realized after a few episodes was that instead of an external kind of view the cartoon is going internal. The strip might talk about whatever stupid thing Bush did this week. The cartoon tends to focus on the stupid things we do, watch and are involved in. As a matter of fact it makes me want to test the chair theory. Theory being that if you throw a chair in a crowd full of black people it’ll start a riot…even if no one gets hit. Anyway let me know what ya’ll think, in the mean time I have to remember to bring a folding chair to my next all-staff meeting.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
Lord Byron (1788 - 1824)

I have said before that I often burst into fits unprovoked laughter. Someone once told me I sound like the love child of the Joker and the Count from Seasame Street. Besides the fact that half of my co-workers think I’m crazy and wonder what the hell is so funny, it feels pretty good. Actually it feels good when no one knows whats going on. Sometimes I see something that triggers a thought or memory. Sometimes a thought or memory just hits me. Hell if I say a certain phrase to myself I can’t help but laugh…funny how I don’t laugh at the dudes on comicview isn’t it. Anyway I give you all a few reasons I might have a laughing fit.

This commercial kills me. Not because there are neanderthals. Not because one of them orders the roast duck with the mango salsa. When dude says he’s lost his appetite and just grits on the Geico representative I lose it and I don’t know why.

For those of you who’ve seen Paid in Full (or if you haven’t) there is a scene where the main character has been shot (and is hemmed up and bed ridden). He’s explaining that he doesn’t breathe the same and won’t walk the same when his “man” (played by Cam’ron) Says, “People get shot everyday A.” Then he sends me all the way over the edge when he says, “Tuck ya man in, get him some soup and I’ll catch ya’ll later.” You just gotta see it.

Beyond the fact that this episode features Elaine’s seizure like dancing, the end is a special treat for me. After being arrested for bootlegging movies George sits in the police station crying. His father bursts in loudly and blames the situation on Elaines employee because “my son isn’t smart enough to hatch a scheme like this.” When Elaine says, “You got that right” the next comment and all that follows are pure comedy for me…

Frank: My George isn’t clever enough to hatch a scheme like this.

Frank: You wanna piece of me? You got it!

“Make my beats faggot!” This one is new, an excerpt from an interview with CL Smooth about some comments Pete Rock made about him. You gotta read this one.

“No way I’m disco dancing.”

Being out saturday I got to observe more sucky behavior on the part of dudes so like Mighty Mouse…here I come to save the day!

1) Unless you make eye contact don’t stare. I assure you that either a girlfriend or a dude that knows your target are cracking jokes into her ear about you…especially if I’m the one who knows her…you loser.

2) Be natural: I’ve been approached more while just doing my thing than I have while posted up in some bar. Besides I show more when I do my little turn on the cat walk (or dance floor) than some guy who tries to preserve his creases while swilling beer all night.

3) Be sober! There is nothing I love like watching some stupid, drunk jerk try to get some girls number. The mumbling, the slurring, the incoherence. Actually forget this one…that way I’ll have something to laugh at.

4) Work the group. Now when I say this I don’t mean go up to a group ask one for her number and then work down the line til someone says yes. I mean it’s easier to work a group of women then one (if you’re having trouble). A group of three ladies gives you a much better chance to have something to make a witty response to. Plus you get a chance to show your manners as you decide who you want to single in on.

5) Do something without wanting anything in return. Remember this…you and your boys talk about which girls you’ve hit. Those girls talk about alot more than that. As you go through interacting remember to just be the man. Even when you aren’t interested in a girl treat her like the joint. Light her cigarette, hold the door, etc. Trust me…the girl you want is reading some magazine article right now that says if you don’t hold the door for other women that in 2 months she’ll discover you were always a jerk.

“The prodigal son has returned…now leave him alone.”

My vacation is over, sadly. Even though I took a slick day yesterday. Any week off is good despite mine being interupted at it’s start by doing things for work…sucks much! I got my attention tuesday, but saturday night I let loose down Eden’s Lounge. I saw mad people…I mean like people I never expected to see. Me and the usual suspects danced younger folks to bed..HA, old my ass! Ya’ll better take some vitamins or something next time youngins. I had fun with my peoples…an irish car bomb…my official I’m drinking drink. This ain’t no pansy sipping drink my friend drop the shot and guzzle the glass.

I also had an interaction with a drunken dude I don’t like. He wanted to make sure there was no beef between us…I think. He was drunk and mumbling and I couldn’t really understand him save saying “That’s all I want”. Sad thing is I had no plans to attack this guy in any way. I just don’t like him anymore. Oh well. I also got to watch dudes stare at the sister how initiated the idea of me celebrating that evening. It’s funny how dudes stare down women instead of just approaching them…I mean I was dancing with her, but hell a friend of mine once walked up on a girl who was talking to a guy and said, “When you finish with him I’ll be over here.” and that worked. At least it’s better than staring at someone in hopes that you catch their eye. I hate when men suck like that, it means I have to step up my game. Anyway since I am at work I’ll actually go do some…ciao.