The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
Jilly Cooper

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I have been tracking some differences over the past few weeks between the two sexes. Some of this may get me in trouble, but I’m gonna put it out there.
So here are some observations and examples.

Birthday: So me and my man’s birthdays were in the last few weeks. A couple days before his I speak to the folks that he lives with and they talk about wanting to do something for him. Keep in mind the predominant force here is female as the only other male member of the house is 16. So they want me to contact people and get them to the house to celebrate and get a cake and so on. I do my part, but as the time draws near they feel as though they aren’t doing enough. I say ” Ya’ll are actually kinda going overboard.” They ask why. I say for real knowing myself and having known him since the 8th grade, he really doesn’t want a big deal. They want more detail. I say you’d be best served just fixing a meal and getting a cake. NO CANDLES AND DON’T SING!!! They want to know why. I respond, “His inital answer to the question of what do you want to do was…sit around and sulk.” Maybe not glamorous, but that’s what he wanted to do. I’m then told of how last year they put on a big production and sang and everything and he liked it then. I say he was being polite, it would be rude to turn your back on someone trying to show appreciation for you. To back up my point he set up an interview for a promotions position on his birthday. The course of the evening I’m going over this with three ladies and they just don’t seem to understand. I try to tell them that while we dig the recognition and the fact that someone remembers, all the hoopla isn’t what we want. I said he would be happy if ya’ll plopped a cake on the table and he got a piece before he crashed for the night. They said no we need to do it up. Even in the store I asked the random white guy standing behind us if he really wanted candles and singing on his birthday, I’m sure he was going to agree, but when the sista cast her gaze upon him it must have reminded him of his wife or something cause he started stuttering and mumbling about how he didn’t mind. I contest that (most) men aren’t really into all that attention. Rather we like the attention, but in a certain way. I’d rather have everyone tell me individually happy birthday in a casual way than have them all around me singing. I just don’t know how to react. Tell me what ya’ll think on this. (He agrees with me by the way.)

Shopping: Ah yes the infamous mall trip. While I wanted to disprove this sterotype I can’t. All evidence points to it’s validity. Evidence that has made me say I will never go with a woman who wants to look at shoes…I’ve ruined whole days like this in the past. It is my contention that 9 times out of ten the two genders shop as follows:

Man - Would like some kicks. Forms an image if not a detailed vision of what he wants. Goes to the store and says: I want a pair of Black Adidas Shellheads size 10 1/2. No I don’t need socks. No I don’t want to try them on.

Woman - (I don’t know the thought process so I can only recount it as I see it. Woman goes to shoe store starts looking in a section begins trying on pair after pair asks the opinion of the person who is with her. Sees something on sale, debates if the sale price vs. the style makes them a viable purchase. Tries them on, asks for an opinion. Moves on to another pair cause they look really fierce…around her I start to fall asleep and give weak responses like: All of it looks good just buy what you want or shoot me. In fairness I will say that women have more choices in clothing and shoes than men do…but I don’t want to go shopping with them.

Feel free to post your enraged statements…now.