Gender Differences (no birthday song)
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
Jilly Cooper
Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
Friedrich Nietzsche
I have been tracking some differences over the past few weeks between the two sexes. Some of this may get me in trouble, but I’m gonna put it out there.
So here are some observations and examples.
Birthday: So me and my man’s birthdays were in the last few weeks. A couple days before his I speak to the folks that he lives with and they talk about wanting to do something for him. Keep in mind the predominant force here is female as the only other male member of the house is 16. So they want me to contact people and get them to the house to celebrate and get a cake and so on. I do my part, but as the time draws near they feel as though they aren’t doing enough. I say ” Ya’ll are actually kinda going overboard.” They ask why. I say for real knowing myself and having known him since the 8th grade, he really doesn’t want a big deal. They want more detail. I say you’d be best served just fixing a meal and getting a cake. NO CANDLES AND DON’T SING!!! They want to know why. I respond, “His inital answer to the question of what do you want to do was…sit around and sulk.” Maybe not glamorous, but that’s what he wanted to do. I’m then told of how last year they put on a big production and sang and everything and he liked it then. I say he was being polite, it would be rude to turn your back on someone trying to show appreciation for you. To back up my point he set up an interview for a promotions position on his birthday. The course of the evening I’m going over this with three ladies and they just don’t seem to understand. I try to tell them that while we dig the recognition and the fact that someone remembers, all the hoopla isn’t what we want. I said he would be happy if ya’ll plopped a cake on the table and he got a piece before he crashed for the night. They said no we need to do it up. Even in the store I asked the random white guy standing behind us if he really wanted candles and singing on his birthday, I’m sure he was going to agree, but when the sista cast her gaze upon him it must have reminded him of his wife or something cause he started stuttering and mumbling about how he didn’t mind. I contest that (most) men aren’t really into all that attention. Rather we like the attention, but in a certain way. I’d rather have everyone tell me individually happy birthday in a casual way than have them all around me singing. I just don’t know how to react. Tell me what ya’ll think on this. (He agrees with me by the way.)
Shopping: Ah yes the infamous mall trip. While I wanted to disprove this sterotype I can’t. All evidence points to it’s validity. Evidence that has made me say I will never go with a woman who wants to look at shoes…I’ve ruined whole days like this in the past. It is my contention that 9 times out of ten the two genders shop as follows:
Man - Would like some kicks. Forms an image if not a detailed vision of what he wants. Goes to the store and says: I want a pair of Black Adidas Shellheads size 10 1/2. No I don’t need socks. No I don’t want to try them on.
Woman - (I don’t know the thought process so I can only recount it as I see it. Woman goes to shoe store starts looking in a section begins trying on pair after pair asks the opinion of the person who is with her. Sees something on sale, debates if the sale price vs. the style makes them a viable purchase. Tries them on, asks for an opinion. Moves on to another pair cause they look really fierce…around her I start to fall asleep and give weak responses like: All of it looks good just buy what you want or shoot me. In fairness I will say that women have more choices in clothing and shoes than men do…but I don’t want to go shopping with them.
Feel free to post your enraged statements…now.
SMH…cause I agree…with every thing!!
Shoe shopping is sacred and should not be desecrated by the impatience of small children and men; unless said man is gay! lol
When Former SO and I were together, we shopped together ONE time and made a commitment to Neva eva eva eva eva do it again together…it probably kept him alive and me sane! lolol
Comment by Icey — December 19, 2005 @ 6:18 pm
nah, i’m not enraged at all. those are your experiences, even they don’t gel with mine.
frankly, i’m not one to get hyped over purchasing shoes. i generally check them out online first, then head to the store and just by them. it’s an added plus if i can just buy them online. i hate shopping.
as for the guy and the birthday thing, i must be surrounded by a bunch of freaks, cuz all of the guys i know want the big to do. they want the cake and the presents and the hoopla and they get really pissy if they don’t get it.
Comment by nikki — December 19, 2005 @ 7:12 pm
I completely agree with you.
I wouldn’t put anyone I love through the torture of accompanying me on a shopping excursion. I’ll try on each and every shoe in the store if I have time, and even if I don’t. There’s no rhyme or reason to it; it’s an innate talent that we have.
As for the party — I don’t waste my time trying to explain shit to hardheaded people. Anybody with some common sense knows that they can ditch the cake and the presents and the song, and give bruh’man a little birthday butt. That should do him just fine. By the sound of his birthday wish “sit around and sulk,” he could probably use some.
Have him holla at me.
CTFU!
Comment by NinaMM — December 19, 2005 @ 8:57 pm
I will shop until I literally drop and still not manage to buy a single shoe. But, get this, I would never even dream of taking a man shopping with me. If I find myself near shoe store with a man in my company, I might walk inside and briefly point out one or two that are remarkable but I wouldn’t dare try one on.
Comment by God's Child — December 20, 2005 @ 7:52 pm
Shoe shopping is sacred. The only thing better than purchasing new shoes is the affirmation that my shit is tight.
As far as the birthday thing, after a certain age, I got out of the wanting a big party thing. A big party after, say, 25, is more for the people that are looking for something to do than the actual birthday boy/girl.
Comment by Breez — December 20, 2005 @ 10:55 pm
I must say I am not a mall shopper or big on shopping. I usually know what I want and go in and get it. If I don’t see it then I’m out except for shoes. I am just like the woman in this post when it comes the shoe shopping.
Comment by jelli — December 21, 2005 @ 6:34 pm
I actually had a birthday gathering and it got kinda big. it was cool and all but yea I cringed when they did the cake cuttin complete with candles and singing. my idea of the gathering was completely different from the wife though, i was like lets get some food, i got the music and everything else will take care of itself. she was like oh we need decorations and a cake and appetizers and desert and started making a big production of the thing. I was like food, music, drinks and the masses will follow
Comment by jdid — December 22, 2005 @ 2:03 pm
it s funny, as much as i am so fucking female in some things i am not in others. including shopping. i am the exception to the rule. yes, i know what i want, but mostly they don’t have it in my size (10) (FUCK!) i freak out when having to be longer in a mall than 30 min. like the other day with my sister, who, no kidding, tried on 50 fucking two piece suits and i had to carry them all and adive her! jesus, thats like fucking testing wine! after a while everything tastes the fucking same!!!
so the way i get new shoes or clothes is, for anyone interested (not that it would matter) is as follows:
1. my sister drags me to a store and explains i can’t live on walking around like i do
2. i fall in love and spontaneously buy a lot of hot stuff but in a rush not planned
3. i realize ten minutes before a movie permiere that i do’t have shoes for this fucking gown, run into a store, find the boots i wanted since three years, buy them for gods sake, (no, no CD’s this month darling!!!) (i know i could download or copy but i like CD’s you fuckers!) and run to the premier..clack clack clack.
i like birthdays with singing and all that. yeah.
and i still hate my sister for having me carry her fucking 50 suits. she was the one who took me shoe shoppping when i was seven and we went through ALL the shoe stores in our city just to return to the first one in the end and buy the shoes we tried there. why in the fuck is she so paranoid to miss something out????
Comment by piranha — December 30, 2005 @ 8:12 am
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Another non shopping woman here. I especially hate shopping for shoes. Oh it could be because I can’t walk in heels so perhaps I’m just hatin, but I doubt it. I don’t like to shop for anything really. I’m not going from store to store looking for anything. I comparison shop online first. I wanna go right in the store, get what I’m getting and get the hell outta there.
Comment by No name — May 17, 2008 @ 12:02 pm