Inquisitive Minds
“Of course I have a secret identity. I mean, do you see me at the supermarket wearing this? Who wants to go shopping as Elastigirl, know what I’m saying? “
ElastiGirl
Since I posted about the Sidekicks, I’ve thought alot about superheros and some of the questions I’ve had about them throughout my life. A naturally inquisitive person things just pop into my head. So here are some of my most burning superhero questions.
1) Would Superman kill Lois Lane if they had sex?
I can’t be the only one to have thought of this. I mean he’s the man of steel, bullets bounce off of him. Just think if he get’s carried away…those screams of pleasure could be hard to distinguish from ones of pain to a Kryptonian in the throes of passion. If she makes it through that just think about her giving birth. I mean if I’ve broken condoms how could he not?
2)Isn’t Robin really just a distraction?
Just think about it. Batman is the Dark Knight. Everything he has is a dark color. in all the new stuff they even got rid of that yellow oval on his chest. The batmobile is black, he hides in the shadows to strike fear into criminals. Then why does his young sidekick dress like he’s stuck in the early 90’s neon period. Red, green and yellow…he’s dressed like the Lithuanian flag…
I can just hear Batman now, “You scout ahead Robin and make sure it’s safe.” They might as well change his costume to this.
3) What good is Zan from the Wonder Twins?
His sister turn into animals…he turns into water, or steam, or mist. To quote himself from a Cartoon Network commercial “I could get beat by a sponge…it wouldn’t even have to be an evil sponge.” I bet he’s the superhero all the other ones pick on…except for Aquaman maybe, they could start a support group.
4) Why doesn’t the Joker get a reality T.V. Show?
I’m sure his ratings would be through the roof. Hell, I’d watch. Comedy, thrills and wonderful plot twists. He probably wouldn’t keep personal assistants long though. It would be ten times better than the Real World though. He’s at least a more interesting host than most…he could be on TRL. Or better yet Punked Joker style. Imagine the look on some celebrities face at their parents funeral when Joker comes out and says “Dude, you got punked….I did kill your parents though.”
5) Why doesn’t Wolverine become a professional boxer?
He likes to fight, he heals fast and his bones are laced with metal. He’s Don Kings worst nightmare. Talk about Iron Mike. He could dominate the boxing world and he’s short so you could make a fortune betting on his first fights. His ringname could be the Killer Canuck.
6) Could SpiderMan apply for public assistance?
I mean he can’t keep a job, he’s always broke. Can’t he get some gubment cheese or something? I guess if he had a kid his wife could get some benefits. Just think about it…Spiderman defeats his latest enemy only to realize in terror, he lost the foodstamps! M.J. is gonna kill him.
7) Couldn’t you kill Daredevil with a stero?
I mean he has super hearing, just lock him in someones pimped out ride and crank the system up. He’d at least have to have a stroke or something. Throw in some death metal and watch him die.
8) Isn’t breaking up with Bruce Banner asking to die?
Just think…some girl says those lines, “It’s not you it’s me, we can still be friends.” or Heaven forbid she be honest with him and let him know she wasn’t sexually satisfied. Talk about angry ex-boyfriend.
“You can’t leave me!”
when i was little i was terribly afraid of the incredible hulk. i could watch the program all the way up until the moment that the clothes started to tear. then it was screaming, crying & running away for me.
Comment by jackie — January 30, 2006 @ 6:48 pm
n tur rest ing
lots of time on ya hands, hunh?
haha
thanks for the entertainment
Comment by Miss A. — January 30, 2006 @ 8:25 pm
or how did Wonder Women know where to find her invisible plan or better yet how did she operate it once she got in?
Comment by Nas Dawud — January 30, 2006 @ 8:32 pm
the revamped robin isn’t wearing those hideous colors anymore.
my questions:
1. what da hell was wonderdog’s power? what, did he have atomic dog poop or something?
2. could the name ‘giganta’ be any more unoriginal? might as well name superman “white guy in blue tights who flies”
3. what in the hell is a vulcan supposed to do? and why was there a black vulcan? is that different from a white vulcan?
Comment by nikki — January 31, 2006 @ 3:36 am
of course the most burning question for me was the whole clarke knt superman thing. can a dude look that different without glasses i mean come on now
Comment by jdid — January 31, 2006 @ 4:44 am
I’ve never been big on comic books and super heroes, but I do like the x-men. I always wondered if Rogue was in counseling. Could you imagine what kind of damage she would do during sex if she had a orgasm? I’m sure she’s thought about it. Poor baby.
Comment by Aquaticmuse — January 31, 2006 @ 3:55 pm
LOL Ya killing me with the Spidey on food stamps thing. Dude never got unemployment or nuffin!
Comment by Breez — January 31, 2006 @ 4:17 pm
I’ve often wondered why the hell Batman and Robin were ever admitted to the Justice League of America. They don’t possess one friggin’ super power. Hell, anyone can purchase utility belts.
Comment by Nikki — January 31, 2006 @ 5:47 pm
re Lois Lane & Superman–I honestly never thought about it like that. Honestly.
Re spiderman–I never quite got why he couldn’t hold down his job. But that might make an interesting sitcom. Spiderman settles down.
Comment by God\\\\\\\'s Child — January 31, 2006 @ 6:43 pm
you know, the funny thing is, i only understand this post because i have a five year old nephew that makes me watch all your american heros. yah
:)
Comment by piranha — February 1, 2006 @ 1:33 am
hee-larry-us! Would Superman kill Lois Lane?! LMAO
Comment by Morena — February 1, 2006 @ 2:55 am
You are good and dumb!!! I needed this laugh this morning!
Comment by Beloved — February 1, 2006 @ 3:55 pm
Great post man, lets break some of these down..lol
1: I think superman could nail Lois, as long as he doesn’t shoot a load in her and if she has some Kryptonite hidden somewhere in the bedroom.
2: Robin is indeed a distraction. I always thought that he got his job by blackmail. I mean, he probably has pictures of him and Batman having drunken sex at a New Years eve party or something. Robin is holding said pictures over Batman’s head, that is the only thing that explains his role…lol
2
Comment by HumanityCritic — February 1, 2006 @ 8:11 pm
Question: why did the black superheros get such precious little play? Besides Storm…I mean, some of the major characters you referenced here had some pretty WACK flaws in comparison to Bishop. Where’s the love? Certainly some of those brothers and sisters could have ranked a little higher in the public eye. And, they could always go incognegro out of uniform because we all look alike, right?
Comment by **RPM** — February 1, 2006 @ 11:19 pm
LOL! I never did understand Zan from the Wonder Twins. He was completely useless!!
But, to give him credit, have you see the updated Wonder Twins in the Justice League? Zan whoops a little bit of butt. It’s kinda cool.
Comment by Reese — February 2, 2006 @ 8:06 pm
You made some good points…LOL…I’ll keep you posted
Comment by G. Cornelius — February 3, 2006 @ 8:51 pm
I think and Lois Lane would agree that if you have to go than there could be no better way.
I’m amazed that anyone has the time to think of this stuff its all very amusing though. Thanks for the laugh.
Comment by Ambrosia — February 6, 2006 @ 3:46 am
I think I had a few boyfriends that might have been superheros…
Comment by DelightfulFlame — February 6, 2006 @ 8:39 pm