Life Event: Mood - I dunno
Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
John Lennon (1940 - 1980), “Beautiful Boy”
So yesterday we had this workshop for our young people and my co-worker mentioned life events. Things that happen that have repercussions that ripple through other aspects of your life.
Last night I had a life event. I spoke to my father and my sister. I’ve never met her in person and haven’t physically been in his presence since I was three. It’s been at least 10 years since I spoke to him over the phone. It wasn’t totally out of the blue cause he called my mother to get my info and she called and gave me the heads up that he was going to call. It was a very weird situation. Speaking with my sister was cool. I’ve spoken to her more than him really. Speaking to him was crazy. Despite what the conversation was. There were the unspoken things and that which was under the surface. Even as a calm person who works as a counselor it was still weird. I tread lightly, but was unsettled. I tried not to be emotional and say hurtful things or accuse, but I kept realizing I didn’t know him enough know what might hurt or what might seem accusing. Then I kept remembering…”he” is my father. I downed a beer afterwards and sat on the edge of my bed thinking. I did make it in to work today. I even hit up my sisters site and shot her an email with my blog and myspace info. (BTW it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t give her a plug http://www.mystykalkennels.com/). In some ways, however, I’m still sitting on the edge of my bed thinking.
Why is it that when we talk to our estranged parents, we automatically try not to be hostile, aggressive or accusing? I always wonder if we (or in my case I ) let mine off of the hook by not speaking candidly about things from my childhood that still bother me.
Comment by Beloved — February 14, 2006 @ 5:20 pm
I dunno why, but I used to do it as well (let my father off the hook). And then one day I let his arse have it. I couldn’t hold it any longer. I feel like I need to let him have it again. He lives in the same state…approximately 30 minutes away and has NEVER seen my kids…the oldest of which is now 8 and a half. When we do talk, I call him. I just can’t be both sides of a relationship, so we don’t talk anymore. There’s a big empty space, but fugg it. What can I do? Anyhow, I feel ya. Glad you talked to your sister and you two are beginning to get to know each other. That’s peace.
Comment by DelightfulFlame — February 14, 2006 @ 9:31 pm
Brother it is your journey do what you feel is best for your mental state!!
Comment by Nas Dawud — February 15, 2006 @ 4:54 pm
I think it’s just “in” us to give our parents a free pass. Even when they arguably don’t deserve it. If you cut him some slack, that’s fine. If you go for the jugular, that’s fine. You handle it the way you handle it. But I think you already know that.
Comment by Breez — February 15, 2006 @ 9:03 pm
take your time and gte your bearings man
Comment by jdid — February 17, 2006 @ 2:25 am
I don’t know what to say. I suppose it’s never too late to try. I think that was brave of him to call you, not knowing what you’d say.
Comment by God\'s Child — February 21, 2006 @ 7:18 pm