Amadeo Sogni

“DIGITAL THUG - one who attacks or aggressively expresses their point in internet chat rooms and message boards. These individuals will curse, type in all caps, randomly insult and do various things they do not have the cajones (balls, minerals) to do in person. Most of these individuals will not address things in any fashion in person.”
excerpt from the A.Slim dictionary

I am having issues with Digital Thugs. Since the Feds only deal with online sexual predators. I have been thinking of some ways to combat this issue and I would like to share them.

Image Recognition - Computers should be built with image recognition technology. They should recognize chumps and throw up firewalls to prevent out of character remarks. Instead of just blocking the remark a warning should come up that says - Sorry your lack of balls prevents you from posting this…grow some.

Shock Therapy - We’ll have people who personally know (and are not friends with) the perpetrator press a button that sends a few jolts of electricity into the chair of the digital thug in question.

Tattletale -detailed reports will be sent to the parents of these thugs showing logs of all the digital thugery they have engaged in. Attached to this will also be listings of any nude photos or pornsites they have visited at anytime.

Boston Noose - This is where we put the perpetrator in a room wearing a Yankees hat, a I Heart Bill Buckner T-shirt and 20 drunk Red - Sox fans with baseball bats. They’ll hit him wicked hard.

Chicago Variation - Basically the same as above except we dress him up like Steve Bartman and tell 20 drunken Cubs fans that he thinks Ditka is gay.

Jay and Silent Bob’s final solution - Airlines will be required to give free airfare to anyone who uses the I.P. address to track down a digital thug in order to go to their home and physically pound them.

I don’t like digital thugery.