“Never trust the teller. Trust the tale.”
D. H. Lawrence

So despite my pleasant nature and the trust I put in people, well mainly that I trust people to be stupid, I have a whole list of things you should not put faith in.

1.) Internet directions: I hate, I hate, I hate internet directions. They always do something retarded like send you the long way, or mention some little side street promiently when it’s a block long and you can ignore it. Today I was helping a co-worker find an address. We’re both looking at them map trying to figure out how to get to this place. Someone who knows finally tell’s us exactly where it is and we figure out what the problem was. The street they say turn on to is a narrow alley not a street! Once I used direction to find a place in D.C. and got confused couldn’t find the street they said, then I just said the hell with it kept driving and found the place. To my chagrin I discovered it was right by 14th st. where I used to always go and my trip was basically around robin hoods barn. Don’t trust it!

2) 15 minutes: The older I get the more I notice, people have no concept of time. I can’t say how many times someone has told me 15 minutes and then 45 minutes later they’re still not there. I’m at the point of saying nothing takes 15 minutes when most people think anything takes 15 minutes. Unless you’ve abstained for a while *wink*, Don’t trust it!

3) Turkey Sausage: So I’m on the Chicken-and-Fish-aren’t-meat-diet. No pork, no beef…no venison. Every now and than I get the urge for some kind of turkey item (being everything that is substitiuted is usually done with turkey). I can’t tell you how many things that say Turkey ______ have a whole bunch of crap in it. For instance: Turkey sausage ain’t Turkey sausage if it also includes beef and pork. What the Hell!!!! The one that killed me was the Turkey sausage in porkskin casing. If I want turkey I don’t want it in pork skin, gedouddaheah! What part of the game is this? Don’t trust it!

4) Preakness: As a life long inner city denizen, I don’t trust anything where masses of white people get together and get drunk at. I remember there was this bar that got shut down called Gators Pub a block from my Ace’s house. Every weekend a whole bunch of wild drunk white kids from Loyola and Towson would be up there and in the streets going CRAZY. This was around the time when police would threaten us for standing in front of clubs talking. I don’t trust any even with a riots worth of drunken white folks and in Baltimore people know that’s what Preakness is every year. The only good thing from Preakness is working the clean up crew. People are so drunk you’re sure to find money and/or expensive goods. Lastly…”Let’s get drunk and watch horses run.” Doesn’t appeal to me…somethings going on there. Don’t Trust It!