Eye on the impossible, grips on the intangible. Happily pissing into the wind and teaching your children to do things that make me laugh for over a quarter century.
“Teachers open the door. You enter by yourself.” Chinese Proverb
I have always thought about the things I would teach my children and since I’m an uncle now I figure I have someone to start with already. So here is a list of things that I plan to teach my niece.
1) Your uncle is a great man.
It may seem arrogant, but hey if I want the others things to set in this is a good place to start. Besides, I have some stories to back it up and the fact that I’m loved by children and animals won’t hurt.
2) Star Wars rocks.
Yes I’ll influence her with my inner geek the first chance I get. Star Wars is great and she will know this. Matter of fact, perhaps I’ll call her my young padawan and tell her the force is strong with her. God knows I have plenty of Jedi mind tricks for the little ones.
3) Ray Lewis is the greatest Linebacker EVER
Some may debate this, but hey I’m the uncle here. Not only has he been Super Bowl MVP, League MVP, Defensive Player of the Year, a multiple Pro-Bowler and the first Baltimore football star since John Unitas…the guy is a force of nature on the field and he rose from a horrible position in life to being someone to look up to. Plus he brought Bmore a ring.
4) Love isn’t proven with words.
No matter what these dudes say words don’t mean much if the actions don’t back them. If a guy really loves you than he’ll do what’s best for you not just what he wants. If he loves you he’ll want to do what’s best for you. Guys don’t only want one thing…but they do want that, especially the young ones who’ve never had it. You’re the prize, let them earn you.
5) Throat and Solar Plexus.
Thanks to my mom and Humanity Critic I know two great ways to drop a guy. My first words would be don’t fight a dude in the first place, but if you need to get him off you the throat and the diaphragm are where you want to go. I’ll teach her about the twig and dingleberries being the last resort since I’m a man I can’t promote hitting there unless the situation is dire, besides I think most dudes are watching for that from a woman anyway.
6) A woman’s mystique is her greatest power.
When I see T&A it does not make me think about anything but sex. When I see a lovely woman who isn’t showing off, but her whole presence says that her even being there is showing off…I want to know her. I want to find out what’s up with her and I want her to know me. I’ve forgotten women from the first category that I actually slept with. Women from the second category who I never even met I still remember.
7) Karma is real.
No matter who you believe it just know that what you do will come back to you. Even if it’s just someone who felt wronged not helping you when you need it. Don’t be someone who has to learn from experience on everything. Do what’s right and you will be rewarded. In other words fear leads to anger, anger leads to hatred and hatred leads to suffering this is the path to the Dark Side…yes that’s another Star Wars reference.
8) Listen to “Old School”.
What can I say this new stuff is mostly crap. The stuff I came up on is the joint. From Hip-Hop to R&B if you hear as much as you can you’ll know what’s what. Oh, and buy all the Nina Simone and Sade you can.
9) Observe.
Something I try to live by. Look at the things going on around you so that your surprises can be few and most of them will be good ones. You also get to understand peoples reactions and motivations and won’t have to put yourself in too many dangerous situations.
10) Know your family.
This is one of those learn from my regrets type of deals. I couldn’t help alot of it, even the fact that I’ve never met her mother in person or that I don’t know our father. Since you are the biggest motivation for me to connect with my fam, let me motivate you to know yours. You only get one and you can’t replace them, plus they help you to know yourself. Don’t sleep on them.
“There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep.” Homer (800 BC - 700 BC), The Odyssey
I am quite tired at this point. When I look back I realize just how much has happened over the last week. It’s kind of mind numbing to think about it all, but like John said - “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” How about a recap:
Friday June 16th: went to Afram saw one of the best shows ever then went to pick someone up from the bus station, bus was late, waited from around midnite to 4 a.m when they finally made it here. Got home at 5 a.m.
Satuday June 17th: Tired from day before didn’t do much.
Sunday June 18th: Went to N.Y. for a graduation got up at 6 a.m. picked up folks, arrived around noon, worked, worked, worked, ate drove back. Got home around 3 a.m.
Monday June 19th: did some work crap had to do something in the evening got home around 8p.m.
Tuesday June 20th: went to crappy boring training at 8 a.m. that lasted all day, found out Bomani got killed on sunday, went back to the office and called clients for cookout the next day.
Wednesday June 21st: went to Restaurant Depot to get food for cookout. Unloaded van solo. Packed coolers solo. Loaded van solo. Loaded grill with help. Dropped off coolers and grill, went to pick up members. Got a call that we had been reported and had to move the grill. Returned to find the grill was lit and had food on it. Since it couldn’t go in the van I had to physically move it from one side of the park to the other, roughly 3 or 4 blocks over grass. Mind goes blank after that.
Thursday June 22nd: did work crap, went to ceremony at the spot Bomani died. Shed 4 tears. Got home around 10:30pm.
Friday June 23rd: went to work sat through staff meeting, went to Bomanis funeral, returned to work. Found out I was an uncle. Left work saw X3.
So here is my niece Kalea. It’s funny when I think about it, I’ve never met her mother face to face and there’s a whole other part of my life going on down there.
I keeping thinking of the part in Dances with Wolves where Wind in His Hair says, ” I think he went away cause you were coming.” I just know that the nature of Bomani and who he was makes me want to know my niece. I’m going to miss him, I don’t want to miss out on her.
“They had all this foreign shit. They didn’t have shit on my brother, man.” Doughboy
When I was little I used to cry. I was a sensitive child. I can think of certain parts of movies that would leave me crying everytime they came up. Hell I cried during G.I. Joe the Movie cause I thought Serpentor had killed Duke. As time moved on I didn’t cry as much. In most recent years it took some moment involving a father and son and my personal anguish on the subject was all that could bring it up. Before my aunt (my godmother) died me and a friend of mine had to carry her up the stairs of the house I grew up in. At her funeral I didn’t even cry until my cousin stopped me outside of her funeral and held me. I didn’t think I would cry at all that day, but something about him trying to comfort me made it all come out. I’ve been watching the news and seeing people cry over a loved one who has died or been killed and it kind of puzzles me. I don’t question their loss…I just wonder why it’s not as easy for me anymore. I can’t really think up the number of people I know who have died. It’s like trying to think of all the girls I ever dated, the more I think the more names I come up with. Honestly, I tend to think that both situations are a little sad. Pouring out beer is easy all I have to do is tilt my wrist and watch as it splash and spread across the concrete. The funny thing is I don’t even see crying in these cases as something a man shouldn’t do. I just wonder why it’s so hard for me. A friend of mine was in Africa and at a funeral some of the younger men and women started shooting into the air. An elder asked why they would do this and they responded, “We have no more tears.” I wonder if this is the case for me? Have I known so many people that died that I expect my friends to be killed? I’m not even sure if I feel numb…I can’t even describe it anymore. It’s like hearing gunshots. I don’t get nervous or worry, now I guess the caliber of the weapon judge if shots are being wasted. When I turned 26 I enjoyed myself. I said that I had made it that I hadn’t been killed and I wasn’t a statistic. Now it seems that more black men are being killed up until they’re 28…I guess I have to make it a few more months. Eric “Bomani” Knight didn’t make it. He had just turned 26 at the end of 2005 and this weekend he was shot and killed on N. Smallwood. Now he’s gone. I haven’t seen anything on the news about him. I saw alot of things on other people, missing people the guy who was killed at the movies last week. It seems like the rest of the city isn’t shedding tears for him either. I can feel the burn behind my eyes. It’s a sign that tears would like to well up around them and find their way down my cheeks. I haven’t tried to fight them, they just won’t come. I keep thinking that seeing him in May was the last time I’d see him alive. The conversation we had is the last one we’ll have. I remember thinking he was doing good. I remember laughing to myself at some of the questions he asked the Sangoma. I remember telling Swad about it all and explaining to Nana why I thought it was funny. I keep thinking back to things about him hoping that maybe something will trigger and I’ll be reminded that I do have emotions and that I will miss my friend. I don’t have to lie when I say he was a good person…I don’t think badly about myself cause I haven’t shed a tear for him. I just wonder if I’ll be able to cry.
I went to Afram (or the African American Heritage Festival) this weekend. Well actually I went on friday and had other adventures the rest of the weekend. Friday was a special day, I’ve mentioned some of the great Hip-Hop moments. Rhyming to a Biz Markie beatbox was great. The Hip-Hop Temple show at Tramps was beautiful. This weekend however may beat them both for the number one spot. Kool Herc, Just Ice, Grandmaster Caz, Whodini, Biz Markie, MC Lyte, Big Daddy Kane, Dougie Fresh, Slick Rick and Lil’ Vicious. Hot damn. That was a hell of a show. The only down side was for some reason people want to break out chairs two hours before the show starts and just sit at the front of the stage. This is a concert not a sewing circle, stand up! The best thing was I didn’t know Kool Herc was going to be there and that was a real treat. To quote BlackThought, ” Emcees never showed loyalty yet Kool Herc ain’t never get a royalty check”. This was the show I wanted all my clients to see. Everyone “performed”. Despite my fondness it wasn’t a Nas show where he’s drunk and forget’s his lyrics. These cats put it down…well. I can now scratch some things off my list. I’d seen some of these cats perform, but to have them all together was a blessing, especially considering the originator was there. Just a side note: whoever brought out the Channel 2 news team to introduce Kool Herc should be beaten with a bag of angry wolverines. I don’t watch them for news purposes, I don’t want to see them right be for the Godfather of Hip-Hop comes on! At a later date I’ll share what the rest of my weekend looked like, suffice it to say I’m at work and I need a nap.
“Every word I say should be a Hip-Hop quotable.” Posdnous
So I stepped out last night to hit up Organic Soul for the first time in a while. I actually went a few weeks ago, but since I wasn’t prepared and kicked on of the worst freestyle of my life it doesn’t cout. For those who don’t do it when you freestyle there’s a place you can fall into. It’s like you no longer have control of yourself or your astrally projecting and your hearing yourself just shredding the microphone and you have a hard time believing how nice you really are. Well this wasn’t one of those times. So I came back with something set to go and smashed out. However I did have some common emcee issues.
Cuffing: There is a general tendency to cuff the mic. If you know anything about sound you know that things should be set differently for different types of acts. If you just turn on the mic and let singers, emcees, poets and so forth proceed some of them are going to sound bad. Especially when there is a band an emcee needs his mic turned up. With the band right behind you along with the speakers you tend to have a hard time hearing yourself and the natural reaction is to cuff the mic like so….
I don’t know why this is the method that people resort to, but at one point or another I’ve seen most emcees do it. EMCEES, DO NOT CUFF THE MIC!!!! A cat that never needed to cuff the mic is Ogun, son’s voice is loud and carries well…to the point where I remember explaining to several people that he’s not yelling at them in ciphers.
Participate: This is something I don’t have beef with cause it’s a classic staple of not only Hip-Hop, but performing. Besides it sounds better when people say something than when they sing along with a band since most crowds don’t have the skills of a choir. I however have gotten tired of dead crowds so now I don’t ask people to repeat or join in. I invite folks to participate. Feel free. No pressure. No strings attached. Besides I’d rather have the people who want to join in than the lame-o’s who feel obligated.
Good Mics: For some reason it seems like if a spot has more than one mic only one of them is any good. This facilitates the need to switch off. The worst thing is when you have a group and the person with the good mic doesn’t recognize that they need to give it to the next person. Dude is adlibing in the best mic on stage. C’mon man! you’re a group, act like it. On a positive note the best mic switch I ever saw (and for real I would jack this move in a sec) is by Ab-Rock and Goldy…no contest.
Respect the Band: I have seen to many cats throw a negative remark at the House Band and I have to say…VERY BAD KARMA!! The House Band rocks…at least where I’m at and these gents should never be dissed in any way, shape or form. Every person I’ve ever seen dis the band performed poorly. Worse than that these cats will never play for you…ever. I mean c’mon I with my limited knowledge of music can describe something and end up with a beat that is amazing. For real if I could have a recording of every performance I ever did with them I would have a tight album. Don’t disrespect the band.
“A game of chess, is like a sword fight. You must think first, before you move.” The Lord
So I had my day of “public service”.
Things that suck: sitting in that room for hours.
Things that suck worse: being called to a court for possible selection.
Things that suck the most: Almost ending up on a week long murder trial.
When I say this I mean I knew that they wanted to pick me as a juror, I need to lie more or something. They ask questions to try and eliminate people early on and I could tell from my manner and responses that I was equally suited for the defense or the prosecution. I have a parent who works for the FBI. I have been arrested and I didn’t bitch about it. I work in human services with people like those on trial, and I was a young black man like the defendants. I will say since I was never even close to being on a case that big it was very interesting to see the Legal teams picking the Jury. Like a game of chess. I had an understanding of what was going to happen when they came down to the selecting and striking of jurors, but it was interesting to watch…I think the State messed up a little cause she didn’t get too many white folks on the jury. I know it wouldn’t have been in the interest of the two gents,but for me it was like watching a game when you don’t really have anyone to root for and you just get into the game itself. The only thing that kept me out of it was the last question they ask: Do you have any pressing matters that would prevent you from serving on this jury for the full duration of the trial. The bad part about this that the reason I couldn’t have stayed on sucks. Basically the three -3, tres, trois-(including me)members of my staff have to re-order about 430 files by social security number, copy them and place them into boxes. That made the Judge put me at the bottom of the list. I started to think they would choose me after the question about if you or a relative of yours had ever been arrested. I mention my cousin’s and my own incidents and the Judge asks did I think I was treated fairly. I realized as I gave the actual response that I was messing up. I said I had it and it was illegal and the old white judge says, “I heard that.” Then they asked about my job and he was praising me…I realized then that I was looking good, but in a way the made me liable to get chosen. I did get to finish the book I was reading though. Jury duty still sucks, but at least I should have a year before they try me again.
So I have Jury Duty tomorrow. Don’t think I’m paranoid, but they hate me. See when they first started sending me notices I just ignored them. I don’t even remember how many times I failed to show up, but the eventually sent me a letter that said if I didn’t come the next time they would come and get me. Since I have bad jail experiences I went ahead on. Now I swear I get Jury Duty more than anyone I know. I either end up sitting in a room all day with crappy movies playing or actually on a case that takes a couple days, meaning I have to park downtown - cause damn getting on a subway or bus at 5:00pm. Anyway the one good thing about Jury Duty is I still get a full days wage and I can eat lunch downtown. The other bonus is I’ve managed to find nice young ladies to spend my time with. Everything else pretty much sucks. I told them once that I couldn’t, because of my ethics, be involved in a case that sends someone to jail. They put me on cases that involve money instead. The good part was I got to stick it to an insurance company once. I have also developed some strategies to get out of jury duty. I had it on September 12th, 2001 and I forgot…you understand why. So I went the next day thinking I was on point. When I found my error I got clued in that if you tell them you came on the wrong day they mark you off and put you back in the system. Sweet. I have used jury duty on a day I didn’t get picked to take a paid day off. I don’t even remember what I did that day, but it was like cutting school and that’s good. As I sit in the waiting room listening to all the people complain I think if I was on a jury I wouldn’t want any of these people to deceide my fate. I need another option…I do give thanks that I’m not a federal employee like my moms, she has to turn down the money they give you. That’s good Quiznos money! I am thinking that now I don’t have any hair it opens up more flirting opportunities in the metro uurea. I just hope beyond hope that I won’t be selected for a case. Perhaps I’ll tell them I’m prejudiced against all races, women and people of different tax brackets. Maybe that will work. Or I could just say that I’m the last Jedi Master and I’m seeking apprentices…do you want to see my lightsaber?
“Maybe we cannot change the mentality of these people, but we can have a victory for an hour and a half each week at least.” Thierry Henry
Yes boys and girls. Depsite the Soccer Hooligans beating each other stupid. People throwing flares on the field and all those other goodies…it seems there’s a lot of racism in and around soccer. More than one brother has had to be conviced not to walk out of a match cause he was pissed off with being called a monkey or having bananas thrown at him. Who would have thought it possible. Despite the fact that there aren’t as many black euro-peons walking around and there are a whole bunch of right-right wing groups who wield Nazi signs and throw the Aryan hi sign, it seems like people are just taking notice. Well include me cause I hate soccer anyway. It’s even to the point where some players are becoming famous for returning the sign.
By the way he maintains it’s an ancient Roman thing, I remember that from Gladiator. So now FIFA has made up it’s mind to get involved and start penalizing clubs who’s fans call brothers monkeys and other such crud. The concern has become that fans will start abusing their players in attempts to get the other team punished. The thing is most of these penalties are taken against the teams. Conceivably fans could still do alot and get away with it. I wouldn’t really expect a lot of progress. I mean we’re talking about a bunch of euros who get drunk and beat the hell out of each other. Those aren’t the people I expect to have tolerance towards someone different. Too bad for them that Thierry Henry is pretty much the best player around. Even in Europe we’re taking over! Suck it Aryans.
“We go through episodes to like attack of the clones.” Talib Kweli
The more I bother to check out the news the more it seems like things are going to a place that we really aren’t ready for. Perhaps Dubya is gearing up for his going out party and he wants to end it with a bang. We already know about troops in Iraq and several of you probably know how some of them started kirking out on some, “Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!”. I expect that though when you don’t know who might shoot and trashcans and dead dogs blow up, you might get antsy. Then it seems like were trying to buck on Iran. Meanwhile North Korea is ready to get medieval on Christians and still hasn’t stopped their nuclear game. Now the border states are sending National Guard Members to the border to stop those “evil Mexicans” from crossing over. So let me just get all of this straight. Still in a war where are soliders are tripping, still beefing over nukes with two countries, and now we’re sending guys to watch our borders. It doesn’t sound like a good position to be in. We better start watching our 2-meter wide thermal exhaust port, if you know what I mean. I have a sneaking suspicion that we’re going to piss of Canadians and they’ll be swimming into Detroit with hockey sticks and guns or something. There is something about having to load up all your guns when part of your crew is away beefing that makes me think we’d better really watch our backs. If I didn’t like us I’d be starting some trouble about now.
“That’s my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that, and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired. ” Peter Gibbons
My job used to be fun. I mean that, really. Not only would we get our work done and surpass goals, but we enjoyed ourselves. We…we were like the Rebel Alliance (yes I’m reffering to Star Wars). We had someone to stand against and even though our achievements helped him, he hated the way we did it so we were happy suceeding. Over time I was happy to come to work cause I knew I would crack jokes and have fun. I would download music on the organizations computer and burn C.D.s. Since we moved to this building it’s all changed. Here is my list of things that ruin your place of business:
1) Hovering over employees. Get away, moooove. You’re like a fly and you make me want to swat you. The more you hover the less work I do when you leave.
2) Counting the seconds. If you keep track of everytime I’m 5 minutes late I will never stay and put in extra time in any amount. When you don’t sweat me about slight lateness, I don’t sweat staying over some. When you demand I be here exactly at 9am I make sure at 5:01 my key is in the ignition.
3) Quick lunch. If you sweat me for taking anything longer than an hour for lunch then I will never again bring anyone, anything back when I go out. If I do then I demand at least 15 mins. of their lunch hour be added to mine in compensation.
4) No Music. If you never let me play music at all when your’re here, when you’re gone I will instantly blast music and YouTube videos and anything else that makes noise.
5) Stop shushing us. I’m a grown ass man dog. No group of people should spend time in confined spaces and never joke with each other. Unless your job involves sneaking behind enemy lines…and even they find time to joke.
