“Judge Ito! Have some of my burrito”
Pauly Shore

So I have Jury Duty tomorrow. Don’t think I’m paranoid, but they hate me. See when they first started sending me notices I just ignored them. I don’t even remember how many times I failed to show up, but the eventually sent me a letter that said if I didn’t come the next time they would come and get me. Since I have bad jail experiences I went ahead on. Now I swear I get Jury Duty more than anyone I know. I either end up sitting in a room all day with crappy movies playing or actually on a case that takes a couple days, meaning I have to park downtown - cause damn getting on a subway or bus at 5:00pm. Anyway the one good thing about Jury Duty is I still get a full days wage and I can eat lunch downtown. The other bonus is I’ve managed to find nice young ladies to spend my time with. Everything else pretty much sucks. I told them once that I couldn’t, because of my ethics, be involved in a case that sends someone to jail. They put me on cases that involve money instead. The good part was I got to stick it to an insurance company once. I have also developed some strategies to get out of jury duty. I had it on September 12th, 2001 and I forgot…you understand why. So I went the next day thinking I was on point. When I found my error I got clued in that if you tell them you came on the wrong day they mark you off and put you back in the system. Sweet. I have used jury duty on a day I didn’t get picked to take a paid day off. I don’t even remember what I did that day, but it was like cutting school and that’s good. As I sit in the waiting room listening to all the people complain I think if I was on a jury I wouldn’t want any of these people to deceide my fate. I need another option…I do give thanks that I’m not a federal employee like my moms, she has to turn down the money they give you. That’s good Quiznos money! I am thinking that now I don’t have any hair it opens up more flirting opportunities in the metro uurea. I just hope beyond hope that I won’t be selected for a case. Perhaps I’ll tell them I’m prejudiced against all races, women and people of different tax brackets. Maybe that will work. Or I could just say that I’m the last Jedi Master and I’m seeking apprentices…do you want to see my lightsaber?