Superman Sucks…that’s right.
“An essential characteristic of the superhero mythology is, there’s the superhero, and there’s the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When he wakes up in the morning, he’s Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic that Superman stands alone. Superman did not become Superman, Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up in the morning, he’s Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red “S”, that’s the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears, the glasses, the business suit, that’s the costume. That’s the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent? He’s weak, he’s unsure of himself… he’s a coward. Clark Kent is Superman’s critique on the whole human race.”
Bill (Kill Bill Vol. 2)
I never did like Superman. I heard the new movie sucks, but the truth is I never planned to see it. I actually agree with Bill’s quote about Superman and that is one of the reasons I don’t like him. Superman as compared to most Humans is a God. He doesn’t have to face our trials and while he has his own set of problems I always felt like to even challenge him they had to come up with some Super-Mega-badguy that only he could face. Meanwhile characters like Batman (especially) had to find ways to rise challenges using more than just strength or powers. Most other superheroes find their will tested in ways that threaten them even more than some villain. I will admit Superman does have a tragedy, not knowing his people or his family never being able to return to where he’s from. The only thing about this is that he had to discover that fact. He was raised in a happy home. As a matter of fact the most dramatic ways Superman has been effected was to take away his powers for various reasons. Even if we compare him to some of the powerful Mutants from the X-men he won’t compare. They all had to deal with prejudice and persecution that unlike racism could find them hated by their own family because of how they were born. Peep some brief blurbs about other heroes and the issues that define them.
Batman
Batman is a sick puppy. All he knows is the reckoning. The drive to stop what happened to him from happening to others. This is a case where his alter-ego barely exists anymore. He was just a man, but what he saw as a boy drove him to become something else. Once when some bad guys were debating his identity the Joker said that “the mask is his real face”. Batman could easily be called insane and has driven off his sidekicks. His life has only one purpose. So much so that for a long time he was thought to only be a legend until he was caught on film. Interesting fact despite having no powers Batman developed a way to beat every member of the Justice League in case they ever flipped out.
Wolverine
This is one of the most dynamic hero characters ever. He will kill the badguys, but is known to befriend young kids with no place to go. Wolverine will always heal, at least physically, even when burned to his skeleton he will come back. The part of him that won’t heal is mental. He has no idea who he really is. A victim of experiments, torture and implanted memories, “Logan” has no idea how old (about a 100 years old) he is or who he truly is. Because of his high level of healing he doesn’t seem to age. To compound an already big problem he is in a constant battle with his animal instincts. In a fight even his allies know that if he isn’t stopped he can lose all control and go into a “berserker rage”. Beyond finding his past he battles everyday to remain a man and not degenerate into an animal, this battle with himself is reflected in the person of his arch-enemy who has embraced his animal side. Wolverine is THE most conflicted hero ever.
The Hulk
A victim of an accident and an abused child. Bruce Banner has multiple personalities, due to his accident and his childhood abuse his rage manigests itself as a transformation to a physical entity that is strong beyond compare, has the mind of a child and is full of rage. The Hulk is one of the only heroes who was really seen as a villain. Hunted by the army and the government and a dark part of it’s alter-ego’s life. Bruce Banner was afraid to even change into the Hulk. As a result he moved from place to place and tried to avoid ever getting angry. His power is his curse. In recent books The Hulk was tricked into exile on what was thought to be an unihabited planet by a group of some of Earths greatest heroes.
Spiderman
Possibly one of the most troubled and human of all those on the list. Peter Parker is a nerd and an outcast at school and all he has are his aunt and uncle. When he gains his powers all he can think of is how to elevate himself. After his inaction causes his uncles death he makes up his mind to use his power to help people. From that point on he only has rare moments of happiness. He can’t keep a job cause he always runs off to save others and (unlike Clark Kent) this is a major bane to his existence. The only way he can make money is to take pictures of his alter-ego in action. Pictures that his boss usually captions with headlines that cast him as a villain. Beyond his job his personal life remains in shambles cause he’s always leaving and can’t justify it with the truth. Several times when is identity is discovered he is punished by harm and even death brought upon those he loves. Spiderman is another driven character, however he remains torn between his responsibilty to the world and his responsibilty to those he loves. For Spiderman having a job and his relationship with his friends and family are central elements to his person.
Compared to these guys Superman is a cookie-cutter image of a hero and he appeals to me as much as non-alcoholic beer. These ongoing tragedies make other heroes truly great. Just like the inner conflicts that we all face, they have their own.
“They say that heroes are born, not made, babe! That’s bull! I’m livin’ proof! Bein’ a hero’s more than havin’ some sort o’ power! Look at Storm! Look at Captain America! They either never had powers or they lost ‘em! What keeps ‘em goin’ is guts! Without guts all the power an’ trainin’ in the world don’t mean spit!”
Wolverine
I always liked Batman the most. He was dark, mysterious and very cool.
Comment by MizJJ — July 31, 2006 @ 3:59 pm
Wolverine reminds me of so many people that I know. Even I was a Wolverine in a sense. Coming off as having this thick skin, but really sensitive inside.
Comment by Nikki — July 31, 2006 @ 4:13 pm
I’m no comic expert, nor am I schooled on any of the characters, but I can see the appeal of Batman. He is more human in that he grapples with a dark side, just like the rest of us. He’s a millionaire, yes, but he’s still a common MAN… a human being, w/ the capacity to channel whatever anger he feels to do good. He could very easily be an evil-doer himself.
I don’t know… just speculating. ;o)
Comment by Coffey — July 31, 2006 @ 6:54 pm
batman is my favorite because in many ways he’s an anti-hero. it’s not like he really wants to do what he’s doing. he suffers everyday for not just living a normal life and instead choosing to be a crime fighter. he’s haunted by demons and is still dealing with the death of his parents. he’s not necessarily the good guy in a fight sometimes. he’s more human than superhuman. he’s friggin badass!
Comment by nikki — July 31, 2006 @ 7:32 pm
i think i like batman the best too. superman’s alter ego always bothered. can i interject the fact that i wanted to be wonder woman? i always wanted an invisble jet,
Comment by aquababie — July 31, 2006 @ 9:08 pm
Hands down! I relate with Spider-man the most. I mean, lets be real. With great power comes great responsibility. What hero did this phrase ever mean more to than this guy? Like you mentioned, his inaction caused his uncle to get killed. And that is something he will have to live with for the rest of his life!
Comment by Luke Cage — July 31, 2006 @ 11:41 pm
I’ve always liked the whole x-men dealing with prejudice issue. as for superman got to say I like the smallville tv show but regarding the superman movies, comics and storylines i’ve never been a big fan. his world always seemed so unrealistic compared to the world of other heroes.
Comment by jdid — August 1, 2006 @ 4:15 pm
Oh, I LOVE this post.
I’m a Marvel girl so I was never really into Superman (thought Christopher Reeves was hot, though). Superman is a boy scout. Boring and always good. He does nothing for me (other than being really hot- Brandon Routh is a hot Superman, btw).
I was actually going to do a post, and may still, on who is the most tragic superhero. Wolvie, Batty, the Hulk especially, are all candidates. But, I feel the worst for Rogue. The inability to have close human contact without killing a person. That to me is the most horrible power ever.
I’ve always felt especially sorry for this character. It’s almost like she is not really human. On the outside looking in on something that people take for granted. She misses out on the very thing that binds us all together: that of love. To me, this is the most tragic superhero of all time.
Comment by Reese — August 3, 2006 @ 11:21 pm
So you don’t like a character you don’t know jackshit about? Gee, what an informed opinion.
You can’t read blurbs, and snippits, and wikipedias on charactes, and then say you hate them without ever actually having read the comics. It just shows what an absolutely ignorant fanboy you are.
Now, about your remarkably stupid “tragedy” argument, I personally don’t think that tragedy makes for a good super hero. Spawn for example has been through endless tragedy, and he’s generally a horrible character. Take a look at Speedball, and compare him to his new Penance incarnation, and honestly say the new “IT’S ALL MY FAULT!” version is better than the happy-go-lucky “I just want to be a hero and help people…” version.
For the sake of argument though, Superman HAS survived through MANY tragedies outside of being stripped of his powers. He’s had many of his friends and loved ones die, and he has to constantly withstrain himself from hurting those around him. Superman is about having all the power in the world, and still being powerless. Superman has to struggle with the fact that no matter how powerful he is, no matter what he does, it will never be enough. Every time he has to fly into space to take down some ancient alien god, or stop planet from exploding, that’s one more elderly woman he wasn’t there to stop from being mugged in an alley. And that’s a big part of his character -just as with Spider-Man. They’re both tragic characters in the same way that the Hercules of Greek myth was. They blame themselves not so much for what they do, but what they can’t do. For the knowledge that their noble missions can’t save everyone, and may often endanger those they love.
Additionally, Superman can be written to face off against any villain, from Joker to Darkseid, and in the end it’s still about him outsmarting them. In the case of the Joker, it’s because despite the fact that he could literally kill any normal human with his eyes, he’s not a killer. No matter how enraged he got at Joker’s actions, he wouldn’t kill him. He couldn’t. He’d race around Metropolis trying to figure out how he was going to stop all the bombs about to go off, or clear all the poison out of the water supply or whatever, same as Batman. Plus, Superman’s got Mxy to deal with. A little reality-warping imp that just pops up occasionally to fuck with his life.
As for Batman.. Well, Batman by far has the best villains of any super hero, no argument there. Batman himself though is not that great a character. “MY PARENTS ARE DEEEEAD!” is not good writing. His parents were killed when he was eight years old, and he’s in his thirties or forties now, and yet that’s STILL his driving motivation. He STILL brings it up every few issues. Superman’s whole planet’s dead, does he go emo about it? Not on a regular basis. To say one is more realistic than the other is ridiculous as well too. How would Wayne have the time to be a supe hero, and run a multi-billion dollar company at the same time? That’s not so much what’s absurd though. It’s that not only is he a billionaire, but he’s also a master of every form of armed and un-armed combat on Earth, in peak human physical condition, as well as a master detective, and a mechanical genius with a bat fixation.
Someone being any one of these things is believable, but all at once? While at the same time having the time to be a super hero, and run a business?
Now, if he had super powers, you could at least have that explanation. He’s by definition though just supposed to be a normal person.
Superman honestly has more to deal with than Batman. Most super heroes do. Batman has endless wealth. Superman has to hold down a job.
Any character can be good or bad though. What really matters is how they’re written. Until you’ve actually sat the fuck down and read some Superman, don’t you fucking dare say he sucks though. Just makes you look ridiculous. Especially when you’re complimenting deus ex machina characters like Wolverine and The Hulk. Wolverine is one of the few characters I would say at this point is completely unredeemable. And this is after reading his series, most of his X-Men issues, as well as his endless guest star roles. Wolverine is a punching bag. A pin cushion. A whipping boy. There’s no drama or tragedy with him. If you bothered to actually you know… research, you’d know that at this point, all his secrets have pretty much been revealed. (Wolverine: Origins) and he’s harder to care about when he’s in danger because Superman, we know can die. Superman can be put in danger. Be put in harm’s way. Wolverine wouldn’t be so dramatically effected by the death of innocents though. And I wouldn’t say he’s conflicted so much as hypocritical. He’ll hunt and kill caribou with his bare hand, but kill dozens of S.H.I.E.L.D. grunts to save a stray dog. The reason it’s hard to care about what’s done to him though, is that unlike most characters, his healing factor assures he will be fine next issue. This is a character who has regenerated from a single drop of blood. A character who most recently during the Civil War event was melted down to just his skeleton, and completely healed on the next-god-damned-page.
Because of this, while other characters are dodging, deflecting, or repelling bullets, Wolverine just stands around and takes them. Like I said: whipping boy. Literally every single character in the Marvel universe has kicked his ass. Then he just pops up the following day, same hairy midget egotistically whining about being “THE BEST AT WHAT I DO” and making rude, often downright retarded comments to other characters (Watching Cyclops sleep with Emma, and then standing over their bed to mock them about it, calling Spider-Man’s wife a retard, and then saying she would have to be to be married to a loser like him, threatening to kill the youngest girl in the Power Pack, etc.)
I mean, all I’m saying here is, reading over your post as I was googling up images of a few characters, I was just struck with this overwhelming sense that you were one of those people who based your entire opinion of characters off of some artwork you saw of them. The kind of person who would look at the designs of the characters in Cerebus and Youngblood, and then decide Youngblood must clearly be the better book.
And that just makes me sad.
Diatribes like this are signs of a true fan boy…and that’s truly sad.
A.Slim
Comment by AkaRai — February 16, 2007 @ 1:33 pm
You say fanboy like it’s a bad thing, without bothering to explain why it’s a bad thing, or what makes you any different.
How can you defend a ranty diatribe like the very thing being commented on that sets out to state a character sucks for no reason other than they say it does, and when that ignorant, short-sighted post is torn to shreds, dare to try to reply to it with “that’s sad” as if that somehow wipes away the fact that you’re wrong?
Face it, you’re a fanboy too. Just a far less intelligent one.
Comment by What's The Difference? — June 25, 2007 @ 4:24 am
You forget that superman lives in a world where he is an alien. The greatest thing people want is to be accepted, and he wakes up every day, feeling alienated. Acceptance is what wants and why he does what he wants. I would seriously recommend that you pick up “Superman: Birthright” and “Secret Identity.” It is ok not to like a character, but to call a character shitty because you cannot identify with it is rather shitty. Oh Might I suggest you read “Kingdom Come” as well.
Seriously he is like a god to men, but even then he struggles because he can never do enough. He cannot be everywhere at the same time. He will never know what it is like to be human, or even really kryptonian.
I would like to point out, that wolverine is oversaturated as is batman. They are like the “Boba Fetts” of their respective universes and can never be “beaten” at least superman as kryptonite and a sever weakness to magic.
I’d carry on, but I don’t think anything I say will change your mind, and the only thing you will do is try to convince me that I am wrong.
Comment by Demios — June 25, 2007 @ 4:41 am