“I wouldn’t go there if I knew how.”
Dave Chapelle

Some of you may have seen the Dave Chapelle stand up where he broke down some of the Sesame St. cast and other famous cartoon characters. I think that this requires more examination so today I bring you Pre-School Undercover: The Air Ain’t So Sweet on The Street.

Elmo: The newest and most popular edition to the neighborhood is actually a sad story. Elmo has been in the system since birth. Moving from group home to group home until he found him self on “The Street”. Elmo has been diagnosed with ADHD, Restless Leg Syndrome and Lead Poisoning. He tends to sell his Ritalin to Snuffy so he can buy speed from the Cookie Monster. He was brought in so the Street could get some benefits from social services. He also sits on packs since he’s a minor and can’t get a real charge.

The Count: You know his deal. He runs the “entertainment” for “The Street” crew. The Count is an illegal immigrant from one of the Slavic countries. Rumored to have been the Kaiser Soze of his home country. He now focuses on more leisurely pursuits. His monocle comes from a drunken incident with Ms. Piggy. He tried to recruit the wrong broad. While he likes to have fun…he keeps his mind on the money.

Snuffleupagus: A sad tale. Snuffy was just a fun loving guy who came to “The Street” cause he heard it was the place to become somebody. Rumor is he was climbing up the ladder and about to challenge “The Bird” for power. Like so many others he became addicted to heroin and started a slide that has yet to stop. They keep him around as a cautionary tale.

Grover: This is the Meyer Lansky of the crew. He stays on top of operations and if he sees a problem he lets the right people know. He’s bigger behind the scenes, but he plays a part on front street cause “The Bird” wants everyone to know that Grovers eyes are his eyes

Oscar: He was the man back in the day. It was the emergence of “The Bird” that brought about his downfall. He stays on “The Street” for two reasons. First to keep his eyes out for a chance to rise again and second “The Bird” likes to keep his enemies close. He’s an example of what “Bird” can do.

Bert and Ernie: Don’t get suckered in by the straight man and sidekick routine. I also would recommend that you don’t make any cracks about alternative lifestyles. There are a lot of eccentric assassins and these two are no different. Their whole M.O. is to lull you into a sense of strength and then they strike. Just so you know Ernie is the top and the most dangerous. Somebody hurt Bert once and Ernie ripped them limb from limb.

Cookie Monster: Speed Freak and Adrenaline Junkie he is an enforcer for “The Bird”. When a message needs to be sent they send in the monster. He doesn’t deal in death. He’s the one that maims and cripples. The Monster has destroyed more property in his time than Hurricanes have destroyed trailers. If you pay protection money to the street you’re paying to keep him away.

Big Bird: The top of the list, or is it? This is the one that runs the show on “The Street”. He gets a piece of everything. You can get down or lay down. His physical stature is nothing compared to the power he has. He has a name, but it’s tied up in a case. Besides “The Bird” could be anyone…that’s what he tells the cops anyway. There is one person, however, that even the bird doesn’t want to mess with.
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Kremit The Frog : This is the Don. You thought he was just coming through to help kids learn? Get real. The Bird runs “The Street”, but Kermit runs it all. Sometimes he has to come down and remind the bird not to get too fluffed up. He can teach anyone all about “saying goodbye”…hell he already took Manhattan. It was steppin to his woman that got the count hurt. He set up Elmo with “The Street” to groom him to take over. “The Bird” brought in the Monster, but “The Frog” set him up with Bert and Ernie. Some people wonder why “The Frog” isn’t worried about the monster…he’s got “The Animal”