“Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim.”
Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)

I am considering a career change. I want to be a thief. I considered a hit man, but if I ever reform I figure there’s less money it’s harder for the type of ladies a guy would settle down with to accept that past. My plan is to steal from the rich and give to me. I mean the more I examine world events I figure this would help me to earn money while being straight up. Other wise I could shoot for a position in government. I mean Bush got caught out there suppressing info about global warming. I’m sure this had nothing to do with his oil buddies and their business. Then Germany is taking C.I.A. cats to task for kidnapping a Lebanese dude. People here and in Canada are looking to hit the young girls up with the HPV. I’m saying young girls may be at risk for things but do we really need to start injecting them already? Especially since now they’re finally calling shenanigans on all those drug commercials. I just think there are more straight up ways of getting money. I’m sure that oil execs have plenty of valuable things, The Prez, I’m sure, has nice stuff. Why not just steal from them. I don’t have to start a war or kidnap folks or convince people to pop pills or inject little girls. I can come up with a cool alias and travel around the world breaking into places with style and relieve them of things worth money. I can make contacts with others in the criminal underworld and we can play high stakes poker every few months. I’ll have stories about “jobs” like the “Bush Job”…or I can say the “Pennsylvania Ave Job”. I mean these folks are using alot of energy that could even be better directed by just pick-pocketing people. The news really sucks for me if you can’t tell. Not that I had alot of faith in people in positions of power, however, I prefer my leaders to at least be slick enough to not get caught…even if they get away with it. I will steal with style…so if anyone wants to fund an operation or train me up let me know. Hell I can use Amadeo as my alias. They’ll think I’m Italian. A presto.

“Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime.”
Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)

Fuck Horatio Alger…right up his stupid ass. I understand he just wanted to write some books, but I’m not sure he knows what he helped to breed. Also I’d like to send a mighty middle finger shout out to all of those “up by the boot straps” people. I’ve been having too many discussions with people who seem to be caught up in the Horatio Alger myth. You know what I mean cause you’re probably a little caught up in it…as am I. This is the belief that instead of living out our lives as we are, we will have some breakthrough and strike it rich. We will pay off all of our bills and live in luxury for the rest of our days. Most of us don’t know how, but we believe it will happen. This is the attitude that tends to make people not want the rich to get taxed heavily. The attitude that says “universal health care is the road to socialism!”. It’s not that they really think it’s a such a bad idea. It’s that they don’t want to be like rich people in other countries who pay a higher tax. Countries in which even the working man is a little more content. He knows if he get’s sick that he won’t be driven to the poor house between trying to pay the medical bills off and missing time from work. Meanwhile here, we tend not to want those rich folks to get taxed cause we expect to become one of them. As much as I’m for people making money it seems as though the same people who are proud to be American should be the ones going crazy because of all the outsourcing. Mind you, I’m not only talking about the Indian dude that answers your technical support call. I’m talking about all the manufacturing jobs that have been eliminated. The ones that we have instead moved to places like China. These should be the people bitching that this countries main export these days are jobs. It’s funny to me when I see some of these commericals. Especially that truck commercial with the “this is our country” song playing. First of all cause I never identify with it. Second, because alot of the things people cared about that made a country are being ignored in favor of things we really will never control. Do all the “Made in the USA” folk care that not much is made here anymore? Folks can’t even get good bootstraps anymore, so I’m not sure how the whole pulling themselves up by them thing is going to work out. The real bullshit is even if I could get these issues addressed I’m still feeling like an outsider. When I see people that look like me in the mainstream they’re usually gimmicks. It makes me want to get my Ph.D. and keep dressing the way I dress and wearing shades. The thing is I’d end up marginalized and people would have me on shows to be cool. They’d probably ask me less about my theories than my style. The thing is they know I’ll never relate to “Jack and Diane” If I moved to a small town and started farming and driving a pick up truck, I’d still be the black guy. However, none of that was my original point. My point was people are more worried about Adam being covered by Steve’s health plan than the fact that the economy is going down the crapper. I hear people against raising minimum wage cause it will make prices go up. Despite the fact that most of the people who work and don’t have alot of money simply funnel their income right back…consumerism. Meanwhile prices rise anyway. Baltimore was number 11 on places to have a child last year. This year it’s number 30. It didn’t drop because of doctors or hospitals or anything health realted. It dropped because of money. The cost of living in Baltimore shot up all of the sudden so we’re no longer the most ideal place to try and start a family. Blue collar is becoming the welfare class, the rich are making a killing and we are worried about what Simon is going to tell that girl that couldn’t sing that good but seemed sweet. The whole time we’re busy with scratch offs and trying to figure out what lottery number to play after having that dream about Tony Blair getting bitch slapped by Dick Cheney while Condi did the dance of the seven veils to some Fertile Ground house mix in the background (unless I just need to make sure I don’t fall asleep with CNN on again). Anyway, what was the point, oh yeah…you will probably die in some range of middle class, the odds are very low that you are going to get rich. You will not have a specialist on call that you can fly to whatever part of the world you’re in. When you get hurt you’ll probably be sitting in the emergency room for a several hours. If you get locked up your lawyer will plea bargain your sentence down and it won’t be on T.V. and no one but your family will care. If your car get’s totalled you will most likely end up on the bus and you’ll get a little ass check for what your car is worth - after the accident mind you. To all of you I say this…a little socialism is not bad for you…it’s actually something you should pray for. Well, scratch that last one…work for it. Universal health care is not the devil. The devil is in that bill you get when you go to the hospital without coverage. He laughs from behind the zeros. Gay people getting married will not destroy your lives. Lastly…stop playing those damn American songs in commericals…and take those other ones off BET that talk about you didn’t forget where you came from. That is all.

“[Quoting his father] Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and I’ll give ya” something to cry about you little bastard!”
Mitchell Kane (Jeff Goldblum)

So, the fine folks in Califas want to make a law against spanking. Granted they are speaking about children 3 and under, but still…this is ri-god-damn-diculous. When the hell is it cool to mandate legislating parenting philosophy? I say spanking (or beating as we called it) is cool. The thing is people who actually beat (in an illegal way) their kids won’t suddenly be scared to do anything. During a period in American history were people beat their kids and their spouse there were people who took it too far and everyone recognized it. Even today when people are told not to beat their kids and try other methods, there’s still someone out there going crazy and taking their frustrations with the world out on their kids. Another major issue is what’s the definition of spanking? Hell even the different phrases, while they mean the same thing, can paint different images in ones mind. Spanking sounds tame, beating (the one I use) can sound bad, whooping can go either way. So what exactly is going to be illegal? If you swat your kid on the ass will people be calling the cops? I believe in beatings. I got them on many different levels…save for ones that require counseling or police assistance. Honestly beatings weren’t that bad. I was more upset at the prospect of my moms being upset with me than beating me. I can think of plenty of time I knew I would get a beating and proceeded with what I was doing. At the time I thought the fun was worth taking the L. I never considered it to be a bad thing. When I got a beating I knew it was coming. All I had to do was look at what I was doing. Now living in the age of instant gratification I was raised with instant consequence. It put a healthy fear into me. If I didn’t want a beating I knew what to avoid doing. Most of the time I didn’t even have to get beat, but we all lose it sometimes. That’s probably why before a beating my mother usually said, “What the hell were you thinking?” The answer was usually, “I don’t know?” Were are all those conservatives who are against big government? I mean you’re responsible for kids until they turn 18 now you have to wait to lay hands on them. Besides when you get them early in puts fear into them that allows you to not have to beat them later in life. I don’t want any legislation passed on how I discipline my kids. It’s a parents right to choose. Piss off you stupid blighters.

“Those were the days my friend
We thought they’d never end
We’d sing and dance forever and a day
We’d live the life we choose
We’d fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way.”
Mary Hopkins

I relieved a remnant of my former life on Saturday. A life where I was always at someone’s house and there was always a party. A life where me and whoever I was with were a vital part of the activities. A life where other guys are uncomfortable with us even though there are more women than men in the room. A life where I look around and see someone I slept with in the past. A life where I try to make conversation with strange dudes, but the energy is so wack I just go find my ace…and later he says the same thing. I used to not go to sleep until 4 the next morning all the time. It feels good to stay out and not want the party to end. Especially when we play a whole bunch of old school music…and there’s drinks. These are the nights you find yourself going somewhere at 2 a.m. and you’re not sure why. Considering that I haven’t been on roller skates since before middle school and I can’t even remember being any good…it’s kind of wild to think that I was all for it. But that’s not it…I was for the energy. I was for continuing the good time. Plus it never hurts when the men are single and outnumbered 3 to 1. It’s especially better when 3 of the dudes leave early on. Luckily the skating rink closed at 2 so we missed out on that and had to end out at a diner nearby. I missed those intellectual conversations with good looking women at 3 in the morning when there are 4 ladies and just me and my ace left to ask and hear the responses. If I ever was the man…I still am…I just don’t get into as many big groups that know it anymore. I tend to go to events where the host knows my dominance, but the audience is the new circuit of college kids and working stiffs who just found out about this place. The D.J. knows me, but the bartender is new. The band knows me, but the crowd claps with unfamiliar politeness. It’s good to be the King…again. Now I just need someone else to have a party. My ace thanked me for making him go. I’m sure he missed that feeling as well. I just keep thinking “Let’s do it Again”.

“You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.”
Jeannette Rankin (1880 - 1973)
So the fighting continues. Of course I never expected it would be over anytime soon. When you have one side that’s motivated by money (let’s be honest) and another that has a religious belief you can’t expect it to be quick in any sense of the word. Unless the oil should dry up all of the sudden. I’m not so much disturbed by the continued fighting and loss of life as I am that we tend to deny the history of the combatants. It would be nice if we were like G.I. Joe…just fighting for freedom where ever there’s trouble. The thing is we fight for profit. I mean it’s a capitalist country folks. That means that cash rules. If there was profit in Somalia we’d be over there in a heartbeat. I remember being a young man and wanting to join the military. I thought that I would be helping the world become a better place. In reality I would have the same effect if I became a contract killer, just without the uniform…and I’d get paid more. As a matter of fact I think paid killers should be used more. The discret cats that can kill the president of a country with a fork. Then perhaps we can avoid more than a thousands of deaths each year in the countries we run through. I mean soldiers try to keep politics off their mind so they can do their jobs…assassins don’t have such problems. Their politics are “show me the money”. If I’m getting a few hundred thousand to kill you all I’m worried about is the deposit. Since I can get into any country and kill someone under high security people tend to make with the money. A hired killer doesn’t have to worry about the ramifications of Obamamania. Plus a gun for hire tends to be kinda discreet. I keep thinking about that old saying, “What’s that got to do with the price of tea in China?” We need to revamp and bring that back. “What’s that got to do with the price of oil at OPEC?” Fitting. Appropriate. True. Ah to relive my ignorant G.I. Joe fantasy. Now I know though, Cobra really just wants the U.S.A. to get out of their country and let them run it. Destro says if ya’ll got nukes why can’t I have none. Tomax and Xamot just want to do business that will profit their country without having to make sure the U.S. is getting it’s cut. Let’s put this in schools as the definitive explanation of foreign policy.

Basher: So unless we intend to do this job in Reno, we’re in barney.
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Basher: Barney Rubble.
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Basher: Trouble!

I just realized something the other day that let me know the world I used to live in is over. So I hit the Starbucks downtown (1. because they’re always cool and I’ve never had an incident at that one 2. so I can flirt with the Italian bird) on my way home and for some reason I just looked around and really realized where I was. The Starbucks that I frequent actually used to be a Sunny’s Surplus and I used to love that spot. All the goods for cheap (until fatigues came in style). I have no idea how much money I have dropped there…hell even how much my moms spent on the both of us there…that’s how far back it went. Then I started to look around. Diagonally across is Bedrock this new spot with pool tables and games, a Jukebox (that does have Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth on it) and a cute sista tending bar. It’s a mid-scale place. You don’t need a jacket but, long white tees won’t get in. The drinks aren’t mega-pricey but, they aren’t Cheers prices either. That place used to be the Vault. One of those clubs that featured various genre of performer, wasn’t always open, but was a good place to see a show. I remember my man Trey Born Star got kicked out cause he was underage and they caught him with a beer. We told him to wait in the car til the show was over. The place is cool now but, it’s more of a place to take a business partner than your ace. Then we get to the most glaring of all the transactions. The France-Merrick. In a place where James Brown (R.I.P.) used to play they now show Chicago and Twelve Angry Men. People come out in all their finery to display themselves and see the shows. The crazy part of all my reminiscing is that, these two blocks (as I remember them) were the best place to get your ass kicked, robbed, buy weed or do something illegal. Crazy Johns and the parking lot next to it was a place that most people I know have been to at some time in their life. All of these people have a story about something happening there as well. Lexington Terrace, The East Side Boys (no Lil Jon) and people from various hoods passed through there. People from various hoods got hurt there as well. Weed was smoked, stolen cars shown off and you better be good at Street Fighter II. Now if I stand too long I pull out my phone or something so none of the Downtown Baltimore people will think I’m a threat to the punters (sorry, I watched Snatch the other night). To think, in my wonder years none of the folks who brazenly stroll this area would have really wanted to drive through. That was then, this is now. Now their are 5 seperate places within a few square blocks of there where you can rent a nice (expensive) loft. I was joking the other day that it was turning into Up Top (N.Y.) just without rent control. The young bucks don’t know. The elders may be a little glad, people my age…well I don’t know what to think anyway. I’m sure my kids will have a Crazy Johns of their own…but knowing what mine has become is a little hard to deal with. Especially since The Hippodrome used to have the greatest Black Performers back in the day. Now…they haven’t had one show that I want to go see. As a matter of fact around Christmas Nick Lachey was there. I didn’t think he really went anywhere and if that’s what they consider quality entertainment, I’d rather go to the arena and see a Monster Truck show. As nice as it all looks they’re doing a Lupe Fiasco on what I know…Kick - Push.

“The rap era’s outta control, brother’s sellin their soul to go gold, going, going, gone, another rapper sold”
Parrish (PMD)

I remember back in the day when all a real emcee was worried about was crossing over. The Sellout. If you know what I’m talking about there’s a strong chance you were born befor the 80’s…or at least before ‘85. Today my friends, I contend that not only has to concept of selling out been flipped and accepted but, even people who are not famous are selling out by the handful! Most especially…THUGS!!!!!!!!!!

Stay with me. Remember when being hardcore meant that you were only going to sell to a small segment of the population. As a matter of fact most of your fans probably ended up buying your record bootleg or copying it from a friend. The worry was adding too much R&B and making it more friendly to white people with money. Well my friends these days white people want that thug shit!! It is also a little known fact that this is breaking a law of nature. Now in any given hood…you can always find white people. The thing is there are only certain amounts (unless your in the poor white part of town). So it’s nothing to see a white dude thuggin it up amongst a crew of black guys. However, when Chad in the suburbs (who the white dudes in poor areas would beat the hell out of on principle) knows the 10 crack commandments - the center cannot hold. The problem now becomes I can present myself as a hardcore thug and sell alot of records. This produces the false martyr syndrome. Example 1: Tupac had been doing his thing for a while. He built his reputation. He gets shot and survives. This increases his standing. He gets shot again and we can’t believe that he dies. He is a legend. Example 2: 50-cent is doing his thing but, he isn’t really famous. He puts out “How to Rob” which I personally find funny and creative. Then he get’s shot. He becomes famous. He gets a nice deal. He sells lot’s of records, makes a movie and a video game. See how the whole thing reversed it self. I mean under this formula if I just change the content of my lyrics and get shot I can blow up. To the general public this lends him credibility. To the hood public it’s…meh. How many people in the hood know someone who has been shot? This whole situation reminds me of when we were young. The best place for a young cat from the hood to catch wreck was at parties in the county. Every girl thought you were scarface or something and the dudes wouldn’t step to you, especially the ones that like to hang in the city with their cousin to increase their stock. That’s the music industry now. Cause Buffy has all of 4 bits (50 cent) albums . Chad Wentworth III rocks them in the Benz his pops bought him (he calls it a Benzo). Meanwhile people who really like Hip-Hop and live in the hood understand that for every Tupac was a Humpty and a Kid n Play and a Chuck D. Even Tupac knew it. I remember him saying something about how the same people white people are scared of black people are scared of, except their our next door neighbors. It’s like the Chris rock joke about Niggers and Black People. So now a whole bunch of the black people are like, “when did all emcees become niggers?” Not the young boys though. They missed “Potholes in my Lawn”. They didn’t get to hear “Crossover”. They came up in Tupacs later years. They came up when if you weren’t selling records that must mean you’re no good. They think if the radio doesn’t play you, you suck. I remember when you didn’t even get to hear Hip-Hop save from select sources. Amadeo, you ask, what does this have to do with thugs selling out!?!?!? I’ll tell you my friend. All up and down the east coast something is changing. There was a time when thugs had solidarity (at least in their groups). Back in the 80’s Crips and Bloods tried to recruit and build themselves up over here….and nobody was having it. Cat’s had beef with dudes on the other side of the major street, there was no way that someone from the west coast was going to come and have them join a gang. You repped your street or project or side of town. My man Dallas can tell you about some of his experiences up top (That’s N.Y. in Baltimore speak). I remember we had The Terrace and The East Side Boys. You could get your ass whipped going downtown alone or even if you just had 5 people with you. These weren’t tight organized gangs, simply collections of people who lived in the same area. Now there’s Crips and Bloods everywhere. Even worse, these cat’s think it’s cool. My peoples were not “joiners”. We knew you couldn’t risk not having back up. We also knew that a group of people could rush the doors at a show but, I digress. I truly can’t believe the way alot of these cats are going out these days. Additionally people are getting their genres confused. Thugs, players and pimps are not the same people. For instance in my day a thug “might” have a chain but, he wasn’t all gussied up and what not. He was scrappin and robbin and all that. He couldn’t run around looking shiny all the time. He was looking for them shiny cats to take off. I guess the thing that bothers me most is where I’m at. Baltimore. A stop on the drug freeway. A place to dump off but, not to run things. Not as big or known as New York and refusing to be identified with the South. My town didn’t like nobody. We even hated each other just cause we were Baltimore. Now we want to be down with West Coast Gangs? Times they are a changing. It’s one thing to see people sell out for money but, when people sell out just to appear as though they are part of something bigger…it’s just sad. I never heard of cat’s coming from other towns to back these kids up. Matter of fact the only connection I ever hear about are cat’s in jail…ones who basically aren’t living for anything else. Get it together people. That (I didn’t think I’d say this) ain’t gangsta. How ya’ll watch all these mob movies and not learn nothing? Maybe if ya’ll watched Carlito’s Way more than Scarface something would change. I recommend ya’ll get some actual skills up. Throwing hands, pick-pocketing, tagging, hell study Ocean’s Eleven and The Italian Job and become real thieves. Damn…ya’ll suck.

“Put more trust in nobility of character than in an oath. “
Solon (638 BC - 559 BC)

Let me adjust that title. Homeless people and hustlers seem to love me. So it’s monday and I’m on my last few hours of freedom from the J - O. I get off the train and head towards Starbucks. I go to stop in 7-11 first and there’s a dude standing on the corner…I see it coming. I mean it’s a regular post up for people trying to get some change. Anyway for some background: I’m not broke per se, I am at the start of a payweek and at the point where you have money but, I know exactly how many Venti Mochas or whatever I can have this week. I just dropped $5.50 in quarters (in addition to some bills) to cop my weekly pass for the train. Basically it’s one of those times where you know exactly how much money you have on you. Anyway dude sees me and he goes to work. “Can I have 50 cent to get a hotdog?”, “I don’t have any change”, “Can I have a dollar?”, “Sorry moe”, “C’MON MAN! I’m trying to get something to EAT!”, “I DON”T HAVE IT LIKE THAT!”. Yeah now I’m pissed, the worst thing in the world is when you’re close to broke or already there and someone says something that reminds you of how much money you have. So hit seves than run up to Starbucks. My man was talking about treating me to a flick so I figured I would get the first of my Mochas for the week. He rolls through and we step outside. I pull my last black out the box and before I light it I hit the corner to throw away the empty box. Before I even make it back I see the next one coming. This one is waving and calling to me from across the street. When he gets close I realize I’ve seen him before -

SEGUE!!!!

About three months ago I’m chilling outside of my job and this guy comes over. He’s already talking on the way so I know something is up. Boy does he have a deal for me. A bag full of soaps, shampoo and conditioners (From some upscale-ish hotel). He’s willing to sell them to me for a measley five bucks. Now I wouldn’t have bought them if I had a G on me but, on this day I had like 3 bucks in my pocket. He’s going on and on and on. He’s about to get S.S.I. checks soon. He just needs to hustle some cash up. So I finally get to say what I’ve been trying to say . “I only got 3 three bucks and I’m buying some food for lunch with that.” Guess what? That’s not a problem. He’ll sell me half the bag for two!!!! I’m like nah I’m hungry. Oh Yeah! He’s got a better deal!!! He’ll give me half the bag and his Cup ‘O Noodles for three. I let him know that I can’t get no hot water for it at work. He has a solution!!! All I have to do is put some cold water in and let it sit for 10 minutes!!! I finally persuade him that I’m not buying and I figure that I’ll never see him again. WRONG! WRONG!

Back to Monday: So here he comes again. This time he’s got an even better deal! Two damp jackets (yes I said damp) that he found. He’s letting the pair go for only $200!!! It takes like 15 minutes to convince him that we are not interested in them. He warned us that he will dry them out and rock them if we don’t buy them. Then he asks if he can get a black off me. My ace is ready to enjoy my misery (being that I already told him about the last incident at the other end of the block). He starts saying, “Yeah let him get a black off you.” I end up breaking a portion of my lit black. Now At this same time there’s a woman standing on the corner that he came from and as soon as he leaves she’s rolling up on us. She’s an older woman with a cane and all that and she’s just asking us to help her out. My man hits her with a dollar and some change and I give her my change from seves and at this point I tell my man to get me out of there before we get rushed. People love me. What is it they say about playing poker?
If you can’t spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.

“It’s a 5 O’Clock world when the whistle blows and no one owns a piece of my time.”
The Dave Clark Band

Yeah. I’m back up in this sumbitch. Large cup of coffee. Anticipating a smoke break. I should be thinking about what I need to do this week. I’m thinking about those jeans that Old Navy ran out of after I placed my order. I’m thinking about the two leather jackets that were sent to me when I only paid for one (Hooray human error!). I’m thinking Rudolph should’ve told those other Reindeer to piss off, I mean as soon as he’s useful they all riding his jock. WTF!?!?! I’m thinking I’d rather sit in Starbucks and flirt. I’m thinking about how I want an Onyx Signet ring like the one Duke Leto had in Dune…that would be sweet. I could affix my seal to correspondance and punch dudes in the head and say I left my trademark. Nice. I’m thinking about me being a magnet for the homeless, panhandlers and broke hustlers (another post altogether). I am not thinking about doing any real work today. Refer to three posts back.