I got this from Jali and being as I used Sade, she don’t need no quote.

Pick a band and answer only using song titles: Sade

Are you male or female: King of Sorrow

Describe yourself: Smooth Operator & Clean Heart

Your best piece of advice: Keep Looking

Describe your last relationship: War of the Hearts

Describe your last crush: The Sweetest Taboo and to pull a line from Tarbaby, “It was a golden thread inside of her web that I got caught in.”

Say something to someone you have a crush on: Love is Stronger than Pride

Say something to an ex: Feel No Pain

Say something to someone who hurt you severely: I Never Thought I’d See the Day

How do you feel right now: When am I going to make a Living

“An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.”
Simon Cameron (1799 - 1889)

I am really hoping that there will be a fist fight on capital hill in the next few days. It would be equal to a monkey knife fight. There’s alot of drama going on and I want to see some blood. At least I hope people stick to their guns. First there’s U.S. attorney drama going down. Seems like everybody is trying to stick to their guns on this one. I’d love to see somebody cowboy up on Bush.

Speaking of “cowboy up”. The senators weed holder tried to bring his gun into a senate office building. Ain’t that some shyt? Even I know try not to bring much metal when I go into buildings with security…I never carry my knife with me. This cat needs to watch some movies about professional killers.

Pat Tillman’s family is still beefing with the Feds on lying about his death and trying to use him to rally people who drive pickup trucks and own 5 rifles.

The issues of Iraq War funding and troop withdrawal is causing even more beef on the hill. Republicans are finding their backs to the wall since some of them are up for re-election and standing with the prez is a good way to lose.

I guess Tony Snow is proof that spouting that bullshit all the time gets unhealthy. I wonder if the last Press Secretary came down with anything?

Oh, BTW you thought Iran was M.O.P. fans before. They’re going all the way now. True, they didn’t do it with American soldiers, but I think you’d rather have english cats around as hostages than Americans.

“If the sun refused to shine
I dont mind, I dont mind
If the mountains ah, fell in the sea
Let it be, it aint me.”
Jimi Hendrix - If 6 was 9

Re: People Fall Apart. I wonder sometimes if I should be more emotionally invested. Perhaps my feel no way mantra isn’t good. Perhaps I should let more things move me. I can think of situations where showing more emotion may have comforted others. However, I’m not sure if comforting others was that important. I can imagine some women that have moved through my life who if I had shown more or pursued them after the fact we may have stayed together. Honestly, I didn’t love any of them enought to really want to make things work in the end. There was something about the way each of them handled things that made me feel fine about bouncing. The way I see it their emotion pushed me away. If some of them had tried to be more logical I probably would have worked on it. Then again despite being compassionate and even passionate, I think my demeanor can throw folks off. Sometimes I wonder if I should get out on people more. If I should get more excited about things. Then again it’s probably all bullshit anyway. I’m famous for saying “stress is just heartattacks and strokes and I need neither”. Is there something else I miss out on by trying to detach from the feeling of certain things. Maybe my point of view is only good in horror flicks. It’d be my luck to end up in one where only strong displays of emotion could save your life. I’d die of nonchalance. I once joked that if I were in a Super Hero group I’d be Nonchalant Man. I’d be the strongest of the group, but the challenge would be to get me interested enought to get involved in what’s going on. Don’t get me wrong…it’s not like I don’t smile, laugh, love, despise or feel any emotion. I just try not to act on my emotion. Even if my action is in line with my emotion I try to think it through seperate from that emotion. To top it off people tend to think that because I wear shades all the time that I’m really just trying to be cool. In a sense that’s true. I remember times when my anger took me and I didn’t like it. It’s scary. It’s Bruce Banner. It’s Wolverine. It’s punching steel and not feeling my bones break. It’s hurting someone badly. It’s charging 5 people. I’ve seen others give in to their saddness and I can’t do that either. Though I remain like the ocean calm on top with strong currents underneath. I try to control the currents. I imagine that if I could focus my emotion I could become infinitly powerful. Like my stubborn attitude has helped me accomplish big things, cause someone said, “It’s not realistic” and that pissed me off. Perhaps all of this is just one big rambling thought that will let me feel philosophical? Is this self-doubt or self-assessment? I’d take the latter…mostly cause I’d hate to feel like I’d doubt myself. I question yes…but try not to doubt. I’m not sure that the answer to all of this is me screaming on someone. Or confessing my love to anyone. Then again, perhaps I’m being too logical once more. That Spock shit again.

“These crimes of illusion are fooling us all. And now I am weary and I feel like I do. It’s only you who can tell me apart And it’s only you who can turn my wooden heart.”
Portishead - Only You
Cold…
Tired…
Bored…
Hating the bus…
In need of a vacation…
Working for the weekend…
Surrounded by people and still alone…
Missing what it feels like to “have” a woman…
Trying to find a woman that is sane enough to associate with…
Considering having something to bring all of my friends together at least for a day…
Wondering who I know reads this stuff that I don’t know about and thinks differently about me though they’ll never say…
Realizing that even though I will never be big on the Hip-Hop scene I still want to put out an album and get my music to people who will dig it…
Trying to think of another way to make money because these grants suck and I’m tired of wondering every year if they’ll be renewed or if I’ll have to find another job…
Thinking about ramping up my wardrobe once again even though I’m only really dressing for myself these days, but fuck it I want to do my thing…
Realizing that even though I can put this money up I shouldn’t buy a car until I know the status of next years grant…
Going to buy an Xbox 360 because I can and I don’t give a damn about the cost…
Craving a Martini even though I have never had one before…
Wondering if I should have less lattes…
Wishing I had a camera…
In my 29th year…
Drained…
Silent…
Tired..
Cold…

“To have little is to possess.
To have plenty is to be perplexed.”
Lao-tzu (604 BC - 531 BC), The Way of Lao-tzu

So I have now moved. I was joking with my Ace about how it always takes less time to move either of our stuff than any one else that we help. Both of us are from the school of “does that really have to come?”. I’ve moved twice in three weeks and left things behind both times. Amongst the things I moved I’m finding things that I think I could have left. Sentimental value…Hell you say!?!? I will leave some stuff behind in an instant. Additionally I am now Ikea’s bitch.

I bought 4 things from them over the last two weeks and I plan to go buy like 3 more things. I scare alot of white people in Ikea as well, I guess cause I know what I want and I’m moving faster than all of them, but the browsing folks seem very slow. Thanks to those folks I know I have a lot of CD’s. I bought a holder that’s taller than me and when I was more than half way finished realized I had two more boxes left. I heard the most hilarious thing ever today…I called to get my Directv transferred and the recording that directed me said I was an A-list customer. I just wrote it off until I had completed my transaction with the customer service cat and he says “It’s always good to do business with one of our A-list customers. I don’t know what I did, but I that shyt needs to show up on a brothers credit report somewhere. So I’m wondering what the hell I would do if I had a house full of things to move. I only know of one dude that will faithfully help me move and I know I’m on his list as well. I’m not sure if that’s just what happens when you’re the ones other people call to help them move…or if I’m a sucker cause I keep showing up to help other people.

“An optimist is the human personification of spring.”
Susan J. Bissonette

I kind of always knew it, but everyday seems to confirm it a little more. Honestly I owe it to my mother cause she’s the same way. I don’t fall to pieces. I’ve told a few people that I try to feel no way. There’s a quote in the Art of War that I can’t remember word for word that I actually live by…and I just realized how sad it is I don’t remember it. Basically I treat small things like they’re important and tend not to stress big things. Big things work themselves out, the small things usually require planning and care. How does that saying go…”The Devil is in the Details”? I also have a rule that I don’t let my problem become other peoples problems. I hate when people are short with me or just bitchy because of some other outside circumstance that doesn’t involve me in any way. Thusly I never come off at people because of things that are going on with me. I don’t like to share my bad days. Most people seem like they can’t help it. I ride the wave. Most people seem to let it swell up inside them until they burst. Stress is a killer and I figure whatever happens, happens. All I can do…is what I will do. More people need to learn to just say “Fuck it” and mean it. I can’t see spending my life worrying about things. It’s pointless. You act when you can. Other than that just roll over and die or something. Stop feeding your life and let it wander away. I don’t mean to say I just don’t care or I have no feeling…I just don’t want to be run by my feelings. My feelings change and I need some stability. I used to hate broccoli and love pork. Now I love broccoli and wouldn’t touch pork if you paid me. C’est la vie.

“You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.”
Jeannette Rankin (1880 - 1973)

War ain’t sweet. Do you think violence is polite? Nice even? It’s not the death that is so bad. It’s what happens to those who make it back. If they be physically intact or not. In this recent war for every 1 soldier that’s killed 16 are wounded. In WWII it was 2 to 1 and in Vietnam it was 3 to 1. Basically alot of people are coming home messed up. With the whole Walter Reed thing, the Prez really has no weight behind the “Support the Troops” phrase. Didn’t we learn from Vietnam to at least take care of folks when they get home? I think the real tragedy is that when the current “Conservative” in office talks about smaller government, they mean more people in charge, fire workers and privitize their jobs. Too bad that ends up costing more and you’ve now put situations in the hands of someone who’s thinking about the financial bottom line and not the human one.

Thinking about all this I recently copped a movie that I’ve liked for a while, The War at Home. It’s about Vietnam but not being in a war. There’s no political protests scenes. It’s just a soldier trying to transition to life stateside with a family that doesn’t really understand where he’s just come from. I consider this alot. Despite peoples stances on things, how much resources are allocated for troops coming home? You don’t just go from fighting for your life and killing to getting a job like it’s nothing. A body needs a break you know?

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
John Lennon (1940 - 1980), “Beautiful Boy”

This is my story. I’m not totally sure where it will be in 5 or 10 years. I have some good ideas though. I figure I’ll do the right now. Perhaps it’s beyond living in the moment. Embracing the moment is required though. I did make up my mind to move to that spot. I’m considering where I want my career to be this time next year. I had a weird dream and I’m not sure what it means for my love life…but it can’t be good when you’re about to have a sex in a dream and every person you know walks into the room in a procession…can it? Like the song says, “I know this much is true” - so I’ll act on that. I’ll step on the path that I can see. If this was a movie “Alive” by P.O.D. would be playing. Bruce Lee once said not to think about the outcome of a fight, but what your opponent is about to doing and then react. I’m looking for the next punch to come. I’m dancing without thinking about my steps. I’m letting the music move me. Here’s a good abstact. The force is guiding me, but it also obeys my commands. Fear is the mindkiller….I let it pass over and through me. O.K. that sounded deep…now for the news.

If Bush pardons Libbey there had better be riots in the goddamned streets. A deserter got convicted, other troops have signed petitions against the war and quiet as kept almost 5,000 other troops have deserted. One cat is even being charged with helping the opposition. Another cat got charged with helping those less fortunate…he just helped the folks “we” didn’t like. Politicans wuss out once again. When will they realize this administration won’t respect you until you smack them in the mouth.

P.S.
What the hell is the country trying to tell women? I remember other bloggers writing about the articles that basically said if they were professional women most of them would never get married or have kids. Now they are focusing on how all of them a too tired to have sex. Isn’t it enough that most magazines are trying to convince them they’re fat, ugly and their clothes are out of style? Now they need to hear that their going to die alone and don’t get enough sleep? Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ.

“One’s first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one’s last is to come to terms with everything.”
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799)

So something has come up and I need a hand. I’m considering doing something I have casually written off as something I would never do. The opportunity has come up for me to move somewhere. Oh, by the way, I left the hellhole that I called my home address this weekend…EXCELSIOR!!! Problem is I couldn’t find my own spot in time so I’m staying somewhere on a temp basis. Now I have an offer to move into someones home. The rent includes utilities and is cheaper than I have been planning for. This means I can get on the road again sooner…or in a bigger way. I can keep my direct TV, which would cost $150 to dump…God knows NFL sunday ticket is my savior. I won’t be far from all my family, my peoples and downtown. The person is real cool. Now here is the thing. It’s a female…one I’m not involved with or related to. Does that work? Is it beyond the realm of physics? Does it defy logic? Will the time and space continum rip and be torn asunder? Tell me what you guys think…I go to check the space out tonight.