Hey you, down on the food chain.
“Both the cockroach and the bird would get along very well without us, although the cockroach would miss us most.”
Joseph Wood Krutch
Dear Bird,
Look I know you and your mate are trying to raise your family. I understand that. The problem is, I take my smoke breaks in the alley by your tree. I know you want to protect your youngins and all that jazz, but that doesn’t mean it’s cool to buzz me everytime I get within 10 ft. of the tree your nest is in. I mean there are only 3 trees over there and you picked the shortest one to build a nest in. What type of planning is that? When I realized that you were there I tried to give you room. It seems that every inch I give you want another foot. It was one thing when I couldn’t sit in my usual spot. Now I can’t even stand in the alley at all. This is not cool. As much as I respect nature and everything, you guys are going over the line. I flinched on tuesday afternoon when a bird flew past me…and I was around the corner. Not to mention that you still came and sat on the phone line to ice grill me. I’m trying to be nice here, umkay. My man told me you pecked him the other morning. I’ve seen the movie The Birds. I am not afraid of you. We have to learn to coexist…frankly you really do, especially seeing as you’re lower on the food chain. I have enjoyed cornish game hen in the past…I’m just saying. This cannot continue. You even ice grilled me when I was standing in front of the building. What’s the deal!?!?! This is just a notice. I will not be forced into one little area when I want to come outside. Get it together. For real. I have a cat at my house. She’d love to play with you. Chill out.
Sincerely,
Amadeo
bwaahahaha!
that last sentence was especially funny. don’t pull out the cat, dude!
Comment by nikki indigo — May 30, 2007 @ 2:00 am
sic em!
Comment by GC — May 30, 2007 @ 1:51 pm
They say it’s good luck it a bird drops his load on you. I think you’re about to have a change in your fortunes.
Comment by jali — May 30, 2007 @ 3:08 pm
Our feathery friends have targeted us for all the nonsense we’ve done to them and their ancestors in the past. It’s nothing personal my man. Look at it this way. Try cleaning your car and getting that nice shiny gleam and them muther@#$&*! just crap on it like it’s their personal sh!@can or something. Now, it’s war!!! -lol- I say, get the cat…
Comment by Luke Cage — May 30, 2007 @ 8:32 pm
Roasted bird does taste good….
Comment by 1969 — May 31, 2007 @ 2:17 pm
some people eat pidgeons, so I think all birds are fair game, stews are nice, with some freshly baked bread.
Comment by Eslocura — May 31, 2007 @ 2:33 pm
realize that it is barbeque season. thats all i’d say to mr bird. it aint a threat just a statement he can take it as he wishes
Comment by jdid — May 31, 2007 @ 2:45 pm
How problematic would it be to get an extension cord and a hot plate? I’m just saying. That and some lemon pepper would render words unnecessary.
Comment by Mel — May 31, 2007 @ 3:56 pm
Glad your blog and hair are back! G
Comment by Gina — June 3, 2007 @ 7:29 pm