“A certain administration which I won’t call by name took the arts out of the schools, and that left the brothers out on the street with nothing, so they went to the turntables and started rhyming. Then they had a way to express themselves, and that’s the birth of hip-hop.”
Isaac Hayes

So I was out and about this weekend, enjoying myself, taking in some Hip-Hop and all that good stuff. I went to see Kweli on Friday and all I can say is…Good God Damn. I’ve seen a few shows lately (not all of them Hip-Hop) and dudes may have been the longest one of all. You know an artisit is good, but it’s when you hear several of their songs in a row and realize, “This cat has mad bangers!”. Even the joints he put together over other peopls beats. For instance I hope somewhere there’s a mixtape or something with him rocking over the “This is why I’m Hot” beat. A good emcee can infuse something wack with the right ingredients to make it real. Every time I hear that beat from now on in my mind I’ll hear:
Niggas lie a lot
Niggas lie a lot
Niggas lie
Niggas lie
Niggas lie a lot

Not to mention the fact that dude rocked for an hour and a half. So that was great, fricking awesome. So what could I have to gripe about? Well here’s the deal. So, some really good songs were played by the Dj before the show started. This Dj was spinning like he knew I was in the room and he wanted to impress me. Only problem: as I looked around I saw that alot of people weren’t feeling everything he played. I’m not talking about something so obscure that you need an internet connection, a shovel and Kool Herc guiding you to find it. I’m talking about things that everyone I know who loves Hip-Hop knows. Look, when the Sound Bwoy Burriel remix comes on you get your punk ass up. You don’t stand around and with a vacant look on your face. That wasn’t the only song that didn’t get the proper respect. As I stood there wondering what was going on (I mean it’s a Kweli show, they should appreciate these songs), the answer came to me. A Little Brother song came on and the place went crazy and I realized…it’s not that they didn’t feel it…they didn’t know it! These were a bunch of young cats! The same thing happened when Kweli’s Dj played some old joints like Boyz n da Hood by Eazy E (Jumped in the fo’ hit the juice on ma ride/
I got front back, and side to side). I could have wept right there. Every one knew “The Message”, kind of like it was something they were given on a required listening list. They didn’t know alot of the stuff from in between though. That’s like knowing that people landed on Plymouth Rock and then knowing Indians got casinos. The stuff in the middle was what helped to make it. You can’t just throw that away. I guess what really gets my goat is not knowing the Boot Camp joints. All of them knew every Biggie song and I am a holder of the “Biggie rode the wave” torch. Not a knock, but Biggie has been said to have brought attention back to the east as far as Hip-Hop goes…not true. Biggie came out after Black Moon, Smif -n- Wessun and Wu-Tang. There were others, but these cats, especially Wu-Tang recharged the East Coast. West Coast was hard core, but not gritty, these dudes were gritty. Even the beats sounded like they had sand and glass particles in them. They also helped to bring on the era of “The Crew”…everybody started coming out in large numbers. After these cats came out then Biggie hit and luckily for him everyone was looking this way when he did. Hell I remember the Supercat joint with Biggie in it…and Puffy rhyming like he had something stuck in his throat. It’s important to remember things like that. As much as I’d like to forget The Special Ed album that came out after he was on the Crooklyn Dodgers joint…I can’t. These are cats that might know Del from the first Gorillas LP, but not if I played “Catch a Bad One” and that is just ri-god-damned-diculous. If this persists I’ll have to start a pirate radio station or something. Learn something you young folks.

“You never knew. That was his power. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”
Verbal Kint

So you really think it’s all fun and games? You think they’re here for your amusment? Well let me educate you on the Empire behind “The Muppet Show”. It all starts with the Frog and works it’s way down.

The Frog: He’s like Frank Sinatra except he doesn’t just know people…he is people. Some guys buy clubs and use that as a front. Well, Kermit went the full nine and became an entertainer as well. That way he’s on front street in a legit fashion and no one suspects his true status. However don’t think that people who tried to play him on the Muppet Show didn’t get served. Mark Hamill was on after Star Wars, word is he said something out of character to the Frog and since the trilogy the only thing he’s done is the voice of the Joker. Harrison Ford showed proper respect. Kermit has been recruiting since the cradle, Muppet Babies wasn’t a show it was a proving ground…that’s why Scooters sister didn’t make it, he had already found his woman. The Frog stays out of suspicion by looking a certain way…child friendly.

Scooter: Having seen what happened to his sister, Scooter got himself together, went to school and became a financial wizard. His books are so clean you can eat off of them. The Frog is keeping some secrets about Scooter that stop him from getting out of pocket…or going into Kermits. He also books the acts for the show. Scooters best move was flipping the dirty cash between countries. I don’t have all the details but when it comes back it’s clean and has increased by 15%.

Ms.Piggy: This is the big man’s woman. It may seem like she intimidates him, but that’s all a show. He runs the show in the bedroom. However, her strength ain’t no accident. Who better than to be your bodyguard than the woman you run with. Piggy has broke off enough people who stepped to the Frog the wrong way. An example…

Gonzo: This cat (or whatever the hell he is) used to be a real player. As it goes he stepped to The Frog on some takeover nonsense and the Pig rearranged him. Gonzo used to be something you could identify but, after the Pig was done all the doctors could do is what you see. He was also left a little funny in the head, why do you think he runs around with a chicken. He doesn’t know it but, he’s used as a threat to people The Frog needs to make a point to. “You meet Gonzo…you wanna end up like him?”

Fozzie: This is proof that The Frog is a man of his word. When they were little Fozzie took the heat for one of Kermit’s first charges, thus keeping his record clean. The Frog promised to look out for him and he has. I mean the only thing funny about him is that he considers himself a comedian. Plus he’s not even a decent bear. The Frog keeps his word though.

Dr. Bunsen: Bunsen like burner. This is the guy that created Crystal Meth and Ecstasy. The Frog has his hands in everything and designer drugs are Bunsens specialty. If you wondered why his assistant Beaker is so messed up…he’s the one who has to test the stuff.

Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem: This is an example of The Frogs vindictive streak. So The Electric Mayhem just wanted to make it in the business. Kermit wanted to sample some of Janices melody making, but she was Floyds woman. Kermit was just going to knock them off…then he saw Animal and realized he could be useful. Instead of just taking animal away, he signed the band through Dr. Teeth to a horrible contract. Let’s just say in 2050 there is an option to release the band but, only Kermit can exercise it. Animal, however, has been trained in 10 fighting styles and is the Frogs #1 hitman. He’s the one they send in to take out groups of people.

Statler and Waldorf: These two are the real show of The Frogs power. These two mentored Kermit when he was a tadpole. They figured he would grow up and work for them. Wrong. He grew up and took over their turf. He doesn’t kill them cause that would cause too much beef with the “Family” in the Old Country. Besides he keeps them locked up and all that they can do is heckle acts on the show. From players to hostage spectators.

The Frog has an army behind him if you really cause a problem The Animal will come see you. For smaller fish he has Crazy Larry (he’ll really blow your spot), Lew Zealand (he only throws fish on the show - in real life his thing is blades), The Swedish Chef and if he wants to keep the bodies away from him he can always call in his people from the “The Street”.

I’ll be back…I’m trying to contain my anger cause of Artscape and the people and their damn chairs…once more.

Fez Sez:
“I’m ready to appoint, annoint and consecrate.”

“France is a nation devoted to the false hypothesis on which it then builds marvelously logical structures.”
Gore Vidal

So me and The Vixen saw Sicko this week and as soon as possible I’m moving to France. I mean I think it’s a good fit I did very good in French class in school. I like wine and cheese as well. I can sit around and talke about existentialism while smoking. Voltaire was from france…Josephine Baker moved there too. Plus there’s convenient access to the rest of Europe and it’s closer to Africa. There’s a lot more history in that part of the world and I love history. Plus I hear the coffee is the best around. In addition to this it’s not a bad thing to get 5 weeks of paid vacation, free healthcare, free college, ultra-cheap daycare, 24 hour on call doctors, people to come help with the baby and so forth. After seeing that movie I don’t come away as much with a sense of how corrupt and sick our system is (I’ve known that for a while), but how humane other countries are when it comes to taking care of the sick or injured. It reminds me of movies with the Army; someone gets hurt they don’t start filling out forms they start treating them (unless the medic gets killed, but that’s a different situation). The worse part of all of it is that I know just how messed up it is here. The thing is when even Cuba has a better attitude about helping people that should let alot of people know just how screwed up we are. There is nothing wrong with democracy, but capitalism is trap. It’s another class system in disguise. It’s one thing to remain on top because of who your family is, it’s another to remain there because you can pay. Consider that everytime someone steps out on a limb to make things better for the poor, someone else can pay money to block their efforts…and succeed. The worst example for me has to be the law. Where I could be in the right, but someone with more money can just tie things up in continued litigation until I can’t afford to pursue the issue anymore. You must remember as well that France is the most likely place to find all types of cheeses I never even heard of…the most baller spread ever! For real though this health care thing is teh suck1!1!11!! I’m considering (even though my job pays for it) canceling mine and getting the money myself to save. My roommate () recently had an issue with a splinter in her foot and they are now trying to “investigate” if it was a pre-existing condition. What the hell!?!?! “Yes I had a splinter in my foot for the last 10 years and the only way I can do anything about it is by ripping you guys off!” In France they reattached all four of this guys fingers for nothing. Damn insurance companies, damn them straight to hell. So I’ll be getting my French tighter. Does anyone know how to say, “And what bitch!” in french.

You guys haven’t been going to Un-mute.com have you? Is there a problem or something? Do you really want this kitten to die? I wouldn’t send you guys to some random site. I mean c’mon…I’m trustworthy. Check it, here are some links to my stuff and while you’re there feel free to look around. Don’t worry…it’ll all work out. That is the kitten won’t kill himself if you go. You don’t want that drama do you? Go to sleep with a clear conscience tonight m’kay pumpkin.

Desire Review

When Backpackers grow old

Yeah I put the Lost Art post over there too…so what.

Mediocrity: The New Dope part 1

All the Ladies

So while technically this is a short post…it really has five other posts in it so I’m actually giving you more bang for your buck. (those who wish to contribute actual bucks are more than welcome).

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”
Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

Those who abhor cursing and such should refrain from reading the following.

O.K. bitches, I thought we covered this last year…it would seem as though you didn’t listen to me. Dig it, I’m tired of going to outside concerts thinking I’m going to get all amped and dance and such, only to be confronted by these god damn folding chairs. Suck my balls and call me Harry. I’m going to burn down the factories that produce these things. Is there a rule that says once you have one you must show up to free concerts 4 hours before they start and place your chair so that others can’t get anywhere near the stage for the rest of the day. COME THE FUCK ON!!!! Look I know some of you are older right, but for real you had lot’s of great concerts in your day. Why do you feel the need to ruin the things of my (ever fading) youth. Fertile Ground plays dance music people…DANCE! When I come down to First Thursday next month I’m telling you to get your fat asses up and dance or move out of the way! Do you realize this is the first time I ever left a F.G. show with a dry shirt!?!?! Huh, do you!?!?! What the hell is your major malfunction? If this keeps up I’m going to hire a midget to run around cock-punching (great word) you ass-clowns!!! I don’t go out alot anymore, but when I do I want to live it up and living it up is not doing a two step 100 ft. from the bloody stage! Artscape is coming up and if you fuck-balls take up the space at the foot of the hill with your chairs I swear to the shoes that James Brown danced in I will set your chairs ablaze and dance on the ashes until the police (city and state), the F.B.I., C.I.A., the ghost of John Wayne and five Roman Gladiators drag me away. You guys have no idea how seriously pissed I am, seriously. I will walk through your midst swinging my mighty sword and watching the heads of lazy interlopers roll on the ground. You guys suck big red baboon ass. You know what the worst part is? When the show starts you end up standing up! So not only are you taking up space, but your fucking chair is taking up even more! I will reign righteous anger and furious vengenace down upon you all if I have to witness this again. You are on thin ice my friends and I shall be under it when it breaks.

“When I think of talking, it is of course with a woman. For talking at its best being an inspiration, it wants a corresponding divine quality of receptiveness, and where will you find this but in a woman?”
Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894)

So people want to know…or it’s just a character flaw of mine that I can gloss over important things after only mentioning it…probably the latter. Hell I like the attention, how could I not delve into a story. From this point on my “person who I am sweet on” shall be known as the Vixen. Funny how things work out alot of the time. My roommate asked me a good place to meet someone…my answer is now Starbucks.

So anyway I am a Starbucks fiend. I go in the morning and in the afternoon. In addition to my friend who works there I know the names of about…seven employees (three others left) and I also have two crews; one in the morning and another in the afternoon. These consist of an illegal immigrant, a postal employee, (Fez is there in the morning, but he is NOT part of my crew) two U of MD grad students, a former Starbucks employee, A dude I know named Gus (occaisionally) and all the crazy people who walk that area…they kind of invite themselves. Anyway I had been getting along famously with both crews for some weeks, however one day this beautiful sister rolls up and starts talking to my man…of course since he works there he knows plenty of people…including sisters. I teased him later about how it was unfair that he knows all the fine ladies from building their addiction to Starbucks (it’s crack). I thought it may have been a one time meeting since I hadn’t seen her…and I hang out there…alot…like for real…maybe too much. Anyway it so happens that another day when the full afternoon crew is present and my Ace () has come down to scoop me up she pops up again. As we left I scolded my man, “YouWOULD be ready to go now wouldn’t you?” I pretty much knew that if I saw her again I would have to assert my presence something fierce…damn that. No third strikes kids. Next time I saw her it was on. No full press, but I made sure we had some convo. As it so happens she was what really prompted me to write the Lost Art post. She was experiencing a “repeat caller” and I couldn’t help but think that there was another cat wasting chances and ruining it for the rest of us. I gave her, at two different times, advice on how to get this dude away from her. In the midst of this, we just ended up talking quite a bit. It seemed like we would show up first or other people would bounce for some long enough that we could just talk. She was cool…I mean that not just in the usual way, but she was calm and even in temperment. That does a lot for me, I’m not a dramatic person by nature so people who are tend to chaff me a little. When she informed me that dude was still calling I gave her one last bit of advice, “Tell him you met a man that has boyish charm; is loved by children and animals…and go out with me.” Funny cause I asked her with two other cats there, but no one picked up on it. I figured between the repeat caller and Fez trying to get her to go to the Cheesecake Factory I had to do something. So we kicked it…we went out, we talked, we ate some food. It just went down. As appropriate to my belief that nothing ever goes according to plan…while I’m always able to maintain my composure and beliefs in this area, I didn’t get to keep to my little “dating plan” . She’s cooked for me before I could do it for her. We stayed out late. For the first time ever someone know about my first “private spot”. Don’t worry kids, I have some more she doesn’t know about. Strangest of all is that I’m never dating anyone around this time of year. I always end up single during the festival season. I’ve had a break up the week before they started, but I’ve never been connected during the season. Ah well. I guess you just have to flow with it sometimes.

“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
William James (1842 - 1910)

“She was looking for me, for the Bob. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She’d moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now.”
Silent Bob

So I’ve gone through the dating thing and the presentation. However, my recent development of “the sweet on someone” has caused me to have a revelation. This revelation had to do with not only things you should say to a person, but things you should actually internalize yourself. I can’t lay this out in bullet points so here is the spill.

First off know what you want. All is for naught if you don’t at least have a general idea of the direction you would like to head in. Make sure you are secure. I realized recently that this isn’t as much about knowing who you are, as making a decision about who you will be. Just as you shape your world, you shape your self. The only real compass needle you could follow is in your head. When you decide who you’ll be that will go a long way to dealing with someone else. The most important thing to remember is that everyone has a past. You need to know if you can hear it and accept it. Now, hearing it is optional…accepting it can’t be. Let he/she who is without regret throw the first stone. I can think of something(s) in my past that would make me less than desirable. We’ve all been different people and those people’s choices (good or bad) have shaped the person we are now. What’s important is what happens after you have made up your mind that you want to be with someone. People’s regrets can kill them on the inside…don’t rub salt into the wounds. We are all fools and as such our greatest teacher is experience. Making someone suffer for their experience is just petty. The wise thing to do is to reassure them, I never meet someone and say, “hmm, she looks like she has a pure history” (that shit sounds horribly corny). As you reassure them make sure you let the negative things in your own history go as well. The only feeling that is not enhanced by sharing it is misery. Don’t confuse yourself. Whoever it is probably isn’t a virgin. They have probably done something with someone that you wouldn’t want to hear about. Whatever they did was most likely how they came to the conclusion that it was something they didn’t want to do. If you do find someone that is a virgin (conditions of approval are as follows: the moon must be in the seventh house; Zeus, Venus, Christ, Allah, Vishnu, Oshun, Shango, Riki Tiki Tavi and three of Hannibals elephants must be present to witness it) they probably kissed someone before. If they never kissed someone before, they probably had a strong feeling for someone. None of it can matter though. The now is what’s important. What follows won’t matter until it’s now. This is the growing up. The knowing what you want. I don’t question the store my gifts came from, I recognize it for what it is and appreciate it accordingly. I hope that the same is done for me. When you walk into a crowded room look for that person first and tell them to do the same thing. That’s what will matter.

“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. “
Edgar Bergen (1903 - 1978)
So I’m back at work…whatta ya want. I’ll post something real tomorrow. I’m trying to get new material from Fez. I found out that when the Yankees come to town Derek Jeter buys DVDs and goes to Starbucks for lattes…where no one acknowledges him. The Orioles suck. I’m sweet on someone for certain…[Bobby Bouche voice] and she likes me back! Afram is this weekend, Artscape is soon…car purchase is imminent. I’ll get back to ya.