“Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”
William James (1842 - 1910)

“She was looking for me, for the Bob. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She’d moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now.”
Silent Bob

So I’ve gone through the dating thing and the presentation. However, my recent development of “the sweet on someone” has caused me to have a revelation. This revelation had to do with not only things you should say to a person, but things you should actually internalize yourself. I can’t lay this out in bullet points so here is the spill.

First off know what you want. All is for naught if you don’t at least have a general idea of the direction you would like to head in. Make sure you are secure. I realized recently that this isn’t as much about knowing who you are, as making a decision about who you will be. Just as you shape your world, you shape your self. The only real compass needle you could follow is in your head. When you decide who you’ll be that will go a long way to dealing with someone else. The most important thing to remember is that everyone has a past. You need to know if you can hear it and accept it. Now, hearing it is optional…accepting it can’t be. Let he/she who is without regret throw the first stone. I can think of something(s) in my past that would make me less than desirable. We’ve all been different people and those people’s choices (good or bad) have shaped the person we are now. What’s important is what happens after you have made up your mind that you want to be with someone. People’s regrets can kill them on the inside…don’t rub salt into the wounds. We are all fools and as such our greatest teacher is experience. Making someone suffer for their experience is just petty. The wise thing to do is to reassure them, I never meet someone and say, “hmm, she looks like she has a pure history” (that shit sounds horribly corny). As you reassure them make sure you let the negative things in your own history go as well. The only feeling that is not enhanced by sharing it is misery. Don’t confuse yourself. Whoever it is probably isn’t a virgin. They have probably done something with someone that you wouldn’t want to hear about. Whatever they did was most likely how they came to the conclusion that it was something they didn’t want to do. If you do find someone that is a virgin (conditions of approval are as follows: the moon must be in the seventh house; Zeus, Venus, Christ, Allah, Vishnu, Oshun, Shango, Riki Tiki Tavi and three of Hannibals elephants must be present to witness it) they probably kissed someone before. If they never kissed someone before, they probably had a strong feeling for someone. None of it can matter though. The now is what’s important. What follows won’t matter until it’s now. This is the growing up. The knowing what you want. I don’t question the store my gifts came from, I recognize it for what it is and appreciate it accordingly. I hope that the same is done for me. When you walk into a crowded room look for that person first and tell them to do the same thing. That’s what will matter.