Eye on the impossible, grips on the intangible. Happily pissing into the wind and teaching your children to do things that make me laugh for over a quarter century.
“My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.” Errol Flynn (1909 - 1959)
“I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.” E.E. cummings (1894 - 1962)
Check it people (by people I mean those of you who could potentially hire and pay me well). I need cash. Not in a they’re-going-to-break-my-legs kinda way, but still. I need to get somethings moving around here. A brother has a car and insurance to pay for and I need some disposable income so’s I can bet on some football games…(or not if you’re involved with law enforcement). I also need some new wardrobe items and of course new shades. How the hell will I maintain this glamorous lifestyle (*cough*) if someone doesn’t chip in? Pony up bitches good people. Here’s an idea…Oprah, pay me money and I’ll just do this all the time, in addition to my regular type posts I’ll extoll the virtue of you. You can even get a Monthly photo on a post. I understand you’re popular so, I’m willing to let you get a picture in my header image as well. Or even better, Dubya! I never said anything bad about you on this blog…so if you could just cut me a check every month (and pardon me should I have any legal entanglements) I’ll remind the American people just how good a job you’re doing. C’mon peoples daddy needs some new…stuff. Plus I like to roll around with some high show cards if you know what I mean. Plus I gotta woman to look after! The movies ain’t cheap these days! You know we need to hit up Tapas Teatro as well! Get with the damned program and pay me! I can do this all day, if you double my current salary I’ll post two and three times a day! C’mon folks, I need a house with like 5 bedrooms…and a jacuzzi…and a 50″ flat screen…and a dope ass sleigh bed…and an hidden refrigerator that looks like a big cabinet…and a bar…and a zen garden, bamboo and koi pond (with a waterfall) in the back…yeah. So pay me…please. I like attention so I’ll write all the time, you want political? I can do political. You want style and the scene? I’m cool as hell and connected. You want advice? I got it. Yeah just email me and I’ll tell you where to send the checks and put whatever name you need on the page…umkay?
“Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.” Robert Orben
I have a question for the ladies. How do you know if he just wants to be your friend? Perhaps that was just forward so let me frame it. One of the big relationship issues are people who are “just friends” and if they really are just friends. Even if you think they are just friends, do they really want to be? See the Vixen made a good move recently and initially I didn’t recognize it. To hurry myself along, she basically called to say a male friend was trying to get up with her and make sure I was cool. I was and at first I felt like some possesive guy, then I remembered she initiated the call. Of course it’s just like showing the cops you don’t have a weapon before you walk towards them. Eliminating excuses. Making sure everything is cool. However, having had this discussion come up in the past I had to ask of my readership, “How do you know if they’re just a friend, really?” I’m not talking about the casual acquaintance. Some guy you rarely see and come across and have some coffee with is easy, if he expresses interest you can quell that uprising before it begins. My question is about those dudes that are around. The portion of the male argument I usually fall on is the, “I trust you, but not him” side. See you may have it secure in yourself that you’re happy with your man and no one shalt come ‘twain you (yeah I said ‘twain). The thing your man worries is that he is bidding his time, which from afar doesn’t matter, but when done in close quarters is disrespectful of your man and what you have. Another aspect of this is; if you have a woman who sleeps with people based on emotional connections you worry that this dude is latching himself on and that may make it easier for him to slide in when the door is open a crack. If the two of you get into a fight, will he be there to console you before the first tear falls? It’s kinda of like “ass-seeking-poets”. If you’ve been on the poetry scene (especially if you’re a man) you know what I mean. Those poets that almost always do poems about women. His general themes are: 1.Sister, Queen, Mother, Goddess - you too damn good. 2.Fellas, we gotta do right by these sistas. 3.I would love you a thousand ways. 4.A list of things I would do that your man does not. 5.I love women (in a wholesome way). 6.Look how sensitive I am. 7.Look how hard it is for sistas, but they strong enough to get through.
Male poets (and men who frequent poetry spots want to kick this guys ass. Not because the women will tend to dig him and want to hear him. It’s because this asshole is most likely to fuck several of the women who come to these spots. It’s the double whammy, he makes the rest of us look like crap (especially with #2) then he pulls the orignial crutball move and further tarnishes your opinion of men. Plus if we’re heard saying what a douche he is we look bad yet again, while pushing the ladies towards him. So as a warning in the midst of my question, beware any dude who the majority of his art (poetry or otherwise) is about women.
I digress, what I’m really curious about aren’t the mistake dudes; you knew each other you were close and at the right time and place something went down. I’m talking the: {you} oh he’s my friend - {him} she will be mine, dudes. How do you know? I’ve kept in touch with sisters for a minute in an effort to build something, I have never intentionally played a friend role when my intentions were otherwise. Tell me you have a man and my intentions will come clear pretty quick. That’s why this situation is a minefield! The casual friends are easily dealt with. The ones who could either be REALLY good friends or crutball potential usurpers have the same traits. They remain a constant. They call, they invite you out, they remember birthdays, your family may like them. So do you find out one night when they reveal all of their feelings? Do you become suspicious because of things they say or do? Does your man’s attitude drive you into the “friends” arms thus bringing his concern into reality? So, how do you (if you do) know when a guy really just wants to be your friend and when he may be harboring feelings or intentions toward something more?
“Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn’t all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity.” Henry Bromel
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman:“You little scumbag! I got your name, I got your ass! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers I will teach you. Now get up, get on your feet! You had best un-fuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!”
Jesus Jumped Up Palomino! Why do I have to keep on going over things over and over again? When will these dudes learn? I’m about to put together some pamphlets and start passing them out. Or better yet I’ll give some cards to women so when lame dudes ask for their number they can give them my card and I’ll stage an intervention or something. So anyway, the latest takes place in my office. There is a new employee who is an attractive young lady so of course dudes are all in her face…including my clients. I’m really just laughing at them cause I’m sure that a young college graduate who drives a Benz and manages a Main Street program is really in the market for an underage, unemployed, GED student that lives with his momma. The real issue is this: everyday since Monday she has found roses on her car. No name, no note. I immediately shook my head and wanted to print out a copy of my previous lesson, find this guy and sit him down until he memorizes it. On the third day he did place his business card in the roses, after his identity had pretty much been determined already. So here is why this is a bad idea:
First off it may seem like a romantic building of mystery, but (as perhaps some of my female readers can attest to) there is also a negative side.
Negative thoughts as follows -
What if it’s someone I don’t want to deal with at all?
What if this dude is a creepy stalker?
How much is this person watching me?
I’ve mentioned that I don’t like to give roses, but I’ll explain why once more. In the hiearchy Roses are at the top, but there are some recent drawbacks.
1) You can get Roses anywhere: 7 - 11, Mexican dudes on the side of the road, dudes than sell them at clubs, etc. It ain’t hip to pay for your flowers and a slurpee at the same time.
2) Everybody gives Roses. I mean damn, show a little originality. Do you know how many kinds of flowers there are out there?
My thing is before you give anything present yourself. If she ain’t feeling you, you can find out then and there. If after that you make up your mind to go on a win her over campaign, that’s your choice. Maybe it will work, but I’m sure you’ve got less of a chance if you show up after the flowers and she’s not feeling you. You can’t warm up to a total stranger. Also leaving them on the car parked on the same block as her job sucks. I’d say send them to her actual job. It says, “I’m feeling you” while leaving it on the car hints of, “I know where you are and where you’re going later”. That’s not a good look. If you had sent it to her office you would have also built some props for yourself with her co-workers. Now they’re looking out to make sure you don’t get snatched as you go to your car. Get it together fellas.
Caprese Salad.
The Vixen. (who made the caprese salad)
The Jetta GL 1.8 Turbo. (I probably shouldn’t be allowed to have a turbo on any car.)
Seeing my man Ike who I’ve known since the 5th grade. (That’s a long time.)
“In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it.”
Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988)
I once wrote the following list as goals that I would like to accomplish in my lifetime.
1) to be knighted by English Royalty
2) to have some Japenese figure of power to have a sword made for me…and I mean a REAL sword - Japenese steel (I had this one before Kill Bill came out…BTW)
3) to let loose a 1969 Black Mustang Convertible on the Autobahn. A couple trips and then off to Amsterdam for a month I won’t remember.
4) to verbally rip a president in a public forum.
5) to kick the ass of someone like a Navy Seal ( someone trained well).
6) to surf a big wave - not a Tsunami but a large storm driven wave.
7) to be the Sade of Hip-Hop.
8) to die having done or doing something truly noble.
9) to be on Real Time with Bill Maher, P.T.I., the show of some jerk like Bill O’Reilly (and rip him).
10) to become wealthy and NOT buy stupid shit I don’t need or forget about as soon as I buy it.
11) to get an honorary degree from the college I left.
12) to revitalize a third world country.
13) to successfully create cold fusion. (which could help #12)
14) to win an award people covet and not accept it (not the nobel though).
So I went over these and then I thought about things that I have done that were worthwhile and this is what I came up with.
1) I have increased my income on every job I ever had, without any special education or training and still remain one of the youngest most relied upon people.
2) I have helped hundreds of young people get a job, a GED or get into college. One of whom is pulling $45 an hour and I may ask him to hook me up with a job.
3) I haven’t relied on a lot of people to accomplish some of the best things I’ve done.
4) I have exactly zero baby mommas.
5) I have never cheated on a woman.
6) I have demonstratd more self control than I will ever admit on this blog.
7) I have been outside of and on both ends of this country.
8) I’ve told people with authority over me (job wise) that I wasn’t going to do what they say, meant it and followed through.
9) I’ve come through for friends when it counted.
10) I see more in front of me than what’s behind me.
11) I’ve perfomed on stages with people I admire.
12) My ace has joked about me to someone that didn’t know we were friends and this third party (who I don’t know) stuck up for me to the point my ace had to explain we’ve known each other almost two decades. Additionally, several people have said I have a good reputation.
I don’t want to say much about this Tabi Bonney song…as a matter of fact I can’t. I’m being hounded by the sound of dudes voice in my head. So in honor of this song I have a new term. Whenever someone FUBARs something I will now label this as, putting it in the pocket. For example:
You were doing all right for a while, then you went and put it in the pocket.
This whole thing has gone in the pocket.
As a challenge watch the video and try to figure out how many brain cells you lose in the process.
“By the way, what’s this I hear about you skiing the slopes? Are you sneaking off to the OC? Are you sleeping with the enemy?” Donald Faison - Something New
What the hell is going on? I must have missed something. I mean people have dated intteracially for longer than it was actually acceptable. It seems as though it’s becoming a movement for sisters now. You could always find things of this nature, but now as the information starts to collect you realize just how much the vibe is out there. I’m sure folks have heard about the Williams sisters and so forth. But what’s the big push all about. I actually wrote to the writer of one of these blogs and I figure posting my email and her response will pull this thing together best. Just tell me what you guys think. Even if you think I was ignorant.
Me: I recently followed a link to your blog and I just have to ask this question:
What the hell?
Understand this isn’t some nonsensical rant, it’s an honest question. As a young black man who is regularly engaged in discussions on this topic, the flaws of black men, the steps black women have to take for happiness and security, etc…this just seems like gross generalizations and an answer that is an oversimplification. Mind you, I don’t have a problem with interracial marriages or relationships. My issue is that the presentation of your blog comes off as “the answer to the relationship problems of black women”. If someone is in a relationship with a person and the love and respect is mutual, great. However, I’m sure that black women seeking white men to marry isn’t the answer. I’ve told many people that most problems with others starts with themselves. If people are unable to know themselves or at least decide who they are going to be they will remain unable to demand their worth from another person, no matter what race they are. I have no problem with a black women being in a relationship with a white man, but to present it as the ideal just seems silly. As if to say that white men never do any wrong or that all black men do or that a latino or asian man just won’t fit the bill. A further extreme would be to just suggest training yourself to be attracted to other women. I’m involved with a black woman now. All of my relationships have been with black women and though up to this point none have lasted I don’t see it as a sign that perhaps I should just find a white woman. It’s a lack of communication, poor choices and my lack of understanding about who I needed to be with. It was never about race…it was about the person.
Her response: Amadeo, thanks for your note, however I kinda sorta know that you’re not going to understand my perspective. LOL! Hardly ANY African American man gets the point of my blog or agrees with me, whereas at least 98% of bw get the point, although some of them may think I’m a bit outrageous–but just a bit. The point of my blog is to say to black women that they have options just like other women have because so many of us grew up thinking that we didn’t have options. So many bw have been told that they’re too dark, too fat, too big-mouthed, too independent or that something else is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG with them, and that no man will want them–except for sex. LOTS of AA men LOVE telling sistas that we’re undesirable and at the same time they’re trying to get in our pants. LOL!! Many bw grew up thinking that ONLY bm or NO man and this is the main reason why so many sistas will allow a bm to dawg them. They really don’t believe they have a choice or any other option when it comes to men.
Even if all of the bm currently single were perfect mate material and fatherhood material, there still wouldn’t nearly be enough AA available. However, if you’re honest, I’m sure you’d have to admit that many of the bm out there are a far cry from perfect or even good mate material and fatherhood material. Also, I’ve been severely criticized for many of my opinions, so I’m used to that. That’s the price I pay for thinking outside the box and it’s a price I”ve always been willing to pay because I’ve seen how much it benefits me to not think in a tunnel way like so many other bw.
So one of my controversial opinions is that I think that ANY woman should always try to get with a man on or above her level. Folks are just so hot at me for saying that a sista shouldn’t reach down to get a black man or carry him. LOL! Well, I certainly wouldn’t be with a man beneath my level of ANY race or background, so why would I advocate that to any other sista. There are NOT hundreds of thousands or millions of bm out there who are college degree holders or who even have comparable credentials or operate businesses, etc. I believe that a man must be able to support his family on a basic level at least–like food, clothing, and shelter. Those are the basics. That’s a significant point. Most women–in all societies and cultures– want men to be able to provide for a family and be able to protect them and the children. Most women want a man to be able to do those things even though the woman may actually make a lot of money and may be bigger and stronger and smarter than the man.
Many African American men don’t even try to develop themselves in ANY way, and the ‘de evil white man’ excuse is just thin these days. Even with de evil wm doing what evil folks do, there are plenty of opportunities that many bm could avail themselves of. They will not become Bill Gates, but my man doesn’t need to be a millionaire. Many bm DON’T EVEN TRY!! I certainly would not encourage any sista to get with a bm like that. He’s a loser, yet many folks in the black community will be trying to get a sista who has struggled against all kinds of odds to get her master’s degree to get with a bm who’s a maintenance worker. How come he doesn’t go back to school? Why is he content to empty trash all of his life? Why is he too good to struggle like she did. Yet if she’s a cleaning lady and he’s the master’s degree holder, he would not be pressured to get with her. Folks would instead say to him, “Man, you can do better than that!” That’s such double standard. This is what so many sistas can’t understand. We’re the victims of racism AND sexism, yet we still try to rise, whereas so many bm just want to complain about how this and that ain’t right. Therefore, many sistas are looking for alternatives. Even many of the sistas who won’t admit that are still looking for more ambitious men.
Also, white men aren’t the ONLY men I suggest to sistas, however, white men are the LARGEST group of non AA men available in every little nook and cranny in this country where sistas are. You don’t find many Asian or Hispanic men in Dothan, Alabama, for ex., however there are plenty of white men there. Also, many Asian and Hispanic men are racists and into colorism just like racist white men. Then too, there are many black men who discriminate against bw based on skin shade and facial features, and all sistas are not as light as Halle or look euro. The point is there are many OTHER men of ALL ethnicities out there who find bw of all skin shades and facial features appealing and would make wonderful mates for sistas.
White and other men ARE apparently the answer for SOME sistas because we are in loving relationships with these non-AA men, and they are good fathers to the children, so why discourage that? You have your woman and I’m happy for you, so you should be happy for us sistas when we find compatible men.
Anyway, I don’t expect for you to understand, however I’m just being polite in responding to your message.
I don’t think she addressed me as much as responded to the usual letters she gets. I still stand by it being about the person and getting secure within yourself. Oh, well…I still love the sisters.
“I’d wash the sand off the shore
Give you the world if it was mine
Blow you right to my door
Feels fine” Sade
So I told you guys that you need to take the ladies to those special hide away spots (you might need to find some first). So this weekend me and the Vixen did sort of a tour of the places I know. I have to tell you that I was a little dismayed when I found out she already knew about Cylburn Arboretum. It’s funny when you know this place and realize how close it is to Park Heights and Druid Hill. Despite her prior knowledge it was still a good place to go.
The gnarly tree was jive cool.
But I am a sucker for Bamboo. I always wanted to line my yard with it. Beauty that provides privacy. Plus when the kids act up you can beat them with it. So yeah she had been to Cylburn…but she wasn’t down with the Loch Raven Reservoir!
Real life is that I found this place because I made a wrong turn one day leaving my dish washing job before I went to Morgan. If you know Baltimore than know this: I walked from Joppa Road to the Charles Hickey School, through the reservoir and from the start of Dulaney Valley Rd down to Towson Town Center. 5 hour walk I kid you not. I was pissed at the time, but alot of the walk was through the reservoir and it was nice. I always swore I’d go back there…in a car. Additionally There’s this place called Peerce’s Plantation…well they changed that name…it was called Whitey’s Plantation when we walked by it in 1996. While we’re mentioning things that are real:
If I ever get the money I’ll buy Cylburn Arboretum, restore the Mansion and live in it. It may seem like a bad guy thing to do…but so what. Go enjoy some other parks or something. I’ll sell detailed picture books so people can still see it, but don’t get caught up on my lands…and I won’t eliminate jobs…someone has to take care of the grounds. That is on Post-Civil war, four floor joint that I want for myself. Anyone who’s in Baltimore, needs to see this place.
“The unforgivable crime is soft hitting. Do not hit at all if it can be avoided; but never hit softly.” Theodore Roosevelt
So certain things in my life lead me to consider other things. Since I’ve been seen about with the Vixen, believe it or not, I’ve been thinking about fighting. Some of the ladies may (I said may) not understand this, but dudes know what comes along with being out in public with a beautiful woman…especially when there’s plenty of ignorant dudes around. Me and my man (who’s married) had this discussion the other day. We said it’s a struggle between being an intelligent, articulate man who has common sense and the urge to slam some ignoramus into a table for violating. Now I’m not the type that has ever started a fight, but I do have bully issues so I can’t take people crossing certain lines. As a matter of fact most of the fights I’ve been in throughout my life were me vs. a bigger dude who wanted to mess with me and thought I would back down…NO. So anyway, for all you intelligent articulate dudes who go out and about with lovely ladies here are some tips.
1) Too Careful: You’re walking down the street. Some random dudes are hanging about and they may or may not be trouble do you: a) walk around them
b) cross the street
c) pretend you’re crazy
d) walk through them like you’re “Muhammad I’m hard Bruce Lee” (no BrickTop)
D is the answer…I treat people like animals in the sense that they can smell and will pounce on fear. I have had people comment as they passed by, say things from a distance, etc. I have never had a problem walking through a group of cats. The Psychology is those who are afraid will avoid. Even if you’re dealing with someone who isn’t just a knuckle head, he’ll think twice about stepping to the dude who walks close.
2) No More Words: Yelling back and forth about what will happen is a bad look. I never understood it. So before you find yourself in a contest of words make up your mind as to how much you really want to say. After that just hit somebody. Nothing is better than popping someone in the middle of telling you how bad they’ll hurt you. Plus alot of cats really want you to back down and can’t handle when you step up…so stepping up for real is usually the last thing they expect.
3) Commit: You are a grown ass man. Realize a few things, this ain’t a movie or a sparring match. Blocking and ducking looks cool on screen, but I have rarely seen it happen in a street fight. Act like dude is trying to kill you and end it as soon as possible. Showing off, underestimating and drawing things out are all bad.
4) Target: In the spirit of ending the entire conversation, here are some places to focus on when you throw hands.
a) Diaphragm: Sometimes called the Solar Plexus, if you hit someone here they will have problems breathing. This is an end the entire conversation type of move. I’ve only really done this to someone once…but that dude had tears coming out of his eyes…so I’m pretty sure it doesn’t feel too good.
b) Throat: Same as the Diaphragm, can’ts can’t breathe and not being able to breathe makes them nervous…and when you can’t breathe it’s pretty hard to fight someone.
c) Testicles: It may be cruddy, but hell I didn’t start the beef I just want it to end quickly.
d) Kneecaps: No matter how many Kung Fu movies people have seen, they never seem to be ready for you to kick them. I recommend faking a punch and then kicking them in the knee…really it’s more stomping them in the knee. Can’t stand, can’t fight.
5) Go Hard: Gotta Go? Go Hard. I mean all the way. Hit dudes with chairs, sticks, throw rocks…bite if you have to. Do what the hell you need to to come out on top. I do not condone screaming like a little girl though.
