“Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.”
Robert Orben

I have a question for the ladies. How do you know if he just wants to be your friend? Perhaps that was just forward so let me frame it. One of the big relationship issues are people who are “just friends” and if they really are just friends. Even if you think they are just friends, do they really want to be? See the Vixen made a good move recently and initially I didn’t recognize it. To hurry myself along, she basically called to say a male friend was trying to get up with her and make sure I was cool. I was and at first I felt like some possesive guy, then I remembered she initiated the call. Of course it’s just like showing the cops you don’t have a weapon before you walk towards them. Eliminating excuses. Making sure everything is cool. However, having had this discussion come up in the past I had to ask of my readership, “How do you know if they’re just a friend, really?” I’m not talking about the casual acquaintance. Some guy you rarely see and come across and have some coffee with is easy, if he expresses interest you can quell that uprising before it begins. My question is about those dudes that are around. The portion of the male argument I usually fall on is the, “I trust you, but not him” side. See you may have it secure in yourself that you’re happy with your man and no one shalt come ‘twain you (yeah I said ‘twain). The thing your man worries is that he is bidding his time, which from afar doesn’t matter, but when done in close quarters is disrespectful of your man and what you have. Another aspect of this is; if you have a woman who sleeps with people based on emotional connections you worry that this dude is latching himself on and that may make it easier for him to slide in when the door is open a crack. If the two of you get into a fight, will he be there to console you before the first tear falls? It’s kinda of like “ass-seeking-poets”. If you’ve been on the poetry scene (especially if you’re a man) you know what I mean. Those poets that almost always do poems about women. His general themes are:
1. Sister, Queen, Mother, Goddess - you too damn good.
2. Fellas, we gotta do right by these sistas.
3. I would love you a thousand ways.
4. A list of things I would do that your man does not.
5. I love women (in a wholesome way).
6. Look how sensitive I am.
7. Look how hard it is for sistas, but they strong enough to get through.

Male poets (and men who frequent poetry spots want to kick this guys ass. Not because the women will tend to dig him and want to hear him. It’s because this asshole is most likely to fuck several of the women who come to these spots. It’s the double whammy, he makes the rest of us look like crap (especially with #2) then he pulls the orignial crutball move and further tarnishes your opinion of men. Plus if we’re heard saying what a douche he is we look bad yet again, while pushing the ladies towards him. So as a warning in the midst of my question, beware any dude who the majority of his art (poetry or otherwise) is about women.

I digress, what I’m really curious about aren’t the mistake dudes; you knew each other you were close and at the right time and place something went down. I’m talking the: {you} oh he’s my friend - {him} she will be mine, dudes. How do you know? I’ve kept in touch with sisters for a minute in an effort to build something, I have never intentionally played a friend role when my intentions were otherwise. Tell me you have a man and my intentions will come clear pretty quick. That’s why this situation is a minefield! The casual friends are easily dealt with. The ones who could either be REALLY good friends or crutball potential usurpers have the same traits. They remain a constant. They call, they invite you out, they remember birthdays, your family may like them. So do you find out one night when they reveal all of their feelings? Do you become suspicious because of things they say or do? Does your man’s attitude drive you into the “friends” arms thus bringing his concern into reality? So, how do you (if you do) know when a guy really just wants to be your friend and when he may be harboring feelings or intentions toward something more?