“Innocence plays in the backyard of ignorance”
Proverb quotes

I come to address a serious topic today. Well, first I’ll share a revelation with you. I realized that I had a better audience in women as far as my advice for men then the jerks that really needed it. Last night it came to me that there was another audience who may be willing to take my advice. Since I’ve seen Hitch I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier. The Nice Guy. That’s all dude worked with because his goal wasn’t to help jerks get laid…it was to help nice guys get the girl in a real way. So, that said, I would like to break down for all you ladies out there - Nice Guy Syndrome.

You’ve seen them before and you probably forgot them quickly. They helped you out in school, they’ve held doors for you. They’ve done all kinds of things that your exes wouldn’t do (or wouldn’t keep doing), but still they faded from your memory or they became your “friend”. There are various reasons behind the downfall of the Nice Guy. Let’s go into the syndrome.

He’s checking you out, but hasn’t asked you out:

There may be some fear and nervousness here, but there are also other possibilities.

1) Dude may actually be trying to get to know you, which may have him taking too much time and end up in the friend zone. Slow hand…not so easy touch.

2) He doesn’t want you to mistake him. As someone who went to an HBCU I learned that in the morning when a sista crossed campus, she was approached so many times that even saying “hi” to her could be taken as, “give me your number so I can bang that out”. He wants to talk to you without having to talk through or around that wall sistas have (and often need) to keep the ignorant out. He knows you have it and he knows why you need it. He just doesn’t want to get confronted with it knowing he doesn’t deserve it. So basically he’s doing recon and waiting for the chance to get to you sans wall.

3) We are the initiators, the ones that are expected to approach and while people may say that a “no” isn’t a big thing. You might be surprised at how many times an average dude hears “no”. Just as surprising are some of the reasons for the “no”. Now, a no may not be so bad, when you’re just trying your arm. When you have really noticed a sister it’s harder to hear that no. I’m talking in those situaitons where you plan your approach in your head and usually get confronted with her before you were ready…which puts you back at step one, planning again.

4) Dude is shy. Perhaps it seems antiquated, but I remember the days of longing from afar and just not knowing how to make it happen. This goes double if he sees you in a group and not by yourself as much. Groups can be unforgiving things. Plus when you have real interest things just become a lot more difficult. You don’t become interested in people everyday and when you do that admiration tends to make approaching them more difficult.

These are some of the fatal flaws of a Nice Guy. That’s why they finish last. Slow and steady doesn’t win the race to get the girl. She will have given someone else who moved faster and turned out to be a dick a shot, just because he put in his bid. Now, I understand the plight of the nice guy, but I also understand why they don’t make it alot of the time. I’ve learned that you have to initiate and you have to be ready to shrug someone off if they aren’t open to you. Saying it is easy, but it took years of experience for me to internalize it. The nice guys lack of polish in this situation is an extension of his lack of greasiness. Double - edged sword. The thing that makes him worth while also makes it hard for him to win. If the Nice Guy could find a balance he would be alright, what’s worse is sometimes the ones who make it get treated badly and end up becoming jerks.

Support your local Nice Guy!