Dungeon Master: Just follow that path. But beware. You must never touch - the beauty - that breathes the beast.
Eric: Beauty that breathes the beast? What is that, Cinderella with bad breath?

So this weekend I stole my mother’s Dungeon and Dragons complete boxed set. This thing is dope, if you’re really a nerd and you actually play the D&D games, it gives you a scenario using the characters from the cartoon. This is not what I come to tell you though. I have come to put out a warning. After all these years I realized something. Dungeon Master is a pedo.

Just look at the facts:

He lures kids into his world with an amusment park ride. He might as well have been standing in his door saying, “You kids like popsicles?”

He keeps stringing them along: “I’ll help you get home, I just need you to do a little something for me real quick.” Then they always get to see home, but just miss getting there. Dangling the carrot in their face.

He gives them gifts to gain their favor: “Here have a magic stick.”

He gives them a pet. By the way was Uni gay or a female or just another victim?

He talks in a soft voice and uses riddles.

He steadily builds their trust for something big. At the start of an episode Eric is usually complaining and whatever he puts them through at the end everyone is glad to see him. Plus as evil as Venger is he doesn’t take dude out. He let’s him chase the kids and leaves them to their wits. Then he shows up and says, “See, I knew you could do it!”

Why do you think Eric was always so surly towards Dungeon Master? He got touched first! He found out early on what DM was all about. The rest of them just wouldn’t listen to him. The second person just didn’t know enough to express what was going on. You can tell pretty easily though.

Just look at the pain in little Bobby’s eyes. There’s a world of hurt right there.

I just wanted everyone to know that for the month of December all proceeds dontated through my paypal button will go to the Human Fund.
The Human Fund…money for people.

Airing of Grievances: I gotta lotta problems with you people and now you’re gonna hear about it!!!

State Board of Education:
You went and reappointed Nancy Grasmick. Sumbitch. Now I don’t care if O’Malley wanted to get her out and you rushed to vote to put her in. I don’t care that the damned Board of Education building is named after her…but how the hell do you pull that off. If I came in tomorrow and the place where I worked was named after me, that would be more weird than an ego boost. Don’t they usually wait until you retire, or even die before they do stuff like that? My main issue is, this broad has been in that spot since before I graduated from high school and now more than then (or ever) Public Schools are….wait for it….fucked the fuck up. What the hell has she done to even get relected? Schools have been taken over. Mad city schools are closed. Hell my old high school is now two schools with a combined enrollment of about 300 more kids than my freshmen class. Think about that, there’s a chance that if the entire school traveled through time they could possibly get beat up by just my freshmen class. Schools have had lead and crap in their water. Oprah came out dissed them before building a school overseas, when Oprah takes time out to travel and diss you…DAMN.

The MD Lottery
Your Scratch offs can kiss my ass!!! That is all.

My Job
You know alot of Non-profits give out Chrismas bonuses. Who cares if I don’t celebrate Christmas. I can cash a check just as good as anybody else. Besides what would Jesus do? He’d write the check, that’s what.

WIA (Workforce Investment Act)
I have a present for you guys as well…a big floppy donkey dick. Enjoy it.

Massholes (New Englanders - Patriots and Redsox fans)
Shut the hell up. I watch sports I know what the hell is going on. You guys were o.k. when you were losing, I liked your curse better than that whole goat thing Chicago had. For real though, give it a rest. You guys are getting on my nerves. That’s o.k. though…it can’t last forever. Enjoy the ride.

Mickey from 98 Rock
Sometimes you’re a moron dude. I won’t go further than that cause sometimes you’re funny.

Since this is not a personal holiday feel free to list those you have issues with.

“Kyle “I should have been a” Boller”
Skip Bayless

I hereby promise that I will not express any dissapointment with Kyle Boller until at least 5 games into next season. Despite the coaches screwing up and calling a time out (that probably cost the game). You and the rest of the fellas played hella good. I know things didn’t go your way. I think the refs blew some calls. I also know that it sucks to be 3 yards from possible victory. I can’t be mad though. You guys did great. I will say, that last Patriots touchdown was bobbled. Gaffney didn’t have it firm in his grasp before he went out. Boller, you went through a lot of crap here. You should have never been put in to start so soon, but last night you should that you can step up and play. I’m proud of you….truth be told I’d be prouder if I had a grand against the Pats versus the spread, but that’s not your concern.

Kyle you threw the hell out of that ball…play like that some more often.

Bart I understand….I was pissed too.

Kelly(buddy lee)…You need a probowl man…I know you’ve had the most tackles at your position in the last few years.

So despite the fact that I didn’t have any money on the game…I’m left with a good feeling still.

Plus knowing you guys came closer than the Cowboys did gives me ammunition to use at the office. They’ll mention your record, of course, then I’ll mention that the Cowboys do play in the NFC.

“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”
Jack London (1876 - 1916)

I’m trying to understand who leaves these long as comments on peoples blogs. I mean spam bots are one thing, but it’s like if Pat Robertson, Tony Robbins, and Michael Moore were combined, imbued with geek powers and spend their time leaving long ass comments in on folks blogs. Once I tried to read one, but I couldn’t even stay with it. It’s like evangelical conspiracy theory blog raiding. Ya’ll know what I’m talking about, I’ve seen some on some of your sites and for those who get spam blocked, you’ve seen them in moderation. These cats need to be beaten with a bag of nickels. I would like to form a hunting party and go find these people. Who’s with me?