“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.”
Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962)

Familiarity breeds contempt. I’m familiar with the term, but one story has made it take on a new meaning for me. Brandon Morris has been the talk of the newfolk. They love to have crime stories, but it’s even better when the person is in custody and on trial. Makes people feel like something is being done or it justifies their lack of faith in the system. As someone who has grown up amidst certain things and works with low income, transient youth, I have some familiarity with how screwed up his life may have been. There’s a flip side to it though. I’ve seen more people get beat up, intimidated, humilated and so forth in schools then anywhere else. Despite being from an era that was more about fighting then killing, I know the feeling of, “I might have to kill dude, cause I wanna live”. I know strike first. I know watch the hustle. I know get over. I’m also intelligent enough to understand courts sending a message, defensive strategies, and so forth. Everytime I see one particular video of this cat, I think “He was going hard and there is no remorse.” It’s kind of an ill feeling. The look on his face does it. He mugs on the camera. It’s one of those mugs that if a dude got it from down the street, he’d think it was time to go see money. I know cats like that to. Cat’s that mug the whole world. Cat’s who used to be different, but over time you realize that even if you were ever close…you might not be safe around him. Like he was a con man…and you know you aren’t working on the same level…so now he sees you as a mark. All he does is take down marks. The type of guy that if he walked into a club today…you’d think it’s about time for you to go. Even if he has no plans to rob the place, you know how close he stays to blowing up. The type of dude that you hope doesn’t come off at your lady. Cause in that position he won’t apologize or back down. He’ll make you backdown or go full out. He expects you to back down. You know you have enough in your life to protect that you should back down. Only problem is you don’t wanna have to deal with him later. Your problem is you’ve learned how not saying that extra thing can prevent the clash. You’ve learned how not caring a little let’s you pass by. You’ve learned you’re a little tired of it all. You know what’s inside you and you know what you’ve been able to do before. Every now and again you get the urge let go on someone and this is the perfect type of person. If he doesn’t really care then you don’t have to either. If he would hurt you without remorse, then you can do the same. You’re hating him. Hating him cause you can’t even go out without coming across someone like him. You can’t even do your job without seeing another him. You go to a mall and run across little scared people trying to convince themselves and others that they are him. He’s the Sabertooth to your Wolverine. You hate him because he is a part of you. The part of you that you supress he has embraced. What he revels in you regret. What you have disciplined he has unleashed. So much so you wouldn’t even express it all aloud, cause you want to be more compassionate than him. But you’ve known plenty people like him…people that went so hard either the cops ended them…or they did enough that someone else had to. When you hear about them going you don’t feel sad…you feel a little relief. That’s one less that you have to be alert around. It’s a fucked up feeling I tell you. Especially when you can become a target cause you your elevation (however limited). You end up being seen as an easier mark cause you won’t want the drama, cause you’ll let it go. You start to hate for even being put in that position. You start thinking you have too much to lose to back down. You’re logic is different now. You have things to fight for. He’s become another person in your mind. You know there’s nothing special about him, he either doesn’t care…or is willing to go far enough to make you think he doesn’t. You start to be angry that he might even think to try you. You understand what you could do and you almost want an excuse. In that moment you no longer care. Worse is you don’t feel anyway about it either. You think fuck him and your thoughts are a mirror of his. Not only do you not feel bad, but you feel like you earned the right. You realize that there is darkness in you and you’re not sure if you’re sad that it’s there or happy that it doesn’t rule you. What a world.

Wyatt Earp: What makes a man like Ringo, Doc? What makes him do the things he does?
Doc Holliday: A man like Ringo has got a great big hole, right in the middle of him. He can never kill enough, or steal enough, or inflict enough pain to ever fill it.
Wyatt Earp: What does he want?
Doc Holliday: Revenge.
Wyatt Earp: For what?
Doc Holliday: Bein’ born.