Amadeo Sogni

I’m doing YouthWorks job readiness classes all week. 9-12 and 1-4 (you horrible scheduling sons of bitches). So I jacked this from Cracktales 2.0 to prove that I actually do read.

1. List three books you’ve always meant to read, but haven’t got around to them.

The WAR AGAINST BOYS: How Misguided Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men by Christina Hoff Sommers

The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader by Ryder Windham
(I’m a Star Wars geek so what)

The Art of War by Sun Tzu
(I have it, I’ve browsed it…just never actually read it…sue me)

2. Share the two books that changed your life.

IT by Stephen King
…it sounds funny, but when I was young I had very severe asthma…to the point that I eventually didn’t do a lot of physical activities for fear of having an attack. When I read this novel and read about what Eddie Kaspbrak went through with his mothers Munchausen Syndrome as it related to his asthma my thinking changed. Mind you I ACTUALLY have asthma, but I stopped letting it control me. I went from being a kid who would get all wheezy from running up the block to being able to run a mile…when I am exercising regularly. In the end it showed me the power of my mind. Also: I like how alot of his books deal with children in a real way…things are more real for kids then adults usually want to admit.

Seize the Time: The Story of the Black Panther Party and Huey P. Newton by Bobby Seale
No matter what he did later…this book changed the way I looked at things…and made me feel o.k. that I’m still willing to punch someone in the mouth.

3. Recommend the one book you’ve been talking about since the very first day you’ve read it.

The Decline of Males: The First Look at an Unexpected New World for Men and Women
by Lionel Tiger

I recommend that everyone reads this. It put research and history behind something I was feeling and trying to argue for ahile. This should certainly be on the list for all men.

4. Link to this post so we can read all about them when you’re done.

5. If you tag others, let them know by leaving them a comment in one of their recent posts (but not in the one about their grandmother dying—honestly, people, I don’t get that) or send them a kind, non-spammy email.

“Until justice is blind to color, until education is unaware of race, until opportunity is unconcerned with the color of men’s skins, emancipation will be a proclamation but not a fact.”
Lyndon B. Johnson

When I listened to the speech given by Barack Obama I truly thought it was the best speech I’ve personally heard from any politician during my lifetime. Not many people have been able to articulate the fears and concerns of everyone when the speak on the subject. In the aftermath I heard alot of positive things from people of all races. Ialso heard alot of bullshit from people who were never really for Obama from the start. One that stood out to me was someone speaking of their 70 year old mother, the child of Irish immigrants who worked there way up to to being millionaires. Her family is republican now, but she pointed out how his speech made her think of her father and some of the things that he went through. Beyond race America has always had issues with people. Native Americans, Irish, Jewish, Black, Italian, Latino, Asian - no one has been spared. The problem is actually reflected quite well in the quote above. Legislation doesn’t change the hearts of people. Laws don’t make them feel differently about each other. When it comes to people getting along surface and visual differences only help to make it a easier to discriminate or dislike or outright hate. I find it funny that the very basic things in life help us to get over them.

I currently work in Pigtown. This area of Baltimore city is 49.6% Black and 49.6% White. The rest is Vietnamese and Latinos. In the 7 years that I have worked here my eyes have become open to one thing. When people are in close proximity and share the same concerns and economic status…race ceases to be an issue amongst that group. At one time here, black people stayed in their area and white people stayed in theirs. It was understood that crossing over would result in a beat down. Today the grandchildren of those same people represent one of the largest groups of interracial relationships and children then you could point out anywhere in the city. Hell even some of the grandparents are down with the swirl. It’s also an areas with a low median income. It’s an area that was hurt when the number of manufacturing jobs dropped in Baltimore. It’s an area that has issues with drugs and crime. This is an area that I look to when ever I read someone nurturing a belief that one race commits more crime or has a bigger issue with drugs. I see addicts, young mothers, criminals, and bums of both colors - I see working, educated, people of all colors striving for a better life. Somewhere between then and now alot of people lost money and started associating with each other based on interest. The hardworking people tend to stick together. The junkies stick together. The criminals stick together…as much as criminals can. Mind you, I won’t paint Pigtown as a harmonic convergence of various races. I still see the remnants of old prejudices…but normally in older people. When I’m in downtown Baltimore I might cross paths with a white woman who’ll clutch her purse or give me a little extra space. In Pigtown (since it is a lower income area) I have to make sure I watch out. The part that I enjoy about this is that race doesn’t come into play. If someone is going to rob me here, they could be any color. Watching the young black guy just leaves me open to be victim to the young white guy. I also can’t assume who someone may be. The haggard looking person walking down the street may be coming from working a double shift. It puts things into perspective to see people who are white and black just leading their lives. When things break down people search for people with similar sensiblities…not similar heritage. I don’t think some dialog about race here would hurt…but frankly people here need the dialog about helping those in the lower tax brackets. I’ve realized that money allows you space and in that space often misunderstandings occur. In that space misconceptions grow. When forced together there is initially friction, but after a while you see the truth of commonalities. It’s like recognizing the assholes in your family and the sensible people down the street. What links us isn’t genetic, it’s much more basic then that. My question is…will it take close proximity and a broken job market for the entire country to see it?

Barack Obama’s speech…did you see it? What do you think? Discuss. I’ll give my opinion later on.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Anais Nin (1903 - 1977)

So a ways back I posted something that people seemed to dig. Now I’m posting something for someone like me. See before I had the confidence that I have now…I was the type to pine for a woman. I had a lot of trouble breaking that friend barrier. More then that it took me a long time to be able to just approach a woman. Truth be told I still get ansy. So here is the scenario:

You’ve been around this girl for a while, you’re digging her. People say there is chemistry there and she seems to have some interest. Problem is you may fumble like Kyle Boller with a lead in the 4th quarter (I can say it, I’m a Ravens fan and I’ve supported him). How do you initiate?

1) Preparation - So you’ve been around each other for sometime and have not made a move. This is a double edged sword. On the positive: You haven’t come off as a horny asshole that asks every girl for her number and if you weren’t with anyone else during this time there isn’t much info floating around about you. Downside: Extended time puts you closer to the friend zone. You need a fact finding mission: You don’t want to build yourself up to do something to get crused by the truth that she has a man. Use your resources to find out if she is seeing someone. Mind you asking lots of people is a bad move as word will get out. Even asking one wrong person can sink you. I once had a guy ask me what I thought of a girl then go tell her I liked her. Mind you it was in high school, but assholes grow old, they don’t usually mature. If someone you can trust may know ask them. I always like to know what I can beforehand whenever possible. If not one thing never fails…

2)Ask Her - If you want to talk to a woman and you get nervous, the best cure is to get her talking. The point is to get you talking really, but if she’s talking it makes it easier on you. So just ask her, “How are you…How the fellas treating you?” It’s innocent enough, but if she’s open you find out what you need to know and you learn about her. Chris Rock was right, you’re looking for the combination of words that will allow her to talk. My lady…(Hey Vixen) related some stories about the lame dates she had been having and the lame approaches that dudes were making. I used that chance to relate how I thought things should happen and after I made sure she was someone I wanted to deal with I gave her this advice about a frequent caller: “Next time he calls tell him you met a guy who’s loved by children and animals and go out with me.” Needless to say it worked. Not because I’m charming, handsome and actually loved by children and animals (even though I am), but because in the lead up we had talked in a way that let us know about each other. I became sure that I at least wanted to find out more and she was fairly certain I wasn’t totally crazy. She has since discovered I’m about 20% crazy…an acceptable level. To put it in perspective all of the prior conversations happened in a group of friends. So it wasn’t an obvious thing, it was simply people talking about the insane world of dating. Groups can be bad if you blurt out “I think I love you.” If you just talk about relationships and dating it’s the safest way to find out about a person. On the otherside, asking on the one and one opens the door to you openly flirting, without you having to.

3) Your Move - If you can get this line of conversation moving it’s your chance to show her who you are. If she has a beef about something dudes do then tell her how you handle the same thing. Mind you…Do Not Lie or Tell Her What She Wants To Hear. If she mentions something don’t just be critical of these guys. If you think you have insight to their motives share it. Lying is never the move though, if you get with her she’ll remember how you said you thought dudes were fools for doing the thing that you’re currently doing and she’ll be pissed. Also it can be a chance for you to examine things you’ve done and see how women receive those actions. The point is for both of you to learn about the other. If she goes off about how she needs a man to pay her tuition and increase her wardrobe…you’ll know to back off. If her biggest beef is that people don’t seem to have common sense, you know how to approach. Don’t forget you want to know more about her…that’s the whole approach.

4) Mantra - The Goo Goo Dolls had a song I loved called Iris…yes I can be sappy. One line in particular stood out to me because it’s the truest thing you can do. “I just want you to know who I am…”. In the end that’s all you’re trying to do, is make sure she knows who you are. Hopefully it means she’ll want to be around you once she knows. If not, well it sucks, but at least there is no confusion. When all else fails if you can’t think of anything to say, I think that is the most appropriate thing to say. You want to retain your coolness. By coolness I mean:

From Websters -
2 a: marked by steady dispassionate calmness and self-control a cool and calculating administrator b: lacking ardor or friendliness a cool impersonal manner c: of jazz : marked by restrained emotion and the frequent use of counterpoint d: free from tensions or violence meeting with minority groups in an attempt to keep the city cool

Synonyms: cool, composed, collected, unruffled, imperturbable, nonchalant mean free from agitation or excitement. cool may imply calmness, deliberateness, or dispassionateness kept a cool head. composed implies freedom from agitation as a result of self-discipline or a sedate disposition the composed pianist gave a flawless concert. collected implies a concentration of mind that eliminates distractions especially in moments of crisis the nurse stayed calm and collected. unruffled suggests apparent serenity and poise in the face of setbacks or in the midst of excitement harried but unruffled. imperturbable implies coolness or assurance even under severe provocation the speaker remained imperturbable despite the heckling. nonchalant stresses an easy coolness of manner or casualness that suggests indifference or unconcern a nonchalant driver.

The things in bold are the true cool. See, the biggest problems in these situations are:
1) Being too aggressive.
2) Pestering.
3) Lack of confience.
4)Not taking action.

You want to present yourself and demonstrate your worth so she can make up her mind. You don’t want to keep asking and pushing. What you want to do can be broken down into three basic steps:

Forget that you dig her and just find out who she is.
Let her know who you are.
Give her space to make up her mind.

These are my same three rules just in lay terms.

Going to dinner or whatever is just extra. All you really want is the chance to talk. Where you take somone is just further demonstration of your personality and taste. You have to understand the three rules so if you tell her you want to know her and for her to know you it is (and comes off as) genuine. If you have trouble finding actual words to initiate the process, keep it simple. “I’m curious about you.”, “I think I want to know you, but I’m not sure.” (explanation being that she seems cool but could be hiding her crazy), “What are you doing right now, would you care to join me for a…(drink, cup of coffee, whatever). If she’s chilling some where: “Do you mind if I sit with you”, if she says yes warn her you might start a conversation. Keep it light. Even though it feels like it this is not the Apocalypse…remind yourself of this as well. She is a person just like you. As cruddy as this sounds this may bring the last point home:
She has gas.
She takes dumps.
She probably has bad breath when she wakes up.

Just like you, me and everyone else. When we like someone we tend to build them up as we’re seeing good things about them, you don’t have to reduce her to nothing in your mind, but remember she’s not infallible. That means you don’t have to be either. Joke with her about how clumsy you are. Tell her you’re 6′ 4″ and can’t ball.

Deliberateness is your ally. Don’t happen to be somewhere and see her. Your intention is to talk to her. Don’t pretend “Oh, off the top of my head…”. You don’t have to say, “When I saw you today I had to come and find out about you.” But you don’t need to hide this fact either. You had a plan and you planned to see it through. There is nothing wrong with being transparent. Confidence makes just about anything cool…except explosive diarrhea.

Most important: Do something, talk to her. Nothing worse than wondering about outcomes that could have been.
Would any of you ladies add anything to this?

“To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. “
Bernard M. Baruch (1870 - 1965), 1940

So I used to see all those commercials with musical collections. A bunch of great songs that someone has put together to try and sell to your sense of nostalgia. I used to dig them for the sake of being able to buy some classics, when I might not be able to track down the individual albums. Recently, I’ve had different problem.

What does it mean when they have an entire collection that you actually want and remember every song? I owned (and still do) some of the albums these songs came from. I was around when they came out. I recall which ones only had one hit (which is part of this collection). I remember how people were dressing. To take it further I remember what Hip-Hop I was listening to at the time. Is this another official sign that I am old? Add to it all the fact that I seriously consider buying it…how will I ever get all of those songs any other way? Do you know how much I’d spend on itunes? That is if they have all of them. The real thing indicator here is this:

These aren’t songs my mothers generation talked about or familiarized me with. Matter of fact my mothers generation didn’t give a damn about this music. Even alot of my friends didn’t listen to it. At that time of my life I had certain friends who could actually elaborate on current rock music…being as everyone knew “Under The Bridge” and “Welcome to the Jungle”. So the songs in this collection become specific to me. As a result…I feel old.

Ummm Sidenote: Does anyone know if Mark McGrath was ever considered a singer? I remember Sugar Ray. The band could play, the Dj mixed and scratched, but looking back it seems like his talent was looking into the camera…which meant he had more career options then the rest of the band on random E! programs. You really know his song career is over cause he is in a commercial selling a collection that includes a song he did. I see you too Brain McKnight.

I posted on Un-mute on monday…what? No love. Let me be lazy today and you go over there. Did I mention I’ve been sick? Pity me. Go there.

“This list is pretty funny but the title should be amended to ‘Stuff white, yuppie-type, self hating liberals like.”
Every Tenth Comment

I love this site, but if you read the comments section it appears that white people like to point out the specific group of white people that this site refers to (this will show up at least 10 times in every comment section - You know this blog should really be named stuffoverlyeducatedyuppieurbanliberalhipsterslike). They also like to say that the site can’t be written by a white person…it must be an angry asian. After they say the asian person is racist…other white people comment about what all the other races like and some make comments like “Jews aren’t white”. A bunch of white people like to get very offended and upset over something on the internet. A smaller percentage of white people understand humor and can read and move on.

“Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.”
Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)

I’m proud to write this under a new category. I can’t help but watch the news and the more I do, the more pissed off I am. So this is where I chronicle facts as I see them and everybody just has to deal with it. Punks.

1. The immigration issue is only about old white men fearful that they are losing the country they stole. Why is there only mention of Mexicans? I never hear anything about all the people from Europe that come into the country on Visas and let them expire. I see illegals from Mexico, but the immigrants I’ve known were from the islands or Africa and having to deal with citizenship issues or my Israeli friend who’s here illegal. No one complains about him. That said the title to Geraldo’s book on illegals is fricking hilarious….HISPANIC.

2. Obama has more experience as an elected official…he does. Look it up and deal with it. Until someone answers the question of Billary’s 35 years no one can harp on him being inexperienced.

3. Bush is a moron and everytime we listen to him speak we become a little dumber. If this was the Old Testament, not only would he be punished, but so would everyone who voted for him.

4. People outside of the Israel are not allowed to be mad when Palestinians do things to them. If you stick someone in my house against my wishes I may have some problems with it. Why the hell didn’t Germany have to give up some land for them anyway? Makes me think of coming home and dudes are sitting on my steps, then everyone but me is pissed when I say they gotta bounce.

5. Conservatives don’t know what the hell to do right now. They don’t like McCain (who will be the republican nominee), they hate Hillary and that leaves them with a black man with a muslim name. The suicide rate may go up this fall.

6. The troops opinion doesn’t count. That’s right. I don’t want the recorded opinion of people who are subject to court martial for speaking their mind. Maybe we can find another way to put them in an akward position hmm?

7. The whole election process is basically stupid. Even with candidates I don’t like I see when bullshit methods of discrediting them come up. If we were actually logical and honest Bush would have never been President. Maybe one day we’ll be smarter.

8. When the housing market sucks, people are defaulting on mortgages and you give people money to help stimulate the economy…Yes we are approaching a recession…stop bullshitting.

9. Dunkin Donuts can not replace Starbucks. You have your thing, stick with it. Besides you can’t have the whole “is it french, is it italian” thing going on and then when I go to your store…it’s clearly middle eastern.

10. For the locals….people want to turn Pigtown into Hampden part two. For real.

11. Conservatives and Republicans can’t talk about withdrawing from Iraq as cowardice when Russia is bitching us on the regular and no one says anything. Even if their stuff is old. Just cause you smack me with a glove like a french nobleman doesn’t mean you’re not still bitching me.

12. When straight people actually get married and stay together then they can say gay marriage threatens the institution…even if it still sounds stupid.

13. If it’s a big deal that Barack didn’t have his hand on his heart during the Pledge (even though it’s not true) then why weren’t people offended by Bush? He’s had his hand on his stomach. If we’re giving him a pass cause we think he’s a moron…then we need to be beaten with a bag of nickels. The leader of the “free world” has to know where his heart is.

14. If kids are going to kill parents, then parents can legally beat kids. Put the fear of God into them!

15. Jobs must stop acting like people are working for them because it’s the love of their life. 95% of people only work to finance the things they want to do away from work. Most of you would call out sick if you could.