“I would like to make a toast to lying, stealing, cheating and drinking. If you’re going to lie, lie for a friend. If you’re going to steal, steal a heart. If your going to cheat, cheat death. And if you’re going to drink, drink with me.”

“Let’s drink to California, way out by the sea, Where a woman’s ass, and a whiskey glass, made a horse’s ass of me”

Anonymous

If I don’t get a Sidecar soon I’m going to kirk out and beat a waitress to death with her serving tray. Twice in 4 days I’ve tried to get one and they both looked at me like was retarded. Look, I know you’re used to dumbasses ordering Fuzzy armpits or Sex in the Backseat or whatever stupid ass drink that Cindy and Todd have 5 of before they end up at an abortion clinic a few weeks later, but come the hell on. This shit has been around since World War 1. If you were at a high class establishment you would have to know how to make it…or at least know to take the order and then find out what it is. It’s a drink not a homemade bomb…I’m sure it’s not hard. Hell I could make one and I’ve never been to bartending school. Next thing you’ll be telling me you can’t make a Gin Martini…I’m sure if I asked for a Apple/Mango/Pinapple/Fruitsalad-tini you could bring me that shit. Additionally if I can tell you what’s in it and at what proportions why are you still looking at me like I just ordered grilled baby arms? This is the problem with being almost 30. Establishments fall all over themselves trying to get 18 - 25 people year old into their clubs and to buy their clothes. The only ads targeted to me are for cars (I’m going to kill the people that put the “black” car ads on BET - so what if I know where I come from I still don’t want a damn Ford!!!), home loans and phone service. Them cat’s don’t have the disposable income that I do!!!! Ya’ll better get your priorities straight. It was bad enough when I was young and asked for a shot of whatever and I’d get a plastic cup. It was bad enough when you wouldn’t have Guiness. It’s killing me that all these places have Sam Adams but only the plain lager. Now I can’t get a damn Sidecar. I swear that I will bring the Wrath of a medievel God down upon the head fo the next person who doesn’t act like they get tips for bringing drinks. Don’t ya’ll have one of those elementary school drink cards with pictures that show you how to make drinks.

Here you go everyone get your pen and paper ready:

Esquire Drink Book
1956
SIDECAR (1)
2/3 Brandy
1/3 Cointreau
Dash of lime juice
Shake with very fine ice; strain into frosty cocktail glass

SIDECAR (2)
(50 Million Frenchmen…)
1/3 lemon juice
1/3 Cointreau
1/3 cognac
Shake with cracked ice; strain

I’ll go with this one:

1 1/2 ounces Brandy (cognac)
1 ounce Cointreau
1/2 ounce lemon juice

I also had one that was an once vodka, an ounce Brandy, an ounce Cointreau and a dash of lemon juice.

“The Sidecar was developed during WWI, when a certain regular customer arrived at the Ritz on his motorcycle (replete with sidecar), and asked the bartender for a cocktail that would help take off the chill. The bartender was caught in a dilema, a drink to remove a chill would appropriately be brandy, but brandy was traditionally an after dinner drink, and his patron was wanting something before dinner. So he combined cognac, cointreau, and lemon juice to mix a cocktail whos focus was on the warming qualities of both the brandy, and the cointreau, while the lemon juice added enough of a tartness to make it appropriate as a pre-dinner cocktail. So a properly made sidecar should betray its roots as a drink that warms your palate if not your bones.”

The customer was an American Army Captain…can Cindy and Todd tell you who invented or first ordered the Flaming Dr. Pepper? An Incredible Hulk? A Sex on the Beach? A goddamned flying fruit fantasy-tini?!?!?!?! I think not. Either you guys get some class or I will climb behind the bar, make the drink myself and use my Zippo to burn the place to the ground.

WWWD:
“Goin’ feral don’t mean I’m goin’ stupid. It’s just that I’m beginnin’ to see other people in a different light… I’m beginnin’ to see some o’ them as prey.”
Wolverine