The Problem with Feminism
“One of the indictments of civilizations is that happiness and intelligence are so rarely found in the same person. “
William Feather (1908 - 1976)
Oh yes, I’m sure someone saw that title and is already writing an entire dissertation in my comment section. For the rest of you who actually read what follows thanks for using your internet hate machine for the love. Mind you my only beef with feminism is I hate all of the -isms and -ists. Environmentalists, Feminists, Africanists and so forth. I think when we get caught up on one issue or how anything relates to that one isse we collectively fail. Who really gives a shit about saving trees and whales when people don’t care enough to save each other…hell, plenty of people aren’t even trying to save themselves. So every person who runs around chanting and protesting in reference to one issue is losing. Everything is connected and if you aren’t trying to help everyone evolve then you’re just scooping buckets of water from a hell-bound boat.
To the topic at hand:
Feminisim is before it’s time and outdated. Yes that’s a paradox. Society may be ready for certain ideas…but it isn’t always ready for the of the fallout from those ideas. In some ways society moves forward, but certain things that have been with us for a centuries can’t be shaken off in a few decades. It doesn’t work like that. Additionally, people who call themselves feminists need to really examine all the sub-groups that fall under that title and what the general goal actually is…Equality. What comes with equality is not entirely welcome by many who have received it. In the framework of equality comes a lot of hardship and struggle. In addition it means taking on new problems that are more difficult to navigate due to simple unfamiliarity. One of the biggest things that comes to mind is marriage. Why would that be difficult? I’ll start from something very simple and work my way up. The average age of marriage differs by about 3 - 5 years between men and women. Women have always tended to marry younger then men. Traditionally at a certain age, unmarried women were looked at as heading towards old maidship (I don’t care if it’s not a word). Lately, I’ve seen a lot of women freaking out about their prospects for marriage (especially black women). The reasons for such a dim perspective aren’t hard to grasp for me anyway. It’s partially old thinking in a new world combined with new thinking in an old system. Consider that at one time the average age for a woman to be married was 24. The average ages for men to be married are normally 3 -4 years older then women. So if now instead of a woman just looking for a suitable husband, she goes to college, graduate school and starts a career, it’s kind of easy to imagine the average age of marriage increasing. The issue here is a lot of women aren’t thinking along these lines. I hear a lot of women who aren’t even 24 discussing their bleak outlook for marriage. In addition to this…the average woman is looking for a man of equal or higher education and income to settle down with. So this also pushes the average age for men up. The real problem here is one thing changed a lot faster then the other and people weren’t ready for it. Ramifications. Not to mention that the whole country shifted from manufacturing so now more people need to go to school in order to earn a decent wage.
I start thinking of it like the immigration issue. People are complaining about Mexicans taking jobs and so forth, but has anyone really considered what would happen if we could deport those here and prevent any others from coming it? What would really happen with a lot of the jobs that they have? I’d imagine alot wouldn’t be filled, food prices would go up and other things would happen I’m not even considering. Same thing with PETA, what would happen if people did all of the things they wanted? What business would be affected, would a nation of vegans be overrun with wild cattle?
Really, I think my main issue is the same one I have with feminist lobbyists over certain issues…like the military. Lobbyists may push for a certain change…but they aren’t in alignment with women who are actually in the military. I’m already wary of of people who lobby in general. Like the NRA…they seem to lobby against anything that they percieve as any change (that they haven’t pushed for) in gun laws. Like here they don’t want the city to make it mandatory that you report a stolen gun within 48 hours. Hard for me to understand.
Anyway I think these ramifications are things society in general is feeling, but hasn’t really acknowledged all of the causes. Something that was the social norm for a long time has changed in a much shorter period and there are severe growing pains that go along with it. The real issue is that it has been made a singular issue. Nothing exists in a void in this world. It’s important to consider that everything will affect something else. Scientists learn this when their discoveries are applied in violent ways that they hadn’t intended. What also intrigues me is that the place in which we now stand is actually more favorable to radical feminists. Those who would be willing to do away with men can find more traction in current environment to live close to their vision unlike those who simply want equality and don’t view men as an adversary or threat. The problem with feminism is that it has moved very fast and, not even mentioning men, women as a whole haven’t had time to adjust. What would those mothers of decades ago who dreamed that their daughters would be able to pursue a career that was out of their own reach say now to young women who have fulfilled an education and career, but question how and if they will be able to pursue the creation of a family?
Just wondering.
Couldn’t have put it better myself.
Comment by Varneer — August 20, 2008 @ 3:51 pm
one time a teacher told us that men tend to marry women slightly less brainy than themselves
the brainiest women, and the least brainy men are at a disadvantage supposedly
anyway, I just want equal pay for equal work
Comment by GC — August 21, 2008 @ 3:26 pm
“The issue here is a lot of women aren’t thinking along these lines. I hear a lot of women who aren’t even 24 discussing their bleak outlook for marriage….It’s partially old thinking in a new world combined with new thinking in an old system.”
I think this is very true. Particularly, I think the new way of thinking about women does not consider our place in society as mothers.
Women are practically encouraged to have premarital sex, but our birth control options have not caught up with such a lifestyle choice. By that, I mean birth control is infallible and everybody secretly feels uneasy about abortion–it is taboo. The availability of abortion as a “family planning option” devalues children in such a way that single women who have children (the natural consequence of a sex life) are put at a serious disadvantage in society. This is especially so since the concept of women “choosing” when to be mothers has also made way for the prospect of men too “choosing” when to be fathers. This issue is especially relevant to the Black community.
Closer to your point, I feel like you were talking about me in the above quote. I am very much a traditionalist. I want to have a bunch of children and spend the majority of my waking hours dedicated to raising them. I will have bypassed my most fertile age in less than a year, and I am not even in a serious relationship.
To me, women should clearly be able to choose to be educated and be career women. However, a life that revolves around my career is not now, nor has it ever been, my personal goal. Unfortunately, society dictates that my natural, God-given longing for a husband and children is, at twenty-three, abnormal.
I wish more feminist theory retained the traditional notion of men and women as complements. We can’t do everything that men can do, and they certainly can’t do everything we can. No matter what men do, it is neither natural nor the alternative of practical for women to wait until they are in their mid-thirties to get married and late thirties to have children.
I say all that to say: when women have real choices in society, when motherhood is truly valued as much as professional and political power, then men and women will truly be social equals. Til then, we are kidding ourselves and society suffers.
Comment by Jen — August 22, 2008 @ 9:24 pm
Jen, hands down you said it best.
I really don’t think society truly values the house-wife like they do her new counterpart Ms. Independent Businesswomen.
Comment by Vee — August 23, 2008 @ 4:24 am
What are you talking about?
This whole essay was a hop-skip-jump through a myriad of convoluted, self-aggrandizing, confused, myopic nonsense. There, I’ve said it. And it’s ironic as hell that you only managed to actually address your “problem” with feminism once.
“The problem with feminism is that it has moved very fast and, not even mentioning men, women as a whole haven’t had time to adjust”
Really? What does that even mean? What is that based on? How is that even remotely relevant? What aging flower-child’s asshole did you pull that assertion from?
I’m sure that you intended this to be somewhat “eloquent” and “arresting”, an inspired romp laden with insight and intellectual high adventure. Instead, you grope toward imagined elegance with half-baked meanderings, investing base intellectual musings with “evidence” from investigations that extend no further than your personal experience or, worse still, your best guess.
“Adjustment is the enemy of righteous revolution.”
“Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings.”
That about sums it up.
Women are not behind nor were they caught unawares by the idea of feminism. It is not newfangled. It is not revolutionary. It is a simple truth. The struggle is acknowledging it as such.
Systems and traditions be damned, we are in no wise hindered from embracing this idea. To suggest, even tangentially, that women themselves are a part of the problem via marriage and other implied social obligations is just goddamn irresponsible.
I’ve read this tripe three times through and, still, I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. Maybe that makes ME the ignorant one.
Or, maybe, you need to do a bit of homework.
**Your blog is awesome. I look forward to reading more of your work.**
Comment by Drew — August 23, 2008 @ 5:08 pm
tough subject to deal with. always gets someone’s ire. I feel the whole equality but dont want all that comes with equality thesis can be summed up for women in that whole search for a man with the higher education and income thing.
but just on that part specifically (as you mentioned at the start) you really cant look at this topic individually cause what about the prospective of the men looking for partners?
Comment by jdid — August 25, 2008 @ 3:45 pm