“Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.”
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil’s Dictionary

So I was watching clips of Bush addressing the Nation and I really realized something. The country deserves him. The more time I spend on the internet reading people’s comments and just listening to folks…this country probably deserves a moron in charge. They deserve someone who they’d drink beers with to make decisions that will have an effect on the lives of them and their children. As I listened to him he reminded me of all the strongly opinionated people with very few facts who try to make themselves sound more intelligent then they are. At the same time, as he stammered, “the market is interconnected”…I could see a legion of people at home going, “ohhhhh”. I’m no economist…but frankly when I hear Bush speak on the subject I start to feel like a genius. I realize what the American public truly wants is not to feel challenged. We are a nation of star quarterbacks who didn’t go to college. Prom queens who’ve gained weight and married someone who’s a loser. We’re a nation that hates Bill Gates success because he represents every geek and nerd that was looked down upon as a teenager and excluded and is now living the life we feel should be ours. While he was actually working we were screwing around and enjoying the fruits of fortune. Now we’re playing catch up. We work crappy ass jobs and the popularity of High School no longer applies. We’re not as in shape anymore. We were never very clever and since we were popular we didn’t have to have a personality. So now we are confronted with a President who is “folksy” (read: stupid and a poor speaker), a guy who shoots from the hip…he’s like the vengence on behalf of all of us. Well…maybe not us. I am really a Barack type of guy…I’ve never been homeless but I did watch my family work hard to provide. I didn’t fit…even amongst a bunch of kids of the same race. I’ve fought and worked hard to get where I am, but I understand that I’m still a subject of criticisim and hatred just because of other peoples preconceptions. Even more important…I’m at the point where I really don’t care. What does annoy me…is that a moron like Bush can be the peoples champion…and they deserve it…but it’s those same people that hate me for nothing and hinder the progress of the rest of us. So, Bush completes America and they deserve him and the nerds still have to suffer…along with the geeks and the people who don’t make up the majority. Whoa unto us all.

Dear United States Postal Service,

You sorry sods…you fuck twats. I am writing to let you know just how much I actuallydespise you. I am truly unsure was to why you allow people to track packages over the internet if you don’t update the information properly. I also wonder how serious you would take it if I beat one of your carriers to a pulp. Perhaps it’s no coincidence that the same package I couldn’t track was the one that was returned to the branch office? Perhaps it was also a coincidence that although your website said there was a notice left there was none. Which I find particularly hilarious since I get my things mailed to my grandmothers house and she’s always home. Adding to this is the fact that I also had another package delivered there the very same day you said no one was there. Hmmmm. What’s wrong with this picture. So I came in and picked up my package and you gave me one for my mother. This is great…when I stopped by to drop it off your wonderful carrier had left my Old Navy package sitting on the front steps. Here’s the best part…my grandmother…was in the house. So no one even bothered to ring they bell when leaving the package on the steps. Not even a ring and walk away. Just leave my shit on the steps. I would love to pummel you all about the head and shoulders. I’d considered sending you a letter to express my extreme hatred for you…but you probably wouldn’t get it. Please die.

With Hatred,

“I don’t have to be topical if I don’t feel like it.”
Amadeo

Politics

So Anonymous hacked one of Sarah Palin’s email accounts. There was a story out about the fact that she had a few and had been using personal ones to conduct work related correspondance. Which is illegal since she’s a Governer. Well one of them accounts was put out there and Anonymous hacked it and sent screen shots to wikileak. Seems like she did have some work realted things going on. This and another account were closed down afterwards, the other account was targeted by an activist under the Freedom of Information act. It could all come out to nothing, however since shes under invesitgation it could be considered destroying evidence.

Fun and Games

I bought The Force Unleashed the other day. It’s a comforting thought that I can have a long hard day and end it by throwing stormtroopers through the air with my (digital) mind. Or that I can levitate them and then charge them with lightening from my (digital) finger tips. Having the force would be valuable in my line of work…no need to escort someone out, just use my mind to lift them up and sit them outside.

Shenanigans

Why in the Bloody Blue Blazes is a phone for a Sprint account going to be cheaper at Best Buy then at Sprint? Especially if the price at both places depends on the same 22 month status? Get it together Sprint. I’m trying to make up my mind if I want to leave you or not. You pissed me off when I found out a new customer could get two phones for $50 when my 22 month discount would give me one of those for $125. Yeah new customers get better deals everywhere…but this is getting out of hand. Best Buy may have saved your ass this time…maybe. If I roll with the Blackberry you might be safe, but the iPhone is making me curious.

Telly

So Dr. Phil had an episode about the N-word and I’m not sure who’s idea it was but they had Paul Mooney on as an expert. Maybe Dr. Phil wanted to challenge his audience, but they sounded just like something from one of Mooney’s acts. Oh god, hilarity did ensue.

“You over-officious jerk!”
Marv Levy

No Fun League

So Chad can’t wear his new name on his jersey until he buys the 100k that Reebok already had made up before the season started. Bogus. It’s like the NFL got together with Reebok just to do something spiteful. I’m sure the better business move for Reebok would be to donate the Johnsons and write them off. P.R. and a tax write off? C’mon! The NFL hates this Ocho Cinco thing…well here’s something I don’t hear anyone mention in this whole debate. A while back the NFL Network had a commercial it ends with a shot of Chad Johnson in a dentists chair flashing his golds, in the background you can hear a chorus of voices chant “Ocho Cinco”. This was before it even caught on…NFL..if he has problems you were an enabler. Don’t try to take a back door route to get at him out of spite. What next will you fine him for not obeying the rules cause guess what?!?! It’s a rule that every player must have his legal last name on the back of his jersey! Whoops! Get over it NFL…he’s getting more attention which means you get more.

Pharrell = Bootleg Jamiroquai
It’s true. I bought a greatest hits of Jamiroquai the other day and songs I didn’t know had me thinking “why does this remind me of something else?”. Then I heard “Feel’s Just Like it Should”. Maybe it was in a commercial or something, but when I’d heard it before in passing I thought it was Pharrell. That sealed it. I will accept no dispute on this issue. Deal with it.

Semi-Crazy People Suck

So there’s this dude that sits outside of Starbucks in the morning. Actually he sits there, get’s up and walks away, sits around the corner, comes back, goes in and gets a free cup of water, sits for a while, walks away…wash, rinse, repeat.

For a while dude is cool. Every now and then (normally when a person walks close by) he bursts into laughter. He doesn’t do this with me just random passers by. I’m calling him and his ilk out. Semi-crazy don’t cut it no more. You are together enough to at least look clean, not smell, and know that you can get free water from Starbucks. So either go all the way crazy or just drop the rest. Like the lady that used to talk to herself and say random shit to me and others…outside of Starbucks (there’s a theme here huh?). She had the bag lady thing going…she did the crazy talk…but she wasn’t crazy when she would go to McDonalds and buy herself breakfast. I like my crazy people crazy…I mean “Will-I-have-to-hit-this-person” crazy. Like the dude that picked up the horseshit to dump and flush in Starbucks toilet. Just so you know…this Starbucks is the reason I now keep my digital camera with me at all times. But for real…either go all the way or stop the semi-crazy.

“Not for myself I make this prayer
But for this race of mine
That stretches forth from shadowed places
Dark hands for bread and wine”

Countee Cullen

So I went to the Governors Grants Conference on Monday. First I have to say…can we all stop with the themes? Jerry Macquire was a few years back so making the them “Show Me The Money”, while appropriate just kinda grates on my nerves. What’s worse is that was a pretty mild one compared to some that I’ve been to.

Anyway so inbetween writing down websites, figuring out who I can target for funding and going outside to smoke cloves, I actually did get some good information to share with all of you.

You can’t work in my field without keeping an eye on politics. Regime changes and new policies have an impact on where we will get money from and if we will be able to…not to mention how much money will actually be around. In addition to people from the state government we had a lot of people from the federal government.

First thing you would be interested to know:

Marcia Howard is the Director of Federal Fund Information for States…if you want to know what federal money goes to what state and how much you should call her…reporters I’m talking to you as well. Anyway she let us know that Sarah Palin (despite the record profits I keep hearing about from oil) has gotten more money for Alaska in recent years then any other state as received…save for two states in one year…Mississippi and Louisiana…I’ll let you figure out which year that was.

During lunch the Keynote speech was given by Ray Scheppach, Executive Director of the National Governors Association. He was a kind enough gent, but we all wondered if he sat at home staring at a picture of his family while holding a gun in one hand and a bottle of pills in the other. Dude basically has been interacting with every Governer in the country for the last 20 years. He spoke about what we could expect on state levels depending on who was elected President. I’ll spare you the details and just say you have a choice…bad or worse. The issue is that states aren’t going to feel what’s happening now until after the election. He basically said that going by the policies they have outlined things would be bad for us under Barack Obama…and even worse under McCain. We can’t avoid what’s coming and even with fairly responsible approach we’ll still feel the pinch.

Having said that I came up with an idea that, the longer I think about it, could potentially set my career…until I can get it moving I ask you all to send donations…not to me…but to my girl. That way she can be my sugar mama and I can catch Pardon the Interruption in the Afternoon. Thank you for your support.

“What makes community organizing especially attractive is the faith it places in the ability of the poor to make decisions for themselves.”
Paul Wellstone

Dear Mrs. Palin…Fuck You….

Community organizing is a process by which people are brought together to act in common self-interest and compel others to join them. While organizing describes any activity involving people interacting with one another in a formal manner, much community organizing is in the pursuit of a common agenda. Many groups seek populist goals and the ideal of participatory democracy.

Here are some community organizers you may be familiar with:

Martin Luther King Jr.
William Wallace
Paul Revere, John Adams, John Hancock and the Sons of Liberty
The Goddamn FOUNDING FATHERS OF THIS COUNTRY
The Newsboys of 1899

Shut your dumb ass up. Community Organizer do that work that people like you and McCain come and take pictures in front of for publicity. Community organizers thwarted you as mayor when you tried to fire that Librarian. I pray you get eaten by a polar bear…that is all.

“Meh…”
- Amadeo

I don’t want to be here. The thing about a three day weekend is it lulls you into a false sense of security. You get used to chilling. Sunday night you stay up later. Monday morning you screw around only to realize at about 3pm…I still have to work tomorrow. That’s ok. I have 48 hours of vacation time until the new year. So that’s my revenge…ha, ha…have at thee working week.

I have urges to yell dramatic things at inappropriate times. For instance when I beat someone into the bathroom at work, once in a while…I’d like to yell, “From hell’s heart I stab at thee!!!”

I really want to push people over as well. Why the hell are people who wouldn’t fight me so rude? I mean if you can kick my ass then go ahead be rude…but suburban housewives should take up the whole sidewalk and act mad when you don’t step into the street to let them pass. I did figure out a way to deal with this in the mall. It work best if you buy some shoes. Walk through and when people don’t want to give up some space for you to walk past…go ahead and let them by…but as they pass flick your wrist and hit them in the shin with your bag. Try to make sure they catch the corner of the shoe box. That’ll learn ya.

I copped a new pair of Clarks this weekend. I’m not big on name brands or flaunting them…but I swear if I ever had to endorse something it would be Clarks. What’s funny is I bought my first pair right as the Wallabee phase was going out. I never bought Wallabees. The endorsement that really made me stick with them was my grandmother. Anytime she recognizes a shoe brand and considers them good, I gotta roll with it.

Football season is upon us. My fantasy team is set…today I make selections in the pickem league. All I need now is…beer…lots of beer.

I’m pissed because Citypaper has something screwy going on and I can’t get to Political Animal. arguing with rightwingers may not make the world turn…but it let’s me show off in a forum since Bill O’Reilly isn’t trying to have me on his show…he’d probably cut my mic if I tried to make too much sense. Why does no one take a sign that says “Poor Loser”? Then, if he cuts your mic you can still have one last say.

So I rode a water taxi on Monday…outside of white water rafting (during a drought so it was really more like floating down a shallow river) it was my first time on an actual boat. How I lived by the Harbor my entire life and never got on a boat is beyond me. It’s like living on an island and never going to the beach.

I finished reading The Incredible Shrinking Man. Matheson is the shit. I already read I Am Legend and kinda wished they had made the movie more like the book. I also didn’t realize he wrote he story that became the Twilight Zone joint Terror at 20,000 feet. For someone who really only has short stories dude has some great stuff.

I am the fricking scrabble master. I’ve been playing on facebook, but I almost bought the board version. I did purchase Mancala, which is a simple but great game. Plus it helps that it makes me feel artsy when I play it.

I’m really hating the fact that last week the weather was right up my alley and the first week of the month in which fall begins the temperature shoots up to 90. Mother nature…what the hell? I don’t need this m’kay. I’m trying to rock some sport coats soon. I got that silk chumpee that’s dying to get worn.

Clothing stores suck. I’m trying not to hold this against the ladies out there, but why the hell do men get 1/8 of an entire store dedicated to them. Then that 1/8 is like the same crap everywhere. Am I going to have to go to the Men’s Warehouse or something. Jesus Jumped up Palomino. Maybe I should get someone to call “What Not to Wear” (My girl watches it…so what) and wear frumpy outfits so they can spend 5k on a wardrobe for me.