Dear United States Postal Service,

You sorry sods…you fuck twats. I am writing to let you know just how much I actuallydespise you. I am truly unsure was to why you allow people to track packages over the internet if you don’t update the information properly. I also wonder how serious you would take it if I beat one of your carriers to a pulp. Perhaps it’s no coincidence that the same package I couldn’t track was the one that was returned to the branch office? Perhaps it was also a coincidence that although your website said there was a notice left there was none. Which I find particularly hilarious since I get my things mailed to my grandmothers house and she’s always home. Adding to this is the fact that I also had another package delivered there the very same day you said no one was there. Hmmmm. What’s wrong with this picture. So I came in and picked up my package and you gave me one for my mother. This is great…when I stopped by to drop it off your wonderful carrier had left my Old Navy package sitting on the front steps. Here’s the best part…my grandmother…was in the house. So no one even bothered to ring they bell when leaving the package on the steps. Not even a ring and walk away. Just leave my shit on the steps. I would love to pummel you all about the head and shoulders. I’d considered sending you a letter to express my extreme hatred for you…but you probably wouldn’t get it. Please die.

With Hatred,