“My Eyes!!!!!!”
- A man who has seen the unseeable.

So as a Ravens fans there are a few things I’d like to share with my co-horts and some football fans in general.

1) Team color camoflauge is not cool.

Purple, white and grey? Where the hell is that effective? I know you want to represent for the team and all, but c’mon. The only thing this is good for is the person selling it to you. It looks horrible.

2) Where the hell did the Mardi Gras beads come from?

I can get with it if chicks flash boobs for them.

3) We are spoiled.

The Cardinals haven’t even been to the playoffs in God knows how long, meanwhile we get the Ravens in 1996 and in 2000 we’re the champions. Our first two draft picks are Hall of Famers. The first two! We’ve had so many pro-bowl picks and possibly even more potential Hall of Famers on our roster. So now what? We bash Ozzie Newsome and exclaim that he’s horrible at choosing talent in the draft. Really? Heap sucks? Ray has lost a step? Calm the hell down Baltimore. There are fans in other cities that have NEVER had a Superbowl title. They’re like orphans on the side of the road. “Please sir can I have a playoff berth?” Let’s act like we actually like our team. I mean really…be glad we aren’t Buffalo or Philly.

4) Ease back on the internet.

Armchair QB’s are nothing new…the problem is that now it isn’t just the guy at the bar or the guy at your job. There are a million internet GMs and QBs and Owners all over the place. They all have a plan. They are all totally right…after the fact. STOP. Watch the game. Stay off the internet. When you learn how to talk about football for real you can come back.

5) People get beat all the time.

It is not the end of the world cause your team loses. Perk up. This goes double for you people I call Sado-Masofans. The ones that sit around talking about how the team is going to get beat and they suck and blah, blah, blah….shut up. We don’t like you.

6) Citing injuries, bad calls and penalties is viable.

I’m not just saying this because the Ravens have 16 guys on IR, the most in the league, but they do. Yes this is viable. Every heard the expression “…like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest”? It’s was invented for a reason. Injuries make teams work harder. Bad calls and penalties suck all around. Even when they work in my teams favor I have to admit them. They hurt us all in the end…ask someone who bet the spread on the Steelers game.

7) Everybody has that guy.

You know…the guy people who follow other teams don’t know about…but since you watch your team you know they play good. He’s not magic…every one has one of them. Your guy is not that special. Get over it/him. Stop telling us about him.

8) Patriots fans suck.

Why, cause they’re probably Red Sox fans too. I used to like them when they were losing and I even hoped they would get a taste of some victory…but now it’s just gone to your head….when Brady got hurt I laughed…not at him, but at you. I could imagine you sitting there, not even trying to hold back your crocodile tears, afraid that you wouldn’t get yet another title. Get over it…your teams used to lose all the time. Be content for a while…m’kay?