Dear USPS,

I have given you a new name. The United States Penis Service. I feel this is appropriate because you seem to have a nature of fucking me. May I present exhibit A:

Now lookit….my man Dallas sends out some cool shit. Not some overly expensive items. Not some rare item I’ll never find again. He just sends out some cool shit. I can understand you needing to take it from me. What I don’t understand is why in the flaming fuck you would feel the need to still send me the empty envelope!?!?!?!?! You not only fucked me, but you sent me the proof that you fucked me. You didn’t even send it an one of those “this item has been damaged” joints. No. You just sent the envelope on as if nothing had ever happened and everything was ok. You fuckwits. If was to show up and rain blows down upon your staff I would be wrong wouldn’t I? Why it gotta be like this? Don’t make me seek my revenge. Let this happen again. Let me miss out on some potentially cool shit again. I will cause trouble. I will call everybody. I will forward pictures. I’ll take sick days and spend them bitching to everyone I can. I’m too pissed to even continue discussing this. Fuckers.

With Malice,

Amadeo

WWWD:

“You’re the one who oughtta be shakin’ ‘cause I’m about to carve you up into sushi.”
- Wolverine