Dear Positive Action Person
Die. I know you feel great. You’re really doing something positive and you want to let everyone know. You’re so bothered that I’m not going to sign your petition or whatever the hell it was. I’ll ask you to refrain from trying to lecture me about global poverty and making snide remarks about me “taking a vacation from saving the environment today”. Ahem: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE HELL I DO FOR A LIVING?!?!?!?! I’ll tell you what you stick a pledge sheet for my organization on your clipboard or get some employers to say they’ll hire some of my clients and I’ll sign your crap. I saw more of you guys standing around than we can even afford to employ. I am Mr. Human Services all week long and I don’t want to use part of the first vacation I’ve had since November to dick around with you. Come back and talk to me when you’ve been doing that shit for almost a decade and then try and lecture me. Not to mention you have no idea who I am. I might be developing a sustainable form of energy for use in third world countries. I might be building a house out of recycled materials that I pull out of the gutter. Really all that’s not important. I said I’m not interested so just let that stand. In my mind you’re no different from the guy that was trying to sell me Nestle Crunch when I got back home. Both of you pushed it too far and made me want to put you in the camel clutch. Leave me the hell alone. Especially since there are like 50 of you guys standing in a 10 block radius I don’t want to hear anymore of your talking points. You have two choices: 1) Die away from me. 2) Concentrate on summoning Captain Planet. By the way…you should find a new means anyway….how in the digital age are you gonna save the environment while all of you are out using paper? Way to go…you could have saved some trees by putting this online. Oh, and global poverty guy. I’m fucking poor and I work with people who make less than me. Cry me a damned river. I’ll let you wipe your eyes on my overdue student loan notices…there’s plenty of them. In short when you see me and I say:
No thanks.
I’m good.
No, but good luck.
Enjoy that along with a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.
Sincerely,
i ignore all petitioners. if i wanted to sign up or give you money i’d find you. do i look like i have disposable income oozing out my pores? no, then leave me alone.
plus giving to these groups about 5% actually goes to the cause and the rest to overhead. I’d rather give to the dude on the street begging for change in his cup.
Comment by jdid — June 16, 2009 @ 1:24 pm
Someone tried to get in my face at Grand Central the other day. I’ve learned to play dumb and keep walking.
Comment by kofi — June 18, 2009 @ 2:36 am
I feel your pain.
Comment by Empath — June 18, 2009 @ 12:41 pm
I get it. I really do. What happens to all these petitions anyway?
Comment by Will — June 26, 2009 @ 12:29 pm
ah, i forgot what i was missing all this time! good to be back. glad i still got u on mz smaragd eye blogspot link thing. so yeah, i totally hear you on that one! i ve been working for world vision for a summer once, doing exactly that, asking people if they wanted a godchild somewhere in asia, south america or africa, you get the drift…i know how tough a job it is, but oh my, it s like when i am at a restaurant and get bad service - i have no tolerance for that, goddamit, i have worked as a waitress myself for too long! same things for mr. and ms. nice positiv people, i know how much it sucks to be them, so i smile at them and say, no no no, just so you don t have to come up and do the whole thing of introduction, but some of them REALLLLLLY DONT GET IT! it s crazy.
Comment by piranha — June 30, 2009 @ 9:38 pm
I’m glad you’re not blowing this out of proportion or anything.
Comment by Catherinette Singleton — July 14, 2009 @ 12:59 pm
Sham WOW this post was brill. Many of these tricks are nothing more than bored, sheltered, well off college students who couldn’t find a real job for the summer so figured they’d harangue brow beat folks into donating to their causes.
My favorites are the ones pushing political candidates and their party on folks… then DEMANDING to know if you’re registered to vote and if so, WHAT YOUR POLITICAL AFFILIATION is… I’m like bish please. Awesome post!
Comment by Coffey — July 16, 2009 @ 2:46 pm