Eye on the impossible, grips on the intangible. Happily pissing into the wind and teaching your children to do things that make me laugh for over a quarter century.
“Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.” Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil’s Dictionary
So I was watching clips of Bush addressing the Nation and I really realized something. The country deserves him. The more time I spend on the internet reading people’s comments and just listening to folks…this country probably deserves a moron in charge. They deserve someone who they’d drink beers with to make decisions that will have an effect on the lives of them and their children. As I listened to him he reminded me of all the strongly opinionated people with very few facts who try to make themselves sound more intelligent then they are. At the same time, as he stammered, “the market is interconnected”…I could see a legion of people at home going, “ohhhhh”. I’m no economist…but frankly when I hear Bush speak on the subject I start to feel like a genius. I realize what the American public truly wants is not to feel challenged. We are a nation of star quarterbacks who didn’t go to college. Prom queens who’ve gained weight and married someone who’s a loser. We’re a nation that hates Bill Gates success because he represents every geek and nerd that was looked down upon as a teenager and excluded and is now living the life we feel should be ours. While he was actually working we were screwing around and enjoying the fruits of fortune. Now we’re playing catch up. We work crappy ass jobs and the popularity of High School no longer applies. We’re not as in shape anymore. We were never very clever and since we were popular we didn’t have to have a personality. So now we are confronted with a President who is “folksy” (read: stupid and a poor speaker), a guy who shoots from the hip…he’s like the vengence on behalf of all of us. Well…maybe not us. I am really a Barack type of guy…I’ve never been homeless but I did watch my family work hard to provide. I didn’t fit…even amongst a bunch of kids of the same race. I’ve fought and worked hard to get where I am, but I understand that I’m still a subject of criticisim and hatred just because of other peoples preconceptions. Even more important…I’m at the point where I really don’t care. What does annoy me…is that a moron like Bush can be the peoples champion…and they deserve it…but it’s those same people that hate me for nothing and hinder the progress of the rest of us. So, Bush completes America and they deserve him and the nerds still have to suffer…along with the geeks and the people who don’t make up the majority. Whoa unto us all.
You sorry sods…you fuck twats. I am writing to let you know just how much I actuallydespise you. I am truly unsure was to why you allow people to track packages over the internet if you don’t update the information properly. I also wonder how serious you would take it if I beat one of your carriers to a pulp. Perhaps it’s no coincidence that the same package I couldn’t track was the one that was returned to the branch office? Perhaps it was also a coincidence that although your website said there was a notice left there was none. Which I find particularly hilarious since I get my things mailed to my grandmothers house and she’s always home. Adding to this is the fact that I also had another package delivered there the very same day you said no one was there. Hmmmm. What’s wrong with this picture. So I came in and picked up my package and you gave me one for my mother. This is great…when I stopped by to drop it off your wonderful carrier had left my Old Navy package sitting on the front steps. Here’s the best part…my grandmother…was in the house. So no one even bothered to ring they bell when leaving the package on the steps. Not even a ring and walk away. Just leave my shit on the steps. I would love to pummel you all about the head and shoulders. I’d considered sending you a letter to express my extreme hatred for you…but you probably wouldn’t get it. Please die.
“I don’t have to be topical if I don’t feel like it.” Amadeo
Politics
So Anonymous hacked one of Sarah Palin’s email accounts. There was a story out about the fact that she had a few and had been using personal ones to conduct work related correspondance. Which is illegal since she’s a Governer. Well one of them accounts was put out there and Anonymous hacked it and sent screen shots to wikileak. Seems like she did have some work realted things going on. This and another account were closed down afterwards, the other account was targeted by an activist under the Freedom of Information act. It could all come out to nothing, however since shes under invesitgation it could be considered destroying evidence.
Fun and Games
I bought The Force Unleashed the other day. It’s a comforting thought that I can have a long hard day and end it by throwing stormtroopers through the air with my (digital) mind. Or that I can levitate them and then charge them with lightening from my (digital) finger tips. Having the force would be valuable in my line of work…no need to escort someone out, just use my mind to lift them up and sit them outside.
Shenanigans
Why in the Bloody Blue Blazes is a phone for a Sprint account going to be cheaper at Best Buy then at Sprint? Especially if the price at both places depends on the same 22 month status? Get it together Sprint. I’m trying to make up my mind if I want to leave you or not. You pissed me off when I found out a new customer could get two phones for $50 when my 22 month discount would give me one of those for $125. Yeah new customers get better deals everywhere…but this is getting out of hand. Best Buy may have saved your ass this time…maybe. If I roll with the Blackberry you might be safe, but the iPhone is making me curious.
Telly
So Dr. Phil had an episode about the N-word and I’m not sure who’s idea it was but they had Paul Mooney on as an expert. Maybe Dr. Phil wanted to challenge his audience, but they sounded just like something from one of Mooney’s acts. Oh god, hilarity did ensue.
“What makes community organizing especially attractive is the faith it places in the ability of the poor to make decisions for themselves.” Paul Wellstone
Dear Mrs. Palin…Fuck You….
Community organizing is a process by which people are brought together to act in common self-interest and compel others to join them. While organizing describes any activity involving people interacting with one another in a formal manner, much community organizing is in the pursuit of a common agenda. Many groups seek populist goals and the ideal of participatory democracy.
Here are some community organizers you may be familiar with:
Martin Luther King Jr.
William Wallace
Paul Revere, John Adams, John Hancock and the Sons of Liberty
The Goddamn FOUNDING FATHERS OF THIS COUNTRY
The Newsboys of 1899
Shut your dumb ass up. Community Organizer do that work that people like you and McCain come and take pictures in front of for publicity. Community organizers thwarted you as mayor when you tried to fire that Librarian. I pray you get eaten by a polar bear…that is all.
I don’t want to be here. The thing about a three day weekend is it lulls you into a false sense of security. You get used to chilling. Sunday night you stay up later. Monday morning you screw around only to realize at about 3pm…I still have to work tomorrow. That’s ok. I have 48 hours of vacation time until the new year. So that’s my revenge…ha, ha…have at thee working week.
I have urges to yell dramatic things at inappropriate times. For instance when I beat someone into the bathroom at work, once in a while…I’d like to yell, “From hell’s heart I stab at thee!!!”
I really want to push people over as well. Why the hell are people who wouldn’t fight me so rude? I mean if you can kick my ass then go ahead be rude…but suburban housewives should take up the whole sidewalk and act mad when you don’t step into the street to let them pass. I did figure out a way to deal with this in the mall. It work best if you buy some shoes. Walk through and when people don’t want to give up some space for you to walk past…go ahead and let them by…but as they pass flick your wrist and hit them in the shin with your bag. Try to make sure they catch the corner of the shoe box. That’ll learn ya.
I copped a new pair of Clarks this weekend. I’m not big on name brands or flaunting them…but I swear if I ever had to endorse something it would be Clarks. What’s funny is I bought my first pair right as the Wallabee phase was going out. I never bought Wallabees. The endorsement that really made me stick with them was my grandmother. Anytime she recognizes a shoe brand and considers them good, I gotta roll with it.
Football season is upon us. My fantasy team is set…today I make selections in the pickem league. All I need now is…beer…lots of beer.
I’m pissed because Citypaper has something screwy going on and I can’t get to Political Animal. arguing with rightwingers may not make the world turn…but it let’s me show off in a forum since Bill O’Reilly isn’t trying to have me on his show…he’d probably cut my mic if I tried to make too much sense. Why does no one take a sign that says “Poor Loser”? Then, if he cuts your mic you can still have one last say.
So I rode a water taxi on Monday…outside of white water rafting (during a drought so it was really more like floating down a shallow river) it was my first time on an actual boat. How I lived by the Harbor my entire life and never got on a boat is beyond me. It’s like living on an island and never going to the beach.
I finished reading The Incredible Shrinking Man. Matheson is the shit. I already read I Am Legend and kinda wished they had made the movie more like the book. I also didn’t realize he wrote he story that became the Twilight Zone joint Terror at 20,000 feet. For someone who really only has short stories dude has some great stuff.
I am the fricking scrabble master. I’ve been playing on facebook, but I almost bought the board version. I did purchase Mancala, which is a simple but great game. Plus it helps that it makes me feel artsy when I play it.
I’m really hating the fact that last week the weather was right up my alley and the first week of the month in which fall begins the temperature shoots up to 90. Mother nature…what the hell? I don’t need this m’kay. I’m trying to rock some sport coats soon. I got that silk chumpee that’s dying to get worn.
Clothing stores suck. I’m trying not to hold this against the ladies out there, but why the hell do men get 1/8 of an entire store dedicated to them. Then that 1/8 is like the same crap everywhere. Am I going to have to go to the Men’s Warehouse or something. Jesus Jumped up Palomino. Maybe I should get someone to call “What Not to Wear” (My girl watches it…so what) and wear frumpy outfits so they can spend 5k on a wardrobe for me.
“Everybody need a pre-nup. People think you gotta be rich to get a pre-nup. You got twenty million and your wife wants ten, big deal, you ain’t starvin’! But if you got thirty thousand, and your wife wants fifteen, you might have to kill her!” Chris Rock
I do not like people. Well, I’ll revise that. On an individual basis people are ok. In a group I really begin to detest them. Such as:
People in crowded theatres
People at festivals
People at Malls
People at Shows
People on Public Transpo
People on the Internet (they are a special bunch)
In that last group I especially hate this lady. Who I hate even more are the people who feel sorry for her. I’ll post a video later, but I just want to share some thoughts.
A marriage is not a business deal (traditionally). So if someone is rich and you marry them, if you later divorce you don’t deserve to still be rich. Think of it from this angle. You marry someone with no money, divorce and a judge says…you should have less money. Better yet let’s go with the Chris Rock theory:
“Your honor, check this out. I’m accustomed to fuckin’ her four times a week. Now I feel I should be able to fuck her at least twice a week. I mean she can have the alimony, but I want some pussy payments.”
That probably wouldn’t play well in court, but you get my drift. Now, my bigger problem is this. You marry someone rich, get a prenup and then when the divorce comes along you want more. Check it out: unless you helped someone build a company or you picked half the numbers on the winning lottery ticket, you deserve nothing. Seeing as how you married someone after they did all the work. You didn’t do anything. You probably never cooked or cleaned. Hell, I bet neither of you made the sheets. This is what I figure. If in a divorce the ex-wife wants money and gets it this is what should happen. All the house servants and staff should file for a claim and get some money from her award.
“Your honor…she was a bitch, she never finished the food I slaved over AND I had to help her bloated ass zip up dresses. I just want my due.” Give the driver her car. Give the housekeeper the summer home. At least we can prove that they actually did something. These rich (especially second) wives usually do nothing. I could understand if there was a company at stake or some other business. When the issue is look in his wallet and give me some…get the hell out of here. That’s like adopting another child and giving them allowance for life. Hell if that’s the case we should sue our parents for not continuing with our allowance. Sounds dumb? Then you totally understand me. What really kills me is that usually these women are getting something…the thing is they want more. The only thing that bothers me more than this is when people die and leave all their money to a damn dog or something. Come the hell on. What’s worse is that this is 2008. So women like this don’t just demand more. They make videos and put up a website. Meanwhile some poor divorced mother of three whose situation is nothing like this woman’s feels empathy for her and defends her and sends a little money…to the woman who got the summer home and almost a million bucks.
I feel nothing for you. You know how many years it will take the average person to earn what you will get in the prenup? Mind you in one light I do feel this, just not hers. If most of the people I know had to live on a lot less then they had they would be on the street. Difference the people I know all work to earn their own money and will work for years before close to a million dollars passes through their hands. They’ll never have it in a lump sum though. So this lady should just take her $750,000 - have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.
Short Round: Indy, I love you. You’re my best friend!
Have you seen this boy?
Look into those innocent eyes and witness what Americans going over seas for pleasure has wrought. Child Labor? Pedophilia? Something worse? Who can say for sure. We do know that he was last seen as a driver for one Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones Jr. He also was taken along through an Indian Temple full of worshipers of Kali Ma…Thuggee cultists. No place for a young child…but that did not stop Dr. Jones. In this Temple Short Round was whipped, and used a slave labor. At one point Dr. Jones even struck Short Round while he was under the influence of the Thuggee “Black Blood”…probably Brandy. Short Round help to liberate the child slaves that were captured by the Thuggee. What did Short Round want? A chance to go to America. After Dr. Jones filled his head with American Baseball and the Yankees and hot dogs…where was Short Round in Dr. Jones subsequent adventures? He probably dropped him at the first orphange in Taiwan and went home. Perhaps Dr. Jones taught him more then just how to drive a car and help him escape from gunfights? Maybe if there had been a Goonies 2 Short Round would have shown up again. Yeah…the eccentric American Professor goes abroad, “befriends” an orphan, endangers his life and tosses him aside. Short Round…Be strong.
“I would like to make a toast to lying, stealing, cheating and drinking. If you’re going to lie, lie for a friend. If you’re going to steal, steal a heart. If your going to cheat, cheat death. And if you’re going to drink, drink with me.”
“Let’s drink to California, way out by the sea, Where a woman’s ass, and a whiskey glass, made a horse’s ass of me”
Anonymous
If I don’t get a Sidecar soon I’m going to kirk out and beat a waitress to death with her serving tray. Twice in 4 days I’ve tried to get one and they both looked at me like was retarded. Look, I know you’re used to dumbasses ordering Fuzzy armpits or Sex in the Backseat or whatever stupid ass drink that Cindy and Todd have 5 of before they end up at an abortion clinic a few weeks later, but come the hell on. This shit has been around since World War 1. If you were at a high class establishment you would have to know how to make it…or at least know to take the order and then find out what it is. It’s a drink not a homemade bomb…I’m sure it’s not hard. Hell I could make one and I’ve never been to bartending school. Next thing you’ll be telling me you can’t make a Gin Martini…I’m sure if I asked for a Apple/Mango/Pinapple/Fruitsalad-tini you could bring me that shit. Additionally if I can tell you what’s in it and at what proportions why are you still looking at me like I just ordered grilled baby arms? This is the problem with being almost 30. Establishments fall all over themselves trying to get 18 - 25 people year old into their clubs and to buy their clothes. The only ads targeted to me are for cars (I’m going to kill the people that put the “black” car ads on BET - so what if I know where I come from I still don’t want a damn Ford!!!), home loans and phone service. Them cat’s don’t have the disposable income that I do!!!! Ya’ll better get your priorities straight. It was bad enough when I was young and asked for a shot of whatever and I’d get a plastic cup. It was bad enough when you wouldn’t have Guiness. It’s killing me that all these places have Sam Adams but only the plain lager. Now I can’t get a damn Sidecar. I swear that I will bring the Wrath of a medievel God down upon the head fo the next person who doesn’t act like they get tips for bringing drinks. Don’t ya’ll have one of those elementary school drink cards with pictures that show you how to make drinks.
Here you go everyone get your pen and paper ready:
Esquire Drink Book
1956 SIDECAR (1)
2/3 Brandy
1/3 Cointreau
Dash of lime juice
Shake with very fine ice; strain into frosty cocktail glass
SIDECAR (2)
(50 Million Frenchmen…)
1/3 lemon juice
1/3 Cointreau
1/3 cognac
Shake with cracked ice; strain
The customer was an American Army Captain…can Cindy and Todd tell you who invented or first ordered the Flaming Dr. Pepper? An Incredible Hulk? A Sex on the Beach? A goddamned flying fruit fantasy-tini?!?!?!?! I think not. Either you guys get some class or I will climb behind the bar, make the drink myself and use my Zippo to burn the place to the ground.
WWWD: “Goin’ feral don’t mean I’m goin’ stupid. It’s just that I’m beginnin’ to see other people in a different light… I’m beginnin’ to see some o’ them as prey.” Wolverine
“In giving advice, seek to help, not please, your friend.” Solon (638 BC - 559 BC)
Write down the advice of him who loves you, though you like it not at present. English Proverb
So as usual when I surf the interwebs I have come across controversy…not really. Most internet controversy is never really controversial. It’s just a reimagining of Godwin’s Law:
“As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.”
This one involved Black Women and relationships. This topic always brings about chaos and thrusts the souls of those nearby into purgatory for however long they keep reading. I won’t go into what started…I don’t have to. Just say black women and marriage or relationships, discuss…you’ll probably end up with the same basic comments. Instead of rehashing I’d just like to build on something I’ve noticed. So here is my message to black women in general:
Who said you were a good woman? - That’s right. Mind you no one denies the existence of dead beat dads, lame brothers and so forth. It does bother me that I see large groups of women discussing them and wondering why they can’t find a good man. I heard that Micheal Baisden asked this question, but I don’t listen so I’m asking it myself. Who said you were a good woman? I mean if you use a class room analogy - there a some A students, some D students but the majority are B and C students. A students never have to complain about the bell curve, it’s the B, C and D students that it bothers. Elementary my dear Watson. If you take a random sampling of 50 black women…how often are all of them truly good women?
To put it another way…take an actual good women then count out 49 women she knows that are single…how many of them would she be willing to try and hook up with her brother (if we consider that he is actually a good man)? I’m pretty certain she’s going to whittle that number down a nice amount. She probably wouldn’t be willing to call all of them her friends. I’m pretty sure that there would be at least 15 out of the group that the sister in question would tell her brother he should avoid at all costs.
All of you are not angels and plenty of you suck. Those of you who may not suck should not let the ones who do slide.
You’re young and obviously not ready - What’s the deal with all the complaints I see from people younger then 25 about how there are no good men and they may never get married? The average age of a college graduate is about 21…probably older. So why the hell would your entire life be set less then 5 years after you graduate? Hell, some of you haven’t even been legally able to drink for longer then a year!!! You are not close to being an old cat lady. You are still, in fact, young…if you are not married by the time you are 24 it does not mean you’ll have to be artifically insemenated. Slow down. This also leads to my next topic:
Come to the Grey area there’s plenty of room - It’s fine to have standards. It’s ok to create lists of traits you would like to see in a mate. The problem is if your list is too specific and not meeting every quality means automatic exclusion from your dating pool. You are not going to find a deaf/mute with a 5 pound dick and a trust fund. You may find a spiritual, educated man with a career and a home…but he might not be 6′ 3″ and like dogs - get over it. Additionally stop putting things on the list that you don’t have. If you live with your mama you can’t demand a man who owns a home. If you don’t want someone who lives with their mama…why would someone who doesn’t want you? If you list starts with money, homes, cars or career…prepare to end up with an asshole who spends all his time away from home. Having priorities and standards is required…having specific physical traits, salary requirements and educational levels is pretty dumb. A college education does not ensure intelligence…if you went to college you should know this. Every professional person I know works for or with a very well educated idiot….all that school means is someone was able to remember and recall information that was given to them. There are people working at Starbucks that I trust more then some executive directors. I understand not wanting to be with a broke ass person…but really the more money someone makes the bigger the chance they are an asshole. Mostly because people like you held that trait in such high esteem that they n0w feel like they can get who and whatever they want…thanks.
100 ways to please/get/keep a man by…some lady - It’s a good thing that you are willing to take advice…really. But get some better sources. Here is a list of people not to take advice from:
Your bitter ass friend who can never keep a man.
Your bitter ass friend who recently got divorced.
Most magazines.
Your friend that is the only one who doesn’t know her man is crap.
Unmarried single mothers with 6 kids and 7 baby daddies.
Single people who have had a total of 3 relationships…the first one during high school, the other 2 lasted a total of 2 years.
Dudes who are trying to sleep with you.
Your guy friends, who you’ve never met a girl they were dating (see above).
Your friend who gave up on even dating, much less having a relationship.
Good sources of advice:
People (men or women) who are happily married and don’t pretend their relationship is based on fairy dust and kittens.
Old married couples who are not crazy and have only thought about killing each other (they never actually tried).
People who admit to their own personal faults, have regrets and tell you what you should do instead of what the other person needs to do.
People who will point out the mistake your Significant other and you are making.
Guy friends who are not assholes and are commited to a woman (not just with, but actually commited).
Me (I keed, I keed)
He did it, He did it - Frankly, unless you have authority over someone blame is useless…you can’t make them do anything so it doesn’t matter. Time would be better spent focusing on ourselves and the choices we make. All of these issues are cyclical and rely on both sexes accepting behaviors from the other.
If every man got himself together, soon so would every woman because those men wouldn’t be trying to deal with trifling women.
If every woman got herself together, soon so would every man because those women wouldn’t be trying to deal with trifling men.
What we have is a situation with shared responsibility, you can never look at it from one side and assign blame to the other. All are accountable. Since I personally can’t change anyone all I can do is hold myself accountable for my actions. I suggest we all do the same.
WWWD:
“If yer expecting me t’ run over an’ give you a lovin’ embrace, yer barkin’ up th’ wrong tree.”
Fuck John McCain. Fuck his medals and his military service. That’s right. I said this about black leaders who did something a few decades ago, but only talk shit these days. My problem is not so much with them and what they do, but with the peopel who want to say things like, “You didn’t do what they did so you have no right to criticize.” Look here short bus, if people can follow around someone who acts or puts out records and take pictures of the gray hair on their ass for public display then I sure as hell can criticize anyone who casts or allows themself to be cast as a leader. Especially if you are running for president. Now old Jim Bob who served in the war and was never quite right when he came back can get a pass. If all he does is sit on his porch and dive for cover when cars backfire…cool. Let’s remind people where he was give him his props and move on. However, if you’re healthy (or appear to be) and allow people to paint you as a War Hero…then we can get all up in your shit. Save for a few people. Audie Murphy for instance. When your list of medals reads like this:
Medal of Honor
Distinguished Service Cross
Silver Star (2)
Legion of Merit
Bronze Star (2)
Purple Heart (3)
French Legion of Honor[1]
French Croix de Guerre (+ Palm)[1]
Belgian Croix de Guerre 1940 Palm
You may be a war hero.
When your list of medals reads like that and when you come home you end up starring a move, playing yourself, about what you did in the war. You are probably a war hero….even more so when you suggest someone else (Tony Curtis) play you in the movie about you…despite the fact that you now make your living as an actor.
You know what really clinches it? The fact that in the 60’s Murphy was trying to call attention to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Something the military is still bitch made in regards to…especially when you start talking about health benefits. You know people weren’t trying to talk about it back then. That’s a Hero.
Then in his Auto-Biography dude praises the other men in his platoon and doesn’t mention his military decorations.
Dude lied to get in and had to fight to become active:
After the attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, Murphy (then just 16 years old) tried to enlist in the military, but the services rejected him for being underage.[4] In June 1942, shortly after his 17th birthday (sister Corrine adjusted his birth date so he appeared to be 18 and legally allowed to enlist, and his war memoirs, To Hell and Back, maintained this misinformation, leading to later confusion and contradictory statements as to his year of birth), Murphy was accepted into the United States Army,[3][4] at Greenville,[6] after being turned down by the Marines and the paratroopers for being too short (5′5″/1.65 m)[2] and of slight build.[3][4] He was sent to Camp Wolters, Texas, for basic training[1][6] and during a session of close order drill, passed out. His company commander tried to have him transferred to a cook and bakers’ school[5] because of his baby-faced youthfulness, but Murphy insisted on becoming a combat soldier. His wish was granted: after 13 weeks of basic training,[5] he was sent to Fort Meade, Maryland for advanced infantry training.
All of that makes someone heroic. His daddy wasn’t an admiral and he wasn’t kept in the service despite crashing an amount of planes that would have gotten most pilots kicked out.
Soooooooooo….if people keep calling you a war hero and you won’t even say, please don’t address me as such and then you claim that your service makes you a better candidate…we will get all up in your shit. Expect us. I graduated in the top percentage of my class and had the third highest SAT score in my high school…I don’t run around presenting that as proof of my intelligence. I used to be able to stay awoke for 3 days straight before there was any negative effect…doesn’t mean jack for my abilities these days. If I were to use any of the previous statements to prove something about myself now, then I would expect people to look into my claims and challenge me further. It also doesn’t help when alot of the people who criticize McCain are Vietnam Vets. What have you done for us lately? For those who will ask…Yes I have hge fucking balls. I have the minerals. Fuck his military service. Put up or shut up on what’s going on today.
WWWD:
“It ain’t that simple, toots. The world ain’t black an’ white.” Wolverine
