I know most people have been working under the assumption that Lauryn Hill was driven crazy by Rohan Marley. I submit that he was probably the end of the process. So I recently borrowed “The Score” to add to my iTunes/iPod etc. I used to own it…but despite losing it, the version I bought was a cassette and I’m not built for that transfer. So anyway I load it up and I’m rocking it all this morning and something hit me. I recall thinking about it the first year I had the album, but now looking back it just has more meaning to me. My friends…The Fugees had hate in their heart. Now I know you’re wondering why I’ve come to that conclusion, you’re probably suspecting me of some shenanigans. When you listen to the album for yourself you’ll see what I’m saying. Everyone who is a fan, emcee, producer or has any history with Hip-Hop knows this simple truth: The best verse goes last. This is the point within a group where you find out who knows how to be honest and humble. When you write a verse you’re trying to produce the best you can. When it’s time to put the song together, you have to do what’s right for the song. So if the verse that you knew was the best one in the universe isn’t quite as good as the one your partner wrote…they need to go last. It’s different if there are two people, because you need a strong opening as well. So switching back and forth between first and last is easy. When there are three or more people then you start to find out what the deal is. A weak verse can be hidden between two stronger ones, a strong verse can clean up behind two weaker ones. Three weak verses means go get job applications. The hardest and at the same time easiest scenario is several strong verses. It’s not so much a matter of which is better, but which is appropriate for each slot. This is when humility and honesty really comes into play. When your verse is great and ends up in the middle you can feel a certain way when you don’t accept that the others were built more to open and close the song. This is leads me to the insanity that is “The Score” as good of an album as it is, NO ONE come close to touching any of Lauryns verses. The problem is that she is either first or in the middle of just about every song on the album! I’ll present the best example/worst offender of the whole bunch….Manifest.

Just for the record I’ll include the text version of her verse.

You see I loved hard once, but the love wasn’t returned
I found out the man I’d die for, he wasn’t even concerned
And time it turned,
He tried to burn me like a perm
Though my eyes saw the deception, My heart wouldn’t let me learn
From um, some, dumb woman, was I,
And everytime he’d lie, he would cry and inside I’d die.
My heart must have died a thousand deaths
Compared myself to Toni Braxton thought I’d never catch my breath
Nothing left, he stole the heart beating from my chest
I tried to call the cops, that type of thief you can’t arrest
Pain suppressed, will lead to cardiac arrest
Diamonds deserve diamonds, but he convinced me I was worth less
when my peoples would protest,
I told them mind their business, cause my s*** was complex
More than just the sex
I was blessed, but couldn’t feel it like when I was caressed
I’d spend nights clutching my breasts overwhelmed by God’s test
I was God’s best contemplating death with a Gillette
But no man is ever worth the paradise MANIFEST

Look…there are certainly some better verses out in the universe….but I’ll be damned if there are many. Something no one can deny is that this man:

(Picture added so you can boo him on sight)

This man, Pras, has NEVER put together a verse that could touch anything that Lauryn has ever done. That acoustic MTV album….still better then anything he ever did, has done or will ever do.

SO HOW IN THE HELL DOES HER VERSE GET PLACED BETWEEN WYCLEF AND ONE WRITTEN BY THIS INDIVIDUAL WHO CLAIMS TO BE ABLE TO RHYME!?!?!?!?!

What the hell type of shenanigans came about to make that happen? Not only that stellar verse on that one song…but through most of the album. I understand that a group may not want to keep the same order going….but frankly Pras should almost never be the last person to spit on a song. Maybe if you get various friends of famous emcees and give them a song…perhaps then. When you have Lauryn Hill….NO! I contend that whatever type of insanity had Lauryn Hill placed in stupid positions on songs was the beginning of her fall into insanity. I blame those two dudes for not cherishing a precious gem and talent in Ms. Hill and instead putting their ego ahead of all logic and common sense. Thanks guys…thanks a fricking lot.

Check out this link then come back to my rant.

The first time I saw this one thought came to mind. That selfish bitch! In these tough economic times she runs out and uses all the Chase Sapphire points to buy herself a dress. Meanwhile her husband is a team player. Thinking up vacations, romantic getaways and what not. Well guess what, now you got no points left and you sitting around with your husband in his “weekend shorts” . See. You could been boating and dancing under the stars, but no! You just had to run out and think about yourself. Check out the look on her face when he mentions those points. I hope you like modeling that dress in the living room cause it looks like you won’t be going anywhere now. If he had run out and used them points on a 50″ plasma you’d probably be pissed off wouldn’t you? WOULDN’T YOU? It’s cool for you to just run out and buy stuff though, huh? You make me sick.

Rant over.

Q: Bishop, you’re crazy!
Bishop: You know what? Last time you said that, I was kinda trippin’, right? But now, you’re right. I am crazy. And you know what else? I don’t give a fuck. I don’t give a fuck about you. I don’t give a fuck about Steel. I don’t give a *fuck* about Raheem, either. I don’t give a fuck about myself. Look, I ain’t shit. And you less of a man than me, so as soon as I figure you ain’t gon be shit, *pow*! So be it. You remember that, motherfucker. ‘Cause I’m the one you need to be looking out for… *partner*!

The other night Juice was on the telly and I stopped for a few because my lady had never seen it (I was shocked). Mind you, I’ve seen Juice plenty of times. It’s the movie that showed me you could really live it up when you cut school (note to self..make sure my kids never read that line). As with all things, seeing it at 30 I saw some things I hadn’t noticed before. One of them being that Tupac played one of the greatest roles in a film ever (yes, ever). Bishop was a perfect character…you see who he can be early on, you see him moving from fear into power into all out crazy. I was able to point out the exact moment after he killed Rahiem that he transitioned. Watching him at the house after the funeral is a chilling scene. Beyond the new revelations there are somethings I have always thought about when I watch Juice. You can tell alot by who people really look to in those movies. I identified with GQ…being caught up in a situation and looking for a way out. It always amazed how many people looked at Bishop like a he was the man (notice how popular Tupac got after that role?). As I came to realize, he was just one of many cautionary tales that people would instead use as a guide on how to live.

Here are my two picks for the most innappropriate “heroes” and their counterparts.

Bishop (Juice) -Crazy is the first term that comes to mind. A better description is the embodiment of “I Gave You Power” by Nas. He starts out as kind of scrappy dude with problems, but once he gets his hands on a gun he (self-admittedly) goes all the way crazy and just doesn’t care. He schemed, plotted and basically went on a spree of murders (accomplished and attempted). Any redeeming quality he had was gone within the first 15 minutes of the movie. To top it all off, without a gun he had to be saved from daily beatdowns by the person he ended up killing.

The Alternate:

GQ (Juice) – Dude really just wanted to kick it with his crew, his older woman and DJ. By going along with his friends in something he wanted no part of he basically ends up having his whole world fall apart around him. He wasn’t tough until he was put into a position to get tough or die.

Tony Montana (Scarface) - You had to see this coming right? So I understand the whole “worked his way up – hardbody – kingpin angle”, but look at what happened. Dude got a lousy woman, was a coked out psycho and eventually got killed. There really wasn’t a “hero” aspect to him. He wasn’t Robin Hood or anything. He sold drugs, took over operations and died with an M-16 as his only friend. Whisky Tango Foxtrot!?!?

The Alternate:

Carlito Brigante (Carlito’s Way) – While he started out in life as a criminal, the entire movie is about him trying to get away from that life. Unlike Scarface he reasons his way through just about everything. He’s telling you before hand what effect everyones action is going to have. Even when he makes a mistake he explains it and regrets it. More than anything this line always stood out to me: “If you can’t see the angles no more, you’re in trouble.” That’s rare in a movie to have the main dude admitting he’s losing his edge. Despite going out at the end, dude spends most of the movie getting laughed at for wanting to go join a car rental business.

I want to say people just cherry picked these movies. I mean how do you make a hero out of the person who goes down in flames? Carlito does get killed, but he also gives his girl the money to get away with their child. Q doesn’t want the rep he earns by the end of the movie. Nobody gives props to Q. More people will cite Scarface then Carltio’s Way. Yet, Bishop and Tony both really had no place to go but down. Bishop actually summed up the situation the best. He felt like he wasn’t anything and now he had the power to make anyone else into nothing. From one standpoint I understand people identifying with Bishop as he starts out, but it doesn’t make sense to walk the path he chose if you’ve seen his example. Yet, many people have and continue to do so. There was a study completed recently here in Baltimore. One of the main points they hit was that 99% of youth victims and perpetrators of violence had some kind of record that indicated they needed intervention before they were ever involved in violence. Not only are we faced with a bunch of Bishops who want to be Tony Montana…but we know who they are beforehand. Despite all those killed or incarcerated over drugs people will still see that as a way to come up in the world…even when all evidence points to the contrary. What makes it worse is that despite being emaulated, Bishop had no real moment of glory. He was still poor, still in the same hood and judging by what Sweets had in the fridge…he didn’t even have the best gun. I guess it’s like Kurosawa said, in a mad world only the mad are sane.

Dear Michael Steele,

Damn you. Damn you straight to the darkest and hottest pit of Hades. Honestly, I can’t say I didn’t know this is why you were made Chairman of the RNC. The country gets a black guy, they go get a black guy I get it. However, your response to Jimmy Carter has officially determined who you are. There are some things I take on faith. If the state of Texas says a man shouldn’t be executed, I’ll go with that. When an 80-something year old white man who was raised in the south suggests people are being racist against a black man…I tend to believe him (especially when there was already proof). I watched your response and every signal I’ve seen since your election coalesced until before me was the result of 5 versions of Uncle Ruckus forming a House Negro Voltron. Your election was suspect from the start. Then I cringed internally as Michelle Bachmann “praised” you with a shout of “You be da man!”. Even worse than thinking of every time personally or in the periphery I’ve witnessed some white person make an awkward attempt at relating by regurgitating not just slang…but ebonics, I had to deal with but the embarrassment of you throwing out slang left and right. It became clear that even after only a month your own party was uncomfortable with you in a leadership position. Something I attributed to racism…because hell, it had only been a month. Then you…The Chairman backed down from Rush Limbaugh. When you said what Limbaugh does is “incendiary and ugly” I thought that maybe you at least had a spine. You proved me wrong quite quickly. You know what? You are the Leader of the Party…they elected you. Limbaugh is an entertainer and what he does is incendiary and ugly. So I watched you respond to Jimmy Carter. The more you spoke the less I heard. My head started resounding with with quotes from old movies. “They’s good white folks!” Mind you, it’s already bad enough when one person tries to speak and cover for the venom of others. In light of everything I’ve seen thrown at President Obama, to watch you declare how wrong Jimmy Carter is (meanwhile Limbaugh called him America’s Hemorrhoid) – it broke a dam that was inside of me. Now I have to say it, “There is no word to describe you, Uncle Tom (Uncle Ruckus), House Slave…none of them are good enough”. I hope to not even hear you speak anymore. I don’t know how you can even look at yourself in the mirror. You are worse then any black person they trotted out to speak against Malcolm X and you aren’t even opposing someone as radical. You are worse then a token. You have become the icon of self-hatred and denial in my mind. Worse then calling you a race traitor…you have betrayed your humanity in the name of politics. You are worse then a Remora Fish to everything black. I could keep on describing things that are low, but it would do no good. There is no appropriate word to describe you. From this point out when I need a horribly insulting description I will just use your name.

Die. I know you feel great. You’re really doing something positive and you want to let everyone know. You’re so bothered that I’m not going to sign your petition or whatever the hell it was. I’ll ask you to refrain from trying to lecture me about global poverty and making snide remarks about me “taking a vacation from saving the environment today”. Ahem: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE HELL I DO FOR A LIVING?!?!?!?! I’ll tell you what you stick a pledge sheet for my organization on your clipboard or get some employers to say they’ll hire some of my clients and I’ll sign your crap. I saw more of you guys standing around than we can even afford to employ. I am Mr. Human Services all week long and I don’t want to use part of the first vacation I’ve had since November to dick around with you. Come back and talk to me when you’ve been doing that shit for almost a decade and then try and lecture me. Not to mention you have no idea who I am. I might be developing a sustainable form of energy for use in third world countries. I might be building a house out of recycled materials that I pull out of the gutter. Really all that’s not important. I said I’m not interested so just let that stand. In my mind you’re no different from the guy that was trying to sell me Nestle Crunch when I got back home. Both of you pushed it too far and made me want to put you in the camel clutch. Leave me the hell alone. Especially since there are like 50 of you guys standing in a 10 block radius I don’t want to hear anymore of your talking points. You have two choices: 1) Die away from me. 2) Concentrate on summoning Captain Planet. By the way…you should find a new means anyway….how in the digital age are you gonna save the environment while all of you are out using paper? Way to go…you could have saved some trees by putting this online. Oh, and global poverty guy. I’m fucking poor and I work with people who make less than me. Cry me a damned river. I’ll let you wipe your eyes on my overdue student loan notices…there’s plenty of them. In short when you see me and I say:
No thanks.
I’m good.
No, but good luck.

Enjoy that along with a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

Sincerely,

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
Gandhi

Might as well. Seems like no one wants him to be able to do anything anyway. I can’t help but laugh and be saddened at the same time when I see him held in a similar regard to a Nazi war criminal. Vick did something horrible for certain. His situaiton, however, mirrors those of clients I work with and sheds a light on why cycles keep repeating. It also shows the hipocracy of people in this country. Let me ask a question that I’ll revisit later. How many PETA protestors show up at Preakness, the Kentucky Derby or Belmont Stakes? The crux of this whole issue is not what Mike Vick did, but what he’ll do now. I don’t mean showing contrition, or speaking out about animal cruelty. I mean the fact tha people want to see him suffer. He went bankrupt on the strength of sponsors backing off and the Falcons reclaiming money. So beyond losing any prestige from playing in the NFL…he also lost his money. So now we have a broke, unemployed, ex-con who no one wants to touch and what do I keep hearing? That no one should, he should be banned for life from the NFL. No one should hire him. He should curl up in a ball and die. So I say…kill him then. Enact all of your cowardly online declarations and put him out of his misery, make him suffer first like some of you suggest he should. Despite what he’s done, he’s out now. In other situations people always talk about paying your debt and rejoining society. Yet not as many people are willing to hire people with records. So you want them to become productive, but won’t give them a chance to produce? You say what Vick did was too horrible? Well let’s go back to horse racing. People have eased back on running Fillys in certain races…but they still run horses that are a bit too young. Remember Barbaro? That wasn’t a one time freak accident. Despite all the attention that horse got…nothing changed about racing. I still don’t see PETA ads encouraging me not to support horse racing. There’s not commercial with Sarah McLachlan singing in the background while images of sad looking horses are displayed. The interesting thing about horses (and why it was considered a mercy to shoot one with a broken leg) is that running is a central part of their life. They naturally run…like when they experience pain they try to run from it. So a horse with a broken leg would hurt it self even more trying to escape the pain it’s feeling. Even worse is the actual build of a horses leg and how damage can compound. Most people would rather kill the horse than spend the money it would take to properly care for it in that situaiton. Dogs are cuter and easier to own. I don’t hear any outcry over people making insects fight. I guess a Stag Beetle doesn’t come across as well on a poster. Even worse then the general hatred Vick is getting, has to be sports writers. “We need to know that he’s learned his lesson.” The only way you’ll know is if he’s caught with another dog fighting ring. Other than that how can you tell if he’s sorry. Hell how can you ever tell if any athelete is ever sorry for anything. If they break down in tears complete with sobbing and snot bubbles will that seal it? Maybe if they do a Nancy Kerrigan. What reallly kills me about Sports writers is the “it’s a privilege to play in ‘________’ league”. No it’s not, that’s something nerdy fans who could never get on a team say. People aren’t allowed into professional sports for any other reason than demonstrated ability and even though you’re just a commodity to be used and traded. If it is a privilege, would someone revoke Farves so I don’t have to keep hearing about him playing the, “maybe I will” game. If it’s such a privilege why didn’t they just let Ricky Williams retire instead of taking back money he made in previous years? My job isn’t a privilege and if have issues and resign they don’ demand money back. Hell you can turn down awards and they don’t demand anything from you. All of this makes Michael Vicks situation so much more ironic to me. It’s not like he’s just going to rake in Millions of dollars. Who’s going to sponsor him now? Jason Taylor has never broken the law and he got a miniscule contract this year considering his body of work. Vick would be lucky to be a special teams player….yet people will still be pissed because he isn’t being made to suffer. So kill him. That way I won’t have to watch this spectacle any longer. I won’t have to turn on the news and see a 20 reporters standing on his lawn while legally he can’t even speak to them to tell them to get off of it. I won’t have to watch him absorb hits and play through pain. I’m sure you can think up more ways for him to suffer. So implement them all.

Not the robots. The city…I’ve been watching over the last few years and my city is changing all around me. Some of it is good, some of it is cool, some of it sucks arse. It makes me think about my younger days and the things I loved in the city. More than anything it reminds me that you can’t manufacture cool. Let’s hold up two areas for comparison.

Charles Village:

around late 90’s early 2000 I spent alot of time around this area. I could walk there from where I grew up and I knew a lot of people who lived in the area. The majority of them were college students or dropouts who lived in the apartments all around. The rent wasn’t crazy, but at that age you needed roommates and they were mostly Three story converts so each had some personality to them. Golden Temple was right next to Wazobia’s so you could buy (if you had the money) a Carlton Marshall and some incense then grab a dope salad (best salad bar ever). A few blocks down Charles St. there was Concious Heads where you could get a cut and buy a book. You could walk to the park and kick it or eat on a roof top of one of the apartments. There were decent liquor stores in the area so you could always get a Stout and even some Woodchuck cider if you felt like it. Perhaps it was the high number of students (and drop outs), but there were alot of artists in the are. I can think of two different recording studios on one block not to mention what may have been tucked away. In a word…it was cool. Harmonic convergence kind of cool. Even if for some reason no one I kne was home, I could still go to Charles Village and kick it. More than likely I would randomly meet someone who I become familiar with….especially the opposite sex…Charles Village was a great place to meet women. Either at Golden Temple, a Hopkins party (sisters at Johns Hopkins were so lonely) or just randomly in the street. There were also several “black market venues” in the area. It makes me glad I’m reformed because then I learned that the sad part about dudes who sold weed was that they tended to be home so everyone could get to them, but nobody hung out with them. I always felt a mixture between wanting to invite them along and wanting to hurry up and leave to do my thing. Ahhhh youth. I’m quite sure I heard more new music, wrote more songs, tried more food and flirted with more women in Charles Village than any other place in the city.

Harbor East:

This is the new….when I was really running around this town there was no Harbor East…it was just the end of President st. You could walk through Little Italy to get there…but the only reason would be to get to Fells Point (which was and still is cool). Now there are several things in this area…Whole Foods, Landmark Theatre, Roy’s, Teavolve (which used to be closer to S. Broadway)….there’s a lot of stuff there. The problem with it is this: it feels like it’s trying to be cool which makes it a pretender. I like Landmark…I go to that Wholefoods…I just don’t have the urge to hang out in the area. Harbor east is like that kid that had all the new toys and video games…but no one wanted to go there house. You would avoid them to hangout in someone’s yard throwing rocks. It wasn’t that you didn’t like them…they just tried to hard so they weren’t as much fun. Plus they relied on their toys too much. Harbor East I think, has a bad location if you really know Baltimore…there’s good food in Little Italy and on S. Broadway. The Harbor has a bunch of stores and food spots, but S. Broadway has just as many and you don’t pay tourist money. If you want to do both you can jump on a water taxi that will take you to the heart of either. Harbor east is literally surrounded by these areas and on the south side…water. The area was plenty of new condo’s and parking garages there’s a good place to buy wine and some cool stores. Yet it’s just not cool.

This is what happens when people try to manufacture cool. Charles Village had things in the area to patronize, but it was cool mostly because of the people that came into the area. Harbor East doesn’t have that. Actually it never will. I mentioned this to my girl and she quoted some show that said if you want to find an “up and coming” area, look for where artists live. Eventually that area will be built up and this way you can get in before it prices rise. The bad part about this is…once it’s all built up the artists won’t be able to live there anymore so what initially made it a cool area has been pushed out by….people’s desire to live in a cool area. You can’t manufacture cool…you can be cool, you can join in on cool…but you can’t build it from the ground up, not when we’re talking about a city or part of town. It’s not about stores and design that make and area cool it’s about what happens there. Hampden is similar to a lot of places in various cities…but how many bother to have a festival? South Broadway benefits from it’s proximity to the Harbor and the Water Taxi, but there are stores there that attract certain people. In the end you get a decent mix of people. However, that area has been like that for years. The Harbor has been there for years….but no one really wants to hangout there either. Most people I know wonder why tourists bother to come there in the first place. You can’t manufacture cool.

“You can’t even comprehend what I am! I’a a force o’ nature — the beast in the wild! That little runt you’re all so scared of is nothin’ but a pale imitation o’ me!”
—–
“It’s Latin. Back in the days of the Roman Empire. ‘Quod sum eris.’ ‘I am what you will be.’ No matter where you go, no matter what you do or don’t do, it can’t be stopped. You are going to become… me.”
Sabertooth

In honor of the Wolverine movie coming out and the fact that geeks usually have something to complain about when comic movies are made, sometimes I’m one of them, I thought it would be interesting to look at one complaint about the film from a different take. The biggest group of complaints about any comic book movie rests in getting things right. If it wasn’t like that in the book many geeks won’t like it. However, sometimes there is a bigger issue with the comic than the movie…that issue my friends…is retcon. So here’s the complaint I’m working with:

Geek voice: “Wolverine and Sabertooth aren’t brothers.” That’s true…now. The relationship between Sabertooth and Wolverine is complex and depending on what writer was working on the books at the time it has changed…a lot.

1. Same Person, kinda - John Byrne drew a face for Wolverine and upon learning that John Romita Sr. had done one that had been used…he turned this character into Sabertooth a villan for Iron Fist

3. Father - After creating Sabertooth Byrne, who had fought to not have Wolverine dropped early on, wanted to make him Wolverine’s father (Chris Claremont wanted this as well). Later writers didn’t.

3. Brother - Origins depicted Dog Logan as Wolverines half-brother (who hated him) he had a strong resemblance to Sabertooth and it was revealed that this was going to become a possible origin of their fued. (The writer didn’t intend this, but said it wouldn’t bother him if another writer did it later). Later writers didn’t.

4. Members of rival clans - Some story line in another book had them as members of rival Wolf and Bear Clans that had been fighting throughout history. Other writers did not pick up on this.

5. Son - It’s a different continuity for certain, but in the Ultimates they made Sabertooth Wolverine’s son.

6. Lupines - So a continuing Arc is has some dude named Romulus as a mastermind behind the experiments and tampering done with Wolverine. This dude has an interest in all the “Feral” type mutants. In this arc Sabertooth has been used as one of Wolverines “handlers”.

7. Teammates - One thing that hasn’t changed once established is that at one time the two were teammates working for the CIA and they were both part of the Weapon X project that gave Wolverine his Adamantium skeleton.

8. Rivals - This also never changes…so much so that at one point Sabertooth was apart of the X-Men and when Wolverine heard (he wasn’t around at the time) he came straight to the Mansion and the two of them started scrapping.

8. Whatever comes next - A retcon is a tool for a writer to change something in a stories history. Or for a different writer to toss out his predecessors idea so he can do whatever he now wants. So down the line who knows what the relationship will be?

WWWD:
Wolverine: “I… urkgl.. wanted to know what you… what you meant by.. ‘quod sum eris.”
Creed: “What? You ask me that now after all these years? You can go to hell.”
Wolverine: “Been there. They got your bed all made up and ready for you. Got a feelin’ though. A real sick feelin’, Creed.. that we’re going to be sharing a room together down there.”

“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’ “
Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)

I had to give it up. I had a long love affair with Starbucks…but as a vocational counselor it’s hard for me to support a place that fires someone I know on some bullshit. Can’t do it. Now I go to Peace and a Cup of Joe…where the owner is behind the counter. Cheaper, still quality and I can catch some ESPN with my Mocha. Take that bitches.

In other news. Deadliest Warrior now owns my Tuesday nights. Pitting two types of warriors from different time periods may be the greatest idea ever. I totally knew that the Apache would own the Gladiator. This show also reminded me to not go to every website (again). Nothing is more sad than 13 year old boys crying because they didn’t like how things turned out. Just because you guys loved the movie Gladiator does not mean they could beat an Apache. Deal with it. Most of them are stil mad because there hasn’t been a Pirates vs. Ninjas episode. Next week…Pirates vs. Knights….ahhhhh.

I have made up my mind that along with being able to kick Chuck Norris’ ass - Bruce Lee should be recognized as one of the great philosphers of the 20th century.

Heroes season finale tonight….Wolverine on Friday…Ahhh.

My job has moved us back up to four days a week. Who can turn down the money, but man do I miss sleeping in on Monday. Greeny and Golic how I miss you.

Dear USPS,

I have given you a new name. The United States Penis Service. I feel this is appropriate because you seem to have a nature of fucking me. May I present exhibit A:

Now lookit….my man Dallas sends out some cool shit. Not some overly expensive items. Not some rare item I’ll never find again. He just sends out some cool shit. I can understand you needing to take it from me. What I don’t understand is why in the flaming fuck you would feel the need to still send me the empty envelope!?!?!?!?! You not only fucked me, but you sent me the proof that you fucked me. You didn’t even send it an one of those “this item has been damaged” joints. No. You just sent the envelope on as if nothing had ever happened and everything was ok. You fuckwits. If was to show up and rain blows down upon your staff I would be wrong wouldn’t I? Why it gotta be like this? Don’t make me seek my revenge. Let this happen again. Let me miss out on some potentially cool shit again. I will cause trouble. I will call everybody. I will forward pictures. I’ll take sick days and spend them bitching to everyone I can. I’m too pissed to even continue discussing this. Fuckers.

With Malice,

Amadeo

WWWD:

“You’re the one who oughtta be shakin’ ‘cause I’m about to carve you up into sushi.”
- Wolverine