“You can’t even comprehend what I am! I’a a force o’ nature — the beast in the wild! That little runt you’re all so scared of is nothin’ but a pale imitation o’ me!”
—–
“It’s Latin. Back in the days of the Roman Empire. ‘Quod sum eris.’ ‘I am what you will be.’ No matter where you go, no matter what you do or don’t do, it can’t be stopped. You are going to become… me.”
Sabertooth

In honor of the Wolverine movie coming out and the fact that geeks usually have something to complain about when comic movies are made, sometimes I’m one of them, I thought it would be interesting to look at one complaint about the film from a different take. The biggest group of complaints about any comic book movie rests in getting things right. If it wasn’t like that in the book many geeks won’t like it. However, sometimes there is a bigger issue with the comic than the movie…that issue my friends…is retcon. So here’s the complaint I’m working with:

Geek voice: “Wolverine and Sabertooth aren’t brothers.” That’s true…now. The relationship between Sabertooth and Wolverine is complex and depending on what writer was working on the books at the time it has changed…a lot.

1. Same Person, kinda - John Byrne drew a face for Wolverine and upon learning that John Romita Sr. had done one that had been used…he turned this character into Sabertooth a villan for Iron Fist

3. Father - After creating Sabertooth Byrne, who had fought to not have Wolverine dropped early on, wanted to make him Wolverine’s father (Chris Claremont wanted this as well). Later writers didn’t.

3. Brother - Origins depicted Dog Logan as Wolverines half-brother (who hated him) he had a strong resemblance to Sabertooth and it was revealed that this was going to become a possible origin of their fued. (The writer didn’t intend this, but said it wouldn’t bother him if another writer did it later). Later writers didn’t.

4. Members of rival clans - Some story line in another book had them as members of rival Wolf and Bear Clans that had been fighting throughout history. Other writers did not pick up on this.

5. Son - It’s a different continuity for certain, but in the Ultimates they made Sabertooth Wolverine’s son.

6. Lupines - So a continuing Arc is has some dude named Romulus as a mastermind behind the experiments and tampering done with Wolverine. This dude has an interest in all the “Feral” type mutants. In this arc Sabertooth has been used as one of Wolverines “handlers”.

7. Teammates - One thing that hasn’t changed once established is that at one time the two were teammates working for the CIA and they were both part of the Weapon X project that gave Wolverine his Adamantium skeleton.

8. Rivals - This also never changes…so much so that at one point Sabertooth was apart of the X-Men and when Wolverine heard (he wasn’t around at the time) he came straight to the Mansion and the two of them started scrapping.

8. Whatever comes next - A retcon is a tool for a writer to change something in a stories history. Or for a different writer to toss out his predecessors idea so he can do whatever he now wants. So down the line who knows what the relationship will be?

WWWD:
Wolverine: “I… urkgl.. wanted to know what you… what you meant by.. ‘quod sum eris.”
Creed: “What? You ask me that now after all these years? You can go to hell.”
Wolverine: “Been there. They got your bed all made up and ready for you. Got a feelin’ though. A real sick feelin’, Creed.. that we’re going to be sharing a room together down there.”

“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’ “
Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)

I had to give it up. I had a long love affair with Starbucks…but as a vocational counselor it’s hard for me to support a place that fires someone I know on some bullshit. Can’t do it. Now I go to Peace and a Cup of Joe…where the owner is behind the counter. Cheaper, still quality and I can catch some ESPN with my Mocha. Take that bitches.

In other news. Deadliest Warrior now owns my Tuesday nights. Pitting two types of warriors from different time periods may be the greatest idea ever. I totally knew that the Apache would own the Gladiator. This show also reminded me to not go to every website (again). Nothing is more sad than 13 year old boys crying because they didn’t like how things turned out. Just because you guys loved the movie Gladiator does not mean they could beat an Apache. Deal with it. Most of them are stil mad because there hasn’t been a Pirates vs. Ninjas episode. Next week…Pirates vs. Knights….ahhhhh.

I have made up my mind that along with being able to kick Chuck Norris’ ass - Bruce Lee should be recognized as one of the great philosphers of the 20th century.

Heroes season finale tonight….Wolverine on Friday…Ahhh.

My job has moved us back up to four days a week. Who can turn down the money, but man do I miss sleeping in on Monday. Greeny and Golic how I miss you.

“You know what’s interesting, though? You’re as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.”
Jon Stewart to Tucker Carlson

You all know I think Ed Reed covers whatever portion of the earth that water doesn’t. However, cable television has it’s own version of Ed Reed and his name is Jon Stewart. Last week he did a segment on alot of the CNBC financial experts giving horrible advice leading to the amazing race to the poor house that’s going on right now. For some reason other shows (which normally try to ignore Stewart since he does a better job then them) started talking about it and they focused on Jim Cramer. For some reason that can never be justified…Cramer went ahead and responded. In doing so he has provided me entertainment for quite a while. See kids, the thing is this…Jon Stewart will respond…Jon Stewart will take things to the Nth degree while showing clips of you saying what you now deny. I’m pretty sure if he got on me for some reason I’d just have to catch him in a back alley…it’s the safer method. Is it just me or did Cramer miss what happened when Tucker Carlson went up against Stewart. That established rule #1…Jon Stewart will come on your show and make you look stupid. In fact after his appearance Crossfire got taken off the air. No. He must not have because he keeps on responding. Too bad for him that Stewart won’t just “rise above and ignore it”. Now my friends…I get the delight of Cramer actually going on The Daily Show on thursday. Normally, I might not think much of such a move…the thing is that Stewart is not an easy interviewer. This is the man that grilled Scott McClellan after he wrote a book criticising the administration he worked for. Other shows asked him about his bravery and if he and the President would still talk…Stewart basically said, “You were part of it and in regards to the press you were the face of it.” Once again I heart Jon Stewart.

“My Eyes!!!!!!”
- A man who has seen the unseeable.

So as a Ravens fans there are a few things I’d like to share with my co-horts and some football fans in general.

1) Team color camoflauge is not cool.

Purple, white and grey? Where the hell is that effective? I know you want to represent for the team and all, but c’mon. The only thing this is good for is the person selling it to you. It looks horrible.

2) Where the hell did the Mardi Gras beads come from?

I can get with it if chicks flash boobs for them.

3) We are spoiled.

The Cardinals haven’t even been to the playoffs in God knows how long, meanwhile we get the Ravens in 1996 and in 2000 we’re the champions. Our first two draft picks are Hall of Famers. The first two! We’ve had so many pro-bowl picks and possibly even more potential Hall of Famers on our roster. So now what? We bash Ozzie Newsome and exclaim that he’s horrible at choosing talent in the draft. Really? Heap sucks? Ray has lost a step? Calm the hell down Baltimore. There are fans in other cities that have NEVER had a Superbowl title. They’re like orphans on the side of the road. “Please sir can I have a playoff berth?” Let’s act like we actually like our team. I mean really…be glad we aren’t Buffalo or Philly.

4) Ease back on the internet.

Armchair QB’s are nothing new…the problem is that now it isn’t just the guy at the bar or the guy at your job. There are a million internet GMs and QBs and Owners all over the place. They all have a plan. They are all totally right…after the fact. STOP. Watch the game. Stay off the internet. When you learn how to talk about football for real you can come back.

5) People get beat all the time.

It is not the end of the world cause your team loses. Perk up. This goes double for you people I call Sado-Masofans. The ones that sit around talking about how the team is going to get beat and they suck and blah, blah, blah….shut up. We don’t like you.

6) Citing injuries, bad calls and penalties is viable.

I’m not just saying this because the Ravens have 16 guys on IR, the most in the league, but they do. Yes this is viable. Every heard the expression “…like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest”? It’s was invented for a reason. Injuries make teams work harder. Bad calls and penalties suck all around. Even when they work in my teams favor I have to admit them. They hurt us all in the end…ask someone who bet the spread on the Steelers game.

7) Everybody has that guy.

You know…the guy people who follow other teams don’t know about…but since you watch your team you know they play good. He’s not magic…every one has one of them. Your guy is not that special. Get over it/him. Stop telling us about him.

8) Patriots fans suck.

Why, cause they’re probably Red Sox fans too. I used to like them when they were losing and I even hoped they would get a taste of some victory…but now it’s just gone to your head….when Brady got hurt I laughed…not at him, but at you. I could imagine you sitting there, not even trying to hold back your crocodile tears, afraid that you wouldn’t get yet another title. Get over it…your teams used to lose all the time. Be content for a while…m’kay?

“Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that’s where you renew your springs that never dry up.”
Pearl Buck (1892 - 1973)

So as it goes we all spend some time alone. Frankly I enjoy this. I’m the type of person that could spend an hour talking to myself and have a satisfying conversation. That said I also do things when I’m alone and here are some of my favorites currently.

Books:

I’ve been hooked on Richard Matheson, Phillip Dick and now Orson Scott Card. I’m going to run out and pick up the rest of the Ender series this weekend. Curse my ability to read quickly. It’s a terrible thing to be able to read and comprehend quickly while loving books. I keep going through them so quick when I run out of a particular author I’m left hanging til I find something I can dig again.

TV:

I am not one of those people who doesn’t watch TV, I am one of the people who thinks those people should get cable and at least have the History, Discovery and Bio channels. Good shit. However I do get healthy doses of Cartoon Network and movie channels.

Venture Bros. - Remember Johnny Quest? Add about 30 years, family dysfunction sexual innuendo, a million pop culture references and you get the Venture Bros. Not to mention Johnny Quest and Race Bannon are actually in an episode each. They also have the best use of David Bowies Space Oddity.

Entourage - For some reason I slept on this show for a while, but my roommate put me on and I fricking dig it. Ari Gold is the shit.

Robot Chicken - If you are within 3 - 5 years my age you should be watching Robot Chicken…it’s only 15 minutes but it’s well worth it. I highly recommend the Star Wars special.

Look I get it…some of you out there feel better having someone from a small town go to the white house. You’ve obviously never read a Stephen King book cause small towns have some of the most horrible secrets…I think Palin may a ghost her whole town having been wiped out by zombie moose and she’s going to lead us to the slaughter…but that’s just me. Anyhow I’ve worked out a compromise. You want someone from a small town, someone with an accent, someone who has taken charge?

I give you Marge Gunderson.

She’s proven under fire. She’s had people under her command. She knows how to use a gun. I know that some of you Palin supporters are feeling conflicted now. Marge has a child too. Her husband knows wildlife and enjoys ice fishing.

On the Issues:
3 A.M. phone call, Marge responds:
“Oh my. Where? Yeah? Aw geez. Okay, there in a jif. Real good, then.”

Marge on deregulation:
“For a little bit of money. There’s more to life than a little money, you know. Don’t you know that? And here ya are, and it’s a beautiful day.”

Marge on the Press:
“Oh, for pete’s sake. He’s fleein’ the interview. He’s fleein’ the interview!”

Marge on Sex ED:
“So, you were having sex with the little fella, then?”

Marge on red tape:
“Okey-dokey, thanks a bunch. I’ll let you get back to your paperwork, then.”

Marge on Hostile Negotiations:
“Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me, I’m just doing my job here. “

Marge on Family:
“That’s terrific. I’m so proud of ya, Norm. Heck, Norm, you know we’re doin’ pretty good.”

This Message has been paid for and approved by Mike Yanagita.

“She’s such a super lady!”

“Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.”
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil’s Dictionary

So I was watching clips of Bush addressing the Nation and I really realized something. The country deserves him. The more time I spend on the internet reading people’s comments and just listening to folks…this country probably deserves a moron in charge. They deserve someone who they’d drink beers with to make decisions that will have an effect on the lives of them and their children. As I listened to him he reminded me of all the strongly opinionated people with very few facts who try to make themselves sound more intelligent then they are. At the same time, as he stammered, “the market is interconnected”…I could see a legion of people at home going, “ohhhhh”. I’m no economist…but frankly when I hear Bush speak on the subject I start to feel like a genius. I realize what the American public truly wants is not to feel challenged. We are a nation of star quarterbacks who didn’t go to college. Prom queens who’ve gained weight and married someone who’s a loser. We’re a nation that hates Bill Gates success because he represents every geek and nerd that was looked down upon as a teenager and excluded and is now living the life we feel should be ours. While he was actually working we were screwing around and enjoying the fruits of fortune. Now we’re playing catch up. We work crappy ass jobs and the popularity of High School no longer applies. We’re not as in shape anymore. We were never very clever and since we were popular we didn’t have to have a personality. So now we are confronted with a President who is “folksy” (read: stupid and a poor speaker), a guy who shoots from the hip…he’s like the vengence on behalf of all of us. Well…maybe not us. I am really a Barack type of guy…I’ve never been homeless but I did watch my family work hard to provide. I didn’t fit…even amongst a bunch of kids of the same race. I’ve fought and worked hard to get where I am, but I understand that I’m still a subject of criticisim and hatred just because of other peoples preconceptions. Even more important…I’m at the point where I really don’t care. What does annoy me…is that a moron like Bush can be the peoples champion…and they deserve it…but it’s those same people that hate me for nothing and hinder the progress of the rest of us. So, Bush completes America and they deserve him and the nerds still have to suffer…along with the geeks and the people who don’t make up the majority. Whoa unto us all.

I haven’t seen alot of mention about it…well not as much as I should have, but Julius Carry died on the 19th. He played in several movies and several television shows. However, we will honor him mainly for one role….SHO’NUFF. Bow your heads and kiss some Converse in rememberance.

Sho’nuff: Get up, Leroy. I got somethin’ real fo’ yo’ ass in these hands.

Theater Patron: Why don’t you sit down and shut up? Sho’nuff: What? Why don’t I sit down and what?
Theater Patron: I said why don’t you sit down and shut up?
Sho’nuff: Why don’t anybody who wants me to sit down and shut up come down here and make me? Why don’t any fifty of you who want me to sit down and shut up come down here just for the fun of it?

Sho’nuff: I AM the Shogun of Harlem!

Good article about Mr. Carry and Sho’nuff.

“History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of men.”
Blue Oyster Cult

I have an idea that made me think to put this video up…the potential is still there so I won’t type the actual idea. I mean if one of you got paid from it I’d have to hunt you down, steal your money and make your life hell forever….and I kinda had other stuff I wanted to do.

Who the hell can front on Godzilla? Not to mention the fact that this song rocks. I’ve been playing air guitar to this all week long. My mother introduced me to Godzilla back in the day…I haven’t seen all of the movies, but I have seen alot of them. Sometimes I think the real world could use a Godzilla. A big monster that comes through and destroys on some…”Hey I’m the product of all your ignorance and pollution of the planet. I’m gonna start destroying things now.” The problem would be that people would break down along different lines. I’m sure a religion would spring up around him. Some people would want to destroy him. Some people would think he deserves to destroy us. PETA would protest the military. The army would call in Ceasar Milan to see if they could control him and use him as a weapon. Meat Eaters would want a Godzilla steak. Vegans would claim he is revenge for the animals we proclaimed are lower on the food chain than us. Politicans would use him as a wedge issue. “My opponent wants to sit down and reason with Godzilla!”

Godzilla actually is charming. Parent groups would want him destroyed for the sake of our children. PETA would counter by asking, “What about Godzuki?” It would be a whole mess. Plus there would be porn fetish sites set up for the twins and they’d be too busy to call Mothra.

Makes me think of the Watchmen…since the movie will come out soon I won’t get all into it. Look it up if you want…but you might ruin the plot for yourself.

“Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.”
Jules de Gaultier

I feel like a Renaisance man because I get as excited at the thought of a 1969 Shelby Cobra GT as I do when I think about getting more memory for my new computer that already has 2 gigs…don’t get me started on slaving the old harddrive.

I never felt the threat of the Joker until I saw The Dark Knight Saturday…for those debating it…Jack’s version sucks in comparison.

I sometimes think I’d like to get into a sword fight.

I think my roommates cat always knows what I’m saying…but picks what to respond to.

Sometimes in my head I think like a Lolcat.

I haven’t looked…but I’m sure there is muppet porn out there.

Sometimes I wish I was from Scotland…so I could identify myself as a Highlander…not like the movie…the phrase just sounds cool.

In movies people get mad and start breaking things from anger…if I ever do that it’s because I’ve always wanted to and have been presented with the chance to get away with it.

I want to buy a boot knife.

I keep having thoughts of being disrespected and instead of punching or yelling…grabbing the person by the throat and talking to them like I’m explaining some paperwork.

Venture Bros. is the shit.

I’ll feel like a true success when I get to have a mini-bar in my office.

I don’t fawn over babies, I like kids that can talk. So when there are sibilings present, a baby and an older child, I talk to the older one so people don’t have to a chance to ask them what they think about the baby.

I’m never scared of peoples dogs…I worry if the person will get mad if I have to hurt their pet cause they didn’t have it under control.

I still want to learn to surf.

X-Games > Olympics.

When I think of being a movie character I don’t think of being the hero…I think of being the guy that goes to fight approaching enemy warriors to give the hero more time to do….whatever.

I wish saturday morning cartoons were better…I hope by the time I have kids they are, I don’t want to have to watch crap with my kids.

Baltimore’s main business is tourism…and I keep wondering what people are coming to see.