Eye on the impossible, grips on the intangible. Happily pissing into the wind and teaching your children to do things that make me laugh for over a quarter century.
“Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.” Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil’s Dictionary
So I was watching clips of Bush addressing the Nation and I really realized something. The country deserves him. The more time I spend on the internet reading people’s comments and just listening to folks…this country probably deserves a moron in charge. They deserve someone who they’d drink beers with to make decisions that will have an effect on the lives of them and their children. As I listened to him he reminded me of all the strongly opinionated people with very few facts who try to make themselves sound more intelligent then they are. At the same time, as he stammered, “the market is interconnected”…I could see a legion of people at home going, “ohhhhh”. I’m no economist…but frankly when I hear Bush speak on the subject I start to feel like a genius. I realize what the American public truly wants is not to feel challenged. We are a nation of star quarterbacks who didn’t go to college. Prom queens who’ve gained weight and married someone who’s a loser. We’re a nation that hates Bill Gates success because he represents every geek and nerd that was looked down upon as a teenager and excluded and is now living the life we feel should be ours. While he was actually working we were screwing around and enjoying the fruits of fortune. Now we’re playing catch up. We work crappy ass jobs and the popularity of High School no longer applies. We’re not as in shape anymore. We were never very clever and since we were popular we didn’t have to have a personality. So now we are confronted with a President who is “folksy” (read: stupid and a poor speaker), a guy who shoots from the hip…he’s like the vengence on behalf of all of us. Well…maybe not us. I am really a Barack type of guy…I’ve never been homeless but I did watch my family work hard to provide. I didn’t fit…even amongst a bunch of kids of the same race. I’ve fought and worked hard to get where I am, but I understand that I’m still a subject of criticisim and hatred just because of other peoples preconceptions. Even more important…I’m at the point where I really don’t care. What does annoy me…is that a moron like Bush can be the peoples champion…and they deserve it…but it’s those same people that hate me for nothing and hinder the progress of the rest of us. So, Bush completes America and they deserve him and the nerds still have to suffer…along with the geeks and the people who don’t make up the majority. Whoa unto us all.
“Not for myself I make this prayer
But for this race of mine
That stretches forth from shadowed places
Dark hands for bread and wine”
Countee Cullen
So I went to the Governors Grants Conference on Monday. First I have to say…can we all stop with the themes? Jerry Macquire was a few years back so making the them “Show Me The Money”, while appropriate just kinda grates on my nerves. What’s worse is that was a pretty mild one compared to some that I’ve been to.
Anyway so inbetween writing down websites, figuring out who I can target for funding and going outside to smoke cloves, I actually did get some good information to share with all of you.
You can’t work in my field without keeping an eye on politics. Regime changes and new policies have an impact on where we will get money from and if we will be able to…not to mention how much money will actually be around. In addition to people from the state government we had a lot of people from the federal government.
First thing you would be interested to know:
Marcia Howard is the Director of Federal Fund Information for States…if you want to know what federal money goes to what state and how much you should call her…reporters I’m talking to you as well. Anyway she let us know that Sarah Palin (despite the record profits I keep hearing about from oil) has gotten more money for Alaska in recent years then any other state as received…save for two states in one year…Mississippi and Louisiana…I’ll let you figure out which year that was.
During lunch the Keynote speech was given by Ray Scheppach, Executive Director of the National Governors Association. He was a kind enough gent, but we all wondered if he sat at home staring at a picture of his family while holding a gun in one hand and a bottle of pills in the other. Dude basically has been interacting with every Governer in the country for the last 20 years. He spoke about what we could expect on state levels depending on who was elected President. I’ll spare you the details and just say you have a choice…bad or worse. The issue is that states aren’t going to feel what’s happening now until after the election. He basically said that going by the policies they have outlined things would be bad for us under Barack Obama…and even worse under McCain. We can’t avoid what’s coming and even with fairly responsible approach we’ll still feel the pinch.
Having said that I came up with an idea that, the longer I think about it, could potentially set my career…until I can get it moving I ask you all to send donations…not to me…but to my girl. That way she can be my sugar mama and I can catch Pardon the Interruption in the Afternoon. Thank you for your support.
I haven’t seen alot of mention about it…well not as much as I should have, but Julius Carry died on the 19th. He played in several movies and several television shows. However, we will honor him mainly for one role….SHO’NUFF. Bow your heads and kiss some Converse in rememberance.
Sho’nuff: Get up, Leroy. I got somethin’ real fo’ yo’ ass in these hands.
Theater Patron: Why don’t you sit down and shut up? Sho’nuff:What? Why don’t I sit down and what? Theater Patron:I said why don’t you sit down and shut up? Sho’nuff:Why don’t anybody who wants me to sit down and shut up come down here and make me? Why don’t any fifty of you who want me to sit down and shut up come down here just for the fun of it?
“History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of men.” Blue Oyster Cult
I have an idea that made me think to put this video up…the potential is still there so I won’t type the actual idea. I mean if one of you got paid from it I’d have to hunt you down, steal your money and make your life hell forever….and I kinda had other stuff I wanted to do.
Who the hell can front on Godzilla? Not to mention the fact that this song rocks. I’ve been playing air guitar to this all week long. My mother introduced me to Godzilla back in the day…I haven’t seen all of the movies, but I have seen alot of them. Sometimes I think the real world could use a Godzilla. A big monster that comes through and destroys on some…”Hey I’m the product of all your ignorance and pollution of the planet. I’m gonna start destroying things now.” The problem would be that people would break down along different lines. I’m sure a religion would spring up around him. Some people would want to destroy him. Some people would think he deserves to destroy us. PETA would protest the military. The army would call in Ceasar Milan to see if they could control him and use him as a weapon. Meat Eaters would want a Godzilla steak. Vegans would claim he is revenge for the animals we proclaimed are lower on the food chain than us. Politicans would use him as a wedge issue. “My opponent wants to sit down and reason with Godzilla!”
Godzilla actually is charming. Parent groups would want him destroyed for the sake of our children. PETA would counter by asking, “What about Godzuki?” It would be a whole mess. Plus there would be porn fetish sites set up for the twins and they’d be too busy to call Mothra.
Makes me think of the Watchmen…since the movie will come out soon I won’t get all into it. Look it up if you want…but you might ruin the plot for yourself.
So I worked a 12.5 hour day yesterday. I was (0nce again) forced to work the grill cooking mass amounts of food that I personally don’t eat. So after I was finished bathing in the smoke from hamburgers and doing physical labor that made me question if I actually had an office job or if I was back in a warehouse from my early 20’s…I went home were my roommate has left town and the cat, it seems, closed it self in a room. I know this not only beause she didn’t charge me right away at the front door, but because she was crying…all through the house. After I let her out she treated me like rubbing post. So today I’m not posting…it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care. So look to the left and enjoy my blogroll. I’ll probably spend most of my day on Stuff Black People Hate while I wait to pull jobs on Mob Wars via Facebook. Enjoy…or not…whatever.
“I’d rather piss in the wind than turn the other cheek, you get hit either way but at least it’s reciprocity.” Amadeo
Sit at my feet oh seeker of knowledge and I will share with you these pearls of wisdom.
Make a plan, follow it and enjoy each step like an evil overlord. Most of us obsess about the end results. Not evil overlords. You’ve seen the movies and shows. When one step goes right those cats laugh and rejoice for like 15 minutes. They do think about the end, but they want to savor each and every step of the plan. Be an evil overlord.
Stress is everywhere so I find it best to break things down in to categories. I only have two: Useful and Entertaining. Either I learn something or I laugh at something and it’s that simple. Keep in mind I do have a sick sense of humor and can laugh at quite a lot…but hey it works for me.
I’d rather piss in the wind than turn the other cheek, you get hit either way but at least it’s reciprocity.
People who say numbers don’t lie have never been to a Casino.
People who don’t understand words, understand pain.
Pull people close with one hand and slap the shit out of them with the other.
I’m not arrogant…but if I don’t love me who will?
Make love like it’s the last thing you’ll ever do.
All women are beautiful if you look long enough.
Don’t be afraid of anything lower on the food chain…unless it’s poisonous.
All meetings should take 15 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with talking to yourself or answering…arguing is when something is wrong.
The only time to take hints are when:
You are the third wheel.
The hostages have your friend and there is gun they can’t see.
Someone with a gun yells at you to “pull your socks up”.
All people holding political office are public servants…treat them as such.
No….you can never hold my pen.
Nice guys do finish last…but all the other competition has burned out by then.
Children are little people…they are not all precious and wonderful, some of them are idiots and assholes in training.
As nice of a person as I am, I do have some snobbish traits. I do have certain things I don’t eat, but I’ve never been one of those, “My food was in the same room as something I won’t eat people.” My snob traits aren’t highly visible but I am willing to express them…freely.
I refuse to drink tap water. I feel no shame. I know the water is different in various cities and states but I only experiment with sex. Plus, I was witness to a demonstration for water filters and the quickness with which you absorb bullshit. Spring water for me kids.
I refuse to drink Folgers, Sanka or any other bullshit coffee. My coffee is ground daily. I prefer French Roast or Italian. I’ll make due with Espresso, but no garbage coffee. I also require cream not the powder shit.
I need a Guiness Stout. I may be in the minority but I consider Coronas mexican piss water (don’t get me started on those who put Grenadine in the shit…pussies). Heineken doesn’t do it for me anymore. The last non-stout I had was Harp and I think I faked myself out cause it’s made by the same people who make Guiness. B.T.W….don’t ever bring me malt liquor. ***Update**** I will drink Sam Adams…that shit is good. Cherry Wheat, Cream Stout or Summer Ale please.
I will only use Listerine. This is more mental. I like clean teeth and the burning sensation is like a placebo. If nothing is happening at least my mind is fooled.
I hate namebrand clothes and choose by fabric. I shun polyester with a passion, it doesn’t breathe. Rayon….kiss my ass. Linen, Silk, Cotton, Irish Linen, Raw Silk, Wool…natural fibers ya’ll. Synthetics can burn in hell.
I only write with a Bold, Black, Uni-ball Vision Elite pen (sometimes the caligraphy pen, but thats for special things). Until I buy something more expensive and refillable, anyway. I refuse all others and subsequently I often refuse to let anyone else use my pen. I will search for ten minutes for any other pen, while I hold mine in my hand, but I won’t let people hold it. So sorry, can’t help you.
Name brand food. The name brand whore in me works for food. The worst thing is when someone finishes off something of mine and replaces it with some store brand crap. Rite Aid brand spring water?!?! Curse you!
No Bootleg Movies. Someone is always suggesting a good bootleg guy and I retch like preppy stuff shirt. I want the DVD with the extras, ok. I want clear quality. Why would I pay half price for a low quality copy with no extras. This ain’t the early 90’s with bootleg music. I can even find that online before I buy it. I would never taint myself with such grainy distorted filth.
No fu-fu booze. Perhaps I am in the minority, but I don’t want any “new” hooch. Scotch, Vodka, Tequila, Gin, and other things that have been around will suffice. No glowing shit. No sugary-sweet shit. I want it to slide down my throat and spread it’s fiery wings in my chest.
Emcee snob. No your favorite rapper does not impress me. Yes, the whisper song sucks. No Biggie and Tupac are not the Greatest of All Time. If you know nothing of Melle Mel’s verse on Beat Street don’t start this conversation. If your favorite emcee is too hard to live than I’d like to kill him. If half of his album sounds like a cheesy B-movie with a bigger effects budget than a storyline…he/she sucks. Hip Hop is over 30 if none of the people you listen to sound like it than you don’t want to ride with me.
“I would like to make a toast to lying, stealing, cheating and drinking. If you’re going to lie, lie for a friend. If you’re going to steal, steal a heart. If your going to cheat, cheat death. And if you’re going to drink, drink with me.”
“Let’s drink to California, way out by the sea, Where a woman’s ass, and a whiskey glass, made a horse’s ass of me”
Anonymous
If I don’t get a Sidecar soon I’m going to kirk out and beat a waitress to death with her serving tray. Twice in 4 days I’ve tried to get one and they both looked at me like was retarded. Look, I know you’re used to dumbasses ordering Fuzzy armpits or Sex in the Backseat or whatever stupid ass drink that Cindy and Todd have 5 of before they end up at an abortion clinic a few weeks later, but come the hell on. This shit has been around since World War 1. If you were at a high class establishment you would have to know how to make it…or at least know to take the order and then find out what it is. It’s a drink not a homemade bomb…I’m sure it’s not hard. Hell I could make one and I’ve never been to bartending school. Next thing you’ll be telling me you can’t make a Gin Martini…I’m sure if I asked for a Apple/Mango/Pinapple/Fruitsalad-tini you could bring me that shit. Additionally if I can tell you what’s in it and at what proportions why are you still looking at me like I just ordered grilled baby arms? This is the problem with being almost 30. Establishments fall all over themselves trying to get 18 - 25 people year old into their clubs and to buy their clothes. The only ads targeted to me are for cars (I’m going to kill the people that put the “black” car ads on BET - so what if I know where I come from I still don’t want a damn Ford!!!), home loans and phone service. Them cat’s don’t have the disposable income that I do!!!! Ya’ll better get your priorities straight. It was bad enough when I was young and asked for a shot of whatever and I’d get a plastic cup. It was bad enough when you wouldn’t have Guiness. It’s killing me that all these places have Sam Adams but only the plain lager. Now I can’t get a damn Sidecar. I swear that I will bring the Wrath of a medievel God down upon the head fo the next person who doesn’t act like they get tips for bringing drinks. Don’t ya’ll have one of those elementary school drink cards with pictures that show you how to make drinks.
Here you go everyone get your pen and paper ready:
Esquire Drink Book
1956 SIDECAR (1)
2/3 Brandy
1/3 Cointreau
Dash of lime juice
Shake with very fine ice; strain into frosty cocktail glass
SIDECAR (2)
(50 Million Frenchmen…)
1/3 lemon juice
1/3 Cointreau
1/3 cognac
Shake with cracked ice; strain
The customer was an American Army Captain…can Cindy and Todd tell you who invented or first ordered the Flaming Dr. Pepper? An Incredible Hulk? A Sex on the Beach? A goddamned flying fruit fantasy-tini?!?!?!?! I think not. Either you guys get some class or I will climb behind the bar, make the drink myself and use my Zippo to burn the place to the ground.
WWWD: “Goin’ feral don’t mean I’m goin’ stupid. It’s just that I’m beginnin’ to see other people in a different light… I’m beginnin’ to see some o’ them as prey.” Wolverine
“I shall be waiting to reward your genius, or to have you beheaded for terminal stupidity! I have spoken.” Cobra Commander
That’s right, I have toys. I couldn’t help but buy them when I saw them. My childhood reached up and spoke to me. This is what it said,
“GET THAT SHIT MAN!!!! What you don’t wanna buy a toooooy in front of your lady? You better buy that or I’ll give you some issues to deal with on your birthday. That’s right, you don’t get it and I’ll make sure that you’re buying a motorcycle and a leather jacket when you turn 40. You know you want it, I know you want it…hell she knows you want it. Buy it or I’ll throw a tantrum right here.”
Yeah…G.I. Joe is having it’s 25th anniversary and I saw this:
What young man that watched G.I. Joe or played with the action figures did not love Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow? Lame ones that’s who. I have probably owned at lest 4 variations of Snake Eyes….3 of them have been stolen from me. Those were the days. My cousin would come over and we would spend hours setting up some scenario. Once we were ready to actually play…it would be time for him to go home. I was hurt when I thought Duke was going to die in G.I. Joe the Movie. Oh Yeah…I did get the William “Refrigerator” Perry mail in action figure.
Hell Yeah.
Sadly when I got older…my grandmother saw fit to give them all to my cousin. Which is quite depressing now because some of the 25th anniversary joints are re-releases of figures I actually had. Between them and my Star Wars toys I could own two homes by now…thanks guys really. I’m going to bring this up at Thanksgiving…believe that.
There is a G.I. Joe movie coming out soon…I’m not psyched that Marlon Wayans is in it….but Ray Park playing Snake Eyes is bad ass.
If you think I’m just weird and one of those old geeks…I’ll throw my mother under the bus by saying she (I am to) is now hooked on Ninja Warrior.
“In giving advice, seek to help, not please, your friend.” Solon (638 BC - 559 BC)
Write down the advice of him who loves you, though you like it not at present. English Proverb
So as usual when I surf the interwebs I have come across controversy…not really. Most internet controversy is never really controversial. It’s just a reimagining of Godwin’s Law:
“As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.”
This one involved Black Women and relationships. This topic always brings about chaos and thrusts the souls of those nearby into purgatory for however long they keep reading. I won’t go into what started…I don’t have to. Just say black women and marriage or relationships, discuss…you’ll probably end up with the same basic comments. Instead of rehashing I’d just like to build on something I’ve noticed. So here is my message to black women in general:
Who said you were a good woman? - That’s right. Mind you no one denies the existence of dead beat dads, lame brothers and so forth. It does bother me that I see large groups of women discussing them and wondering why they can’t find a good man. I heard that Micheal Baisden asked this question, but I don’t listen so I’m asking it myself. Who said you were a good woman? I mean if you use a class room analogy - there a some A students, some D students but the majority are B and C students. A students never have to complain about the bell curve, it’s the B, C and D students that it bothers. Elementary my dear Watson. If you take a random sampling of 50 black women…how often are all of them truly good women?
To put it another way…take an actual good women then count out 49 women she knows that are single…how many of them would she be willing to try and hook up with her brother (if we consider that he is actually a good man)? I’m pretty certain she’s going to whittle that number down a nice amount. She probably wouldn’t be willing to call all of them her friends. I’m pretty sure that there would be at least 15 out of the group that the sister in question would tell her brother he should avoid at all costs.
All of you are not angels and plenty of you suck. Those of you who may not suck should not let the ones who do slide.
You’re young and obviously not ready - What’s the deal with all the complaints I see from people younger then 25 about how there are no good men and they may never get married? The average age of a college graduate is about 21…probably older. So why the hell would your entire life be set less then 5 years after you graduate? Hell, some of you haven’t even been legally able to drink for longer then a year!!! You are not close to being an old cat lady. You are still, in fact, young…if you are not married by the time you are 24 it does not mean you’ll have to be artifically insemenated. Slow down. This also leads to my next topic:
Come to the Grey area there’s plenty of room - It’s fine to have standards. It’s ok to create lists of traits you would like to see in a mate. The problem is if your list is too specific and not meeting every quality means automatic exclusion from your dating pool. You are not going to find a deaf/mute with a 5 pound dick and a trust fund. You may find a spiritual, educated man with a career and a home…but he might not be 6′ 3″ and like dogs - get over it. Additionally stop putting things on the list that you don’t have. If you live with your mama you can’t demand a man who owns a home. If you don’t want someone who lives with their mama…why would someone who doesn’t want you? If you list starts with money, homes, cars or career…prepare to end up with an asshole who spends all his time away from home. Having priorities and standards is required…having specific physical traits, salary requirements and educational levels is pretty dumb. A college education does not ensure intelligence…if you went to college you should know this. Every professional person I know works for or with a very well educated idiot….all that school means is someone was able to remember and recall information that was given to them. There are people working at Starbucks that I trust more then some executive directors. I understand not wanting to be with a broke ass person…but really the more money someone makes the bigger the chance they are an asshole. Mostly because people like you held that trait in such high esteem that they n0w feel like they can get who and whatever they want…thanks.
100 ways to please/get/keep a man by…some lady - It’s a good thing that you are willing to take advice…really. But get some better sources. Here is a list of people not to take advice from:
Your bitter ass friend who can never keep a man.
Your bitter ass friend who recently got divorced.
Most magazines.
Your friend that is the only one who doesn’t know her man is crap.
Unmarried single mothers with 6 kids and 7 baby daddies.
Single people who have had a total of 3 relationships…the first one during high school, the other 2 lasted a total of 2 years.
Dudes who are trying to sleep with you.
Your guy friends, who you’ve never met a girl they were dating (see above).
Your friend who gave up on even dating, much less having a relationship.
Good sources of advice:
People (men or women) who are happily married and don’t pretend their relationship is based on fairy dust and kittens.
Old married couples who are not crazy and have only thought about killing each other (they never actually tried).
People who admit to their own personal faults, have regrets and tell you what you should do instead of what the other person needs to do.
People who will point out the mistake your Significant other and you are making.
Guy friends who are not assholes and are commited to a woman (not just with, but actually commited).
Me (I keed, I keed)
He did it, He did it - Frankly, unless you have authority over someone blame is useless…you can’t make them do anything so it doesn’t matter. Time would be better spent focusing on ourselves and the choices we make. All of these issues are cyclical and rely on both sexes accepting behaviors from the other.
If every man got himself together, soon so would every woman because those men wouldn’t be trying to deal with trifling women.
If every woman got herself together, soon so would every man because those women wouldn’t be trying to deal with trifling men.
What we have is a situation with shared responsibility, you can never look at it from one side and assign blame to the other. All are accountable. Since I personally can’t change anyone all I can do is hold myself accountable for my actions. I suggest we all do the same.
WWWD:
“If yer expecting me t’ run over an’ give you a lovin’ embrace, yer barkin’ up th’ wrong tree.”
