I know most people have been working under the assumption that Lauryn Hill was driven crazy by Rohan Marley. I submit that he was probably the end of the process. So I recently borrowed “The Score” to add to my iTunes/iPod etc. I used to own it…but despite losing it, the version I bought was a cassette and I’m not built for that transfer. So anyway I load it up and I’m rocking it all this morning and something hit me. I recall thinking about it the first year I had the album, but now looking back it just has more meaning to me. My friends…The Fugees had hate in their heart. Now I know you’re wondering why I’ve come to that conclusion, you’re probably suspecting me of some shenanigans. When you listen to the album for yourself you’ll see what I’m saying. Everyone who is a fan, emcee, producer or has any history with Hip-Hop knows this simple truth: The best verse goes last. This is the point within a group where you find out who knows how to be honest and humble. When you write a verse you’re trying to produce the best you can. When it’s time to put the song together, you have to do what’s right for the song. So if the verse that you knew was the best one in the universe isn’t quite as good as the one your partner wrote…they need to go last. It’s different if there are two people, because you need a strong opening as well. So switching back and forth between first and last is easy. When there are three or more people then you start to find out what the deal is. A weak verse can be hidden between two stronger ones, a strong verse can clean up behind two weaker ones. Three weak verses means go get job applications. The hardest and at the same time easiest scenario is several strong verses. It’s not so much a matter of which is better, but which is appropriate for each slot. This is when humility and honesty really comes into play. When your verse is great and ends up in the middle you can feel a certain way when you don’t accept that the others were built more to open and close the song. This is leads me to the insanity that is “The Score” as good of an album as it is, NO ONE come close to touching any of Lauryns verses. The problem is that she is either first or in the middle of just about every song on the album! I’ll present the best example/worst offender of the whole bunch….Manifest.

Just for the record I’ll include the text version of her verse.

You see I loved hard once, but the love wasn’t returned
I found out the man I’d die for, he wasn’t even concerned
And time it turned,
He tried to burn me like a perm
Though my eyes saw the deception, My heart wouldn’t let me learn
From um, some, dumb woman, was I,
And everytime he’d lie, he would cry and inside I’d die.
My heart must have died a thousand deaths
Compared myself to Toni Braxton thought I’d never catch my breath
Nothing left, he stole the heart beating from my chest
I tried to call the cops, that type of thief you can’t arrest
Pain suppressed, will lead to cardiac arrest
Diamonds deserve diamonds, but he convinced me I was worth less
when my peoples would protest,
I told them mind their business, cause my s*** was complex
More than just the sex
I was blessed, but couldn’t feel it like when I was caressed
I’d spend nights clutching my breasts overwhelmed by God’s test
I was God’s best contemplating death with a Gillette
But no man is ever worth the paradise MANIFEST

Look…there are certainly some better verses out in the universe….but I’ll be damned if there are many. Something no one can deny is that this man:

(Picture added so you can boo him on sight)

This man, Pras, has NEVER put together a verse that could touch anything that Lauryn has ever done. That acoustic MTV album….still better then anything he ever did, has done or will ever do.

SO HOW IN THE HELL DOES HER VERSE GET PLACED BETWEEN WYCLEF AND ONE WRITTEN BY THIS INDIVIDUAL WHO CLAIMS TO BE ABLE TO RHYME!?!?!?!?!

What the hell type of shenanigans came about to make that happen? Not only that stellar verse on that one song…but through most of the album. I understand that a group may not want to keep the same order going….but frankly Pras should almost never be the last person to spit on a song. Maybe if you get various friends of famous emcees and give them a song…perhaps then. When you have Lauryn Hill….NO! I contend that whatever type of insanity had Lauryn Hill placed in stupid positions on songs was the beginning of her fall into insanity. I blame those two dudes for not cherishing a precious gem and talent in Ms. Hill and instead putting their ego ahead of all logic and common sense. Thanks guys…thanks a fricking lot.

Dear Michael Steele,

Damn you. Damn you straight to the darkest and hottest pit of Hades. Honestly, I can’t say I didn’t know this is why you were made Chairman of the RNC. The country gets a black guy, they go get a black guy I get it. However, your response to Jimmy Carter has officially determined who you are. There are some things I take on faith. If the state of Texas says a man shouldn’t be executed, I’ll go with that. When an 80-something year old white man who was raised in the south suggests people are being racist against a black man…I tend to believe him (especially when there was already proof). I watched your response and every signal I’ve seen since your election coalesced until before me was the result of 5 versions of Uncle Ruckus forming a House Negro Voltron. Your election was suspect from the start. Then I cringed internally as Michelle Bachmann “praised” you with a shout of “You be da man!”. Even worse than thinking of every time personally or in the periphery I’ve witnessed some white person make an awkward attempt at relating by regurgitating not just slang…but ebonics, I had to deal with but the embarrassment of you throwing out slang left and right. It became clear that even after only a month your own party was uncomfortable with you in a leadership position. Something I attributed to racism…because hell, it had only been a month. Then you…The Chairman backed down from Rush Limbaugh. When you said what Limbaugh does is “incendiary and ugly” I thought that maybe you at least had a spine. You proved me wrong quite quickly. You know what? You are the Leader of the Party…they elected you. Limbaugh is an entertainer and what he does is incendiary and ugly. So I watched you respond to Jimmy Carter. The more you spoke the less I heard. My head started resounding with with quotes from old movies. “They’s good white folks!” Mind you, it’s already bad enough when one person tries to speak and cover for the venom of others. In light of everything I’ve seen thrown at President Obama, to watch you declare how wrong Jimmy Carter is (meanwhile Limbaugh called him America’s Hemorrhoid) – it broke a dam that was inside of me. Now I have to say it, “There is no word to describe you, Uncle Tom (Uncle Ruckus), House Slave…none of them are good enough”. I hope to not even hear you speak anymore. I don’t know how you can even look at yourself in the mirror. You are worse then any black person they trotted out to speak against Malcolm X and you aren’t even opposing someone as radical. You are worse then a token. You have become the icon of self-hatred and denial in my mind. Worse then calling you a race traitor…you have betrayed your humanity in the name of politics. You are worse then a Remora Fish to everything black. I could keep on describing things that are low, but it would do no good. There is no appropriate word to describe you. From this point out when I need a horribly insulting description I will just use your name.

If you’re reading this you can see I’m in the midst of a do-over. I didn’t make up my mind to stop blogging. I just acted really lazy. However, I should have known, there are too many stupid people doing stupid things in the world for me to stop pointing them out. Hang tight. I have a rant coming later.

Die. I know you feel great. You’re really doing something positive and you want to let everyone know. You’re so bothered that I’m not going to sign your petition or whatever the hell it was. I’ll ask you to refrain from trying to lecture me about global poverty and making snide remarks about me “taking a vacation from saving the environment today”. Ahem: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE HELL I DO FOR A LIVING?!?!?!?! I’ll tell you what you stick a pledge sheet for my organization on your clipboard or get some employers to say they’ll hire some of my clients and I’ll sign your crap. I saw more of you guys standing around than we can even afford to employ. I am Mr. Human Services all week long and I don’t want to use part of the first vacation I’ve had since November to dick around with you. Come back and talk to me when you’ve been doing that shit for almost a decade and then try and lecture me. Not to mention you have no idea who I am. I might be developing a sustainable form of energy for use in third world countries. I might be building a house out of recycled materials that I pull out of the gutter. Really all that’s not important. I said I’m not interested so just let that stand. In my mind you’re no different from the guy that was trying to sell me Nestle Crunch when I got back home. Both of you pushed it too far and made me want to put you in the camel clutch. Leave me the hell alone. Especially since there are like 50 of you guys standing in a 10 block radius I don’t want to hear anymore of your talking points. You have two choices: 1) Die away from me. 2) Concentrate on summoning Captain Planet. By the way…you should find a new means anyway….how in the digital age are you gonna save the environment while all of you are out using paper? Way to go…you could have saved some trees by putting this online. Oh, and global poverty guy. I’m fucking poor and I work with people who make less than me. Cry me a damned river. I’ll let you wipe your eyes on my overdue student loan notices…there’s plenty of them. In short when you see me and I say:
No thanks.
I’m good.
No, but good luck.

Enjoy that along with a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

Sincerely,

Not the robots. The city…I’ve been watching over the last few years and my city is changing all around me. Some of it is good, some of it is cool, some of it sucks arse. It makes me think about my younger days and the things I loved in the city. More than anything it reminds me that you can’t manufacture cool. Let’s hold up two areas for comparison.

Charles Village:

around late 90’s early 2000 I spent alot of time around this area. I could walk there from where I grew up and I knew a lot of people who lived in the area. The majority of them were college students or dropouts who lived in the apartments all around. The rent wasn’t crazy, but at that age you needed roommates and they were mostly Three story converts so each had some personality to them. Golden Temple was right next to Wazobia’s so you could buy (if you had the money) a Carlton Marshall and some incense then grab a dope salad (best salad bar ever). A few blocks down Charles St. there was Concious Heads where you could get a cut and buy a book. You could walk to the park and kick it or eat on a roof top of one of the apartments. There were decent liquor stores in the area so you could always get a Stout and even some Woodchuck cider if you felt like it. Perhaps it was the high number of students (and drop outs), but there were alot of artists in the are. I can think of two different recording studios on one block not to mention what may have been tucked away. In a word…it was cool. Harmonic convergence kind of cool. Even if for some reason no one I kne was home, I could still go to Charles Village and kick it. More than likely I would randomly meet someone who I become familiar with….especially the opposite sex…Charles Village was a great place to meet women. Either at Golden Temple, a Hopkins party (sisters at Johns Hopkins were so lonely) or just randomly in the street. There were also several “black market venues” in the area. It makes me glad I’m reformed because then I learned that the sad part about dudes who sold weed was that they tended to be home so everyone could get to them, but nobody hung out with them. I always felt a mixture between wanting to invite them along and wanting to hurry up and leave to do my thing. Ahhhh youth. I’m quite sure I heard more new music, wrote more songs, tried more food and flirted with more women in Charles Village than any other place in the city.

Harbor East:

This is the new….when I was really running around this town there was no Harbor East…it was just the end of President st. You could walk through Little Italy to get there…but the only reason would be to get to Fells Point (which was and still is cool). Now there are several things in this area…Whole Foods, Landmark Theatre, Roy’s, Teavolve (which used to be closer to S. Broadway)….there’s a lot of stuff there. The problem with it is this: it feels like it’s trying to be cool which makes it a pretender. I like Landmark…I go to that Wholefoods…I just don’t have the urge to hang out in the area. Harbor east is like that kid that had all the new toys and video games…but no one wanted to go there house. You would avoid them to hangout in someone’s yard throwing rocks. It wasn’t that you didn’t like them…they just tried to hard so they weren’t as much fun. Plus they relied on their toys too much. Harbor East I think, has a bad location if you really know Baltimore…there’s good food in Little Italy and on S. Broadway. The Harbor has a bunch of stores and food spots, but S. Broadway has just as many and you don’t pay tourist money. If you want to do both you can jump on a water taxi that will take you to the heart of either. Harbor east is literally surrounded by these areas and on the south side…water. The area was plenty of new condo’s and parking garages there’s a good place to buy wine and some cool stores. Yet it’s just not cool.

This is what happens when people try to manufacture cool. Charles Village had things in the area to patronize, but it was cool mostly because of the people that came into the area. Harbor East doesn’t have that. Actually it never will. I mentioned this to my girl and she quoted some show that said if you want to find an “up and coming” area, look for where artists live. Eventually that area will be built up and this way you can get in before it prices rise. The bad part about this is…once it’s all built up the artists won’t be able to live there anymore so what initially made it a cool area has been pushed out by….people’s desire to live in a cool area. You can’t manufacture cool…you can be cool, you can join in on cool…but you can’t build it from the ground up, not when we’re talking about a city or part of town. It’s not about stores and design that make and area cool it’s about what happens there. Hampden is similar to a lot of places in various cities…but how many bother to have a festival? South Broadway benefits from it’s proximity to the Harbor and the Water Taxi, but there are stores there that attract certain people. In the end you get a decent mix of people. However, that area has been like that for years. The Harbor has been there for years….but no one really wants to hangout there either. Most people I know wonder why tourists bother to come there in the first place. You can’t manufacture cool.

“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’ “
Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)

I had to give it up. I had a long love affair with Starbucks…but as a vocational counselor it’s hard for me to support a place that fires someone I know on some bullshit. Can’t do it. Now I go to Peace and a Cup of Joe…where the owner is behind the counter. Cheaper, still quality and I can catch some ESPN with my Mocha. Take that bitches.

In other news. Deadliest Warrior now owns my Tuesday nights. Pitting two types of warriors from different time periods may be the greatest idea ever. I totally knew that the Apache would own the Gladiator. This show also reminded me to not go to every website (again). Nothing is more sad than 13 year old boys crying because they didn’t like how things turned out. Just because you guys loved the movie Gladiator does not mean they could beat an Apache. Deal with it. Most of them are stil mad because there hasn’t been a Pirates vs. Ninjas episode. Next week…Pirates vs. Knights….ahhhhh.

I have made up my mind that along with being able to kick Chuck Norris’ ass - Bruce Lee should be recognized as one of the great philosphers of the 20th century.

Heroes season finale tonight….Wolverine on Friday…Ahhh.

My job has moved us back up to four days a week. Who can turn down the money, but man do I miss sleeping in on Monday. Greeny and Golic how I miss you.

Dear USPS,

I have given you a new name. The United States Penis Service. I feel this is appropriate because you seem to have a nature of fucking me. May I present exhibit A:

Now lookit….my man Dallas sends out some cool shit. Not some overly expensive items. Not some rare item I’ll never find again. He just sends out some cool shit. I can understand you needing to take it from me. What I don’t understand is why in the flaming fuck you would feel the need to still send me the empty envelope!?!?!?!?! You not only fucked me, but you sent me the proof that you fucked me. You didn’t even send it an one of those “this item has been damaged” joints. No. You just sent the envelope on as if nothing had ever happened and everything was ok. You fuckwits. If was to show up and rain blows down upon your staff I would be wrong wouldn’t I? Why it gotta be like this? Don’t make me seek my revenge. Let this happen again. Let me miss out on some potentially cool shit again. I will cause trouble. I will call everybody. I will forward pictures. I’ll take sick days and spend them bitching to everyone I can. I’m too pissed to even continue discussing this. Fuckers.

With Malice,

Amadeo

WWWD:

“You’re the one who oughtta be shakin’ ‘cause I’m about to carve you up into sushi.”
- Wolverine

For a long time people have asked a question and today my friends, after the bitter wars and hard fought battles, I have come to answer that question. MJ vs. Prince….Who wins?

My friends I have come to tell you…Prince is the winner.

I’m not even getting into who may or may not have touched little boys. Considering I am a fan of both that discussion kills a part of my childhood as well.

If it pleases the court I will now present conclusive evidence that the winner of the eternal debate, who is better Prince or MJ, is Prince.

Total Albums: Prince 22 (2 live), MJ 9.5 (HIStory is half a greatest hits and half new and since I didn’t include Princes Hits albums I can’t give MJ a whole 10) Winner: Prince

Number of Good Albums: (Universally accepted)Prince -6 , MJ -4 (Total Possible) Prince 9 - MJ - 5
MJ’s first two are mostly cover songs. I’m not sure how many of us can say they own any Prince albums after The Gold Experience (though Rave Unto the Joy Fantastic has good remakes - still remakes.) Winner: Prince

Number of Movies: Prince 5, MJ 5 - Tie

Number of Movies anyone wants to see: Prince 1, MJ 1 (I mean Captain EO? Thriller - it was dope but that’s not really a movie. I think we’ve all seen Moonwalker…but c’mon. I know some folks who like a Prince movie other than Purple Rain…but that’s the “accepted film.)
Since Purple Rain was actually his movie and MJ was just in The Wiz…. Winner: Prince

Songs written for other people: I couldn’t find any for MJ…I’m including 10 of Princes because a few of these I didn’t know about - Prince has written and produced hits for: MC Hammer [(Pray) included because of heavy sample of When Doves Cry], The Bangles(Manic Monday), Sinead O’Connor(Nothing Compares 2 U), Stevie Nicks (Stand Back), Sheila E. (Love Bizarre - which is great to dance to), Patti LaBelle (Yo Mister), The Time (Jungle Love), Chaka Khan (I Feel for You), Sheena Easton (Sugar Walls), Martika (Love…Thy Will Be Done -
probably the worst performing of all these it did reach #5 in the UK). In the case of Nothing Compares 2 U he not only wrote a hit but he came back and performed it waaaaaay better. Winner: Prince

People/Groups made Famous by the artist: Prince: 4.5 (They may have known O’Connor in the UK, but his song introduced us to her thus the .5), MJ: 0 (Unless you count Bubbles)

Business wise: Winner is Prince…he still has his money.

Prince knows his strengths. Prince is a strength. HITS FOR HIMSELF AND OTHERS. MJ has hits…but he has written and produced how many on his own? Prince is the sole source of his hits. Hell…the first band he was with had good songs and Prince refuses to even acknowledge them. Let’s take it a step further, Prince has lied and given credit to other people for writing things so he could have other creative outlets ( The Time,The Family). The importance of this is that you have to look to the Quincy years for MJ for the biggest hits and most solid albums with Prince every time you get: “Produced, Arranged, Composed and Performed by Prince.”

Did I mention this stat: Oscars: Prince 1, MJ 0

Prince was also inducted into the Rock and Roll hall of fame the first year he was eligible…3 years before the Jackson 5 and 7 before MJ as a solo artist.

Everyone who’s been around as long as those two have dated sounded songs. The difference is between the
two of them Prince still has more of an established sound than MJ. The question of influence is quite serious. Elvis is influential, the Beatles are influential, Jimi Hendrix is influential (more than MJ, Prince and most examples we could name)….but in the question of MJ vs. Prince only one of them has introduced other people. As a matter of fact MJ had to get collaborators for his last album (Eve anyone?) to help bring him back to the fore…and I haven’t even seen a copy of it in the possesion of anyone I know. Both of them had problems with their label…Prince gained popularity from his…MJ basically just lost money (Which is why the last album didn’t do as well as it could have).

The Rolling Stone list of Immortal Rock Legends puts Prince at 28 and MJ at 35. Also, Prince will whop your ass on the basketball court (in heels!) and then make you pancakes!!!! I don’t think MJ can even shoot a ball.

“I don’t think about risks much. I just do what I want to do. If you gotta go, you gotta go.”
Lillian Carter

Now, lets take some time to look at the steps that have brought the Anhedonic cat you’ve all grown to know and love (or just laugh at) to where he is in his life. While I do think things through, it’s because of experience and wisdom more than knowledge. Let’s just say having blisters all over the palm of my hand is the way I learned the iron gets hot. So now let us take a stroll through recollection and see some of the things that have shaped me into the twisted individual I am.

1 year + - When we lived in an apartment in Texas I once knocked out the screen in the window and climbed outside. Me and my trusty Dukes of Hazzard car were going for a walk. This is actually one of my first memories. So after a brisk jaunt through the complex I went home. The problem being that all those doors looked alike and I didn’t know numbers and letters. So I picked up a newspaper wrapped in plastic inserted my car into it and started banging on a door Eventually my mother picked my up from behind and whisked me home. Ahh…exploration.

2 years + - In the middle of our apartment complex there was a nice sized swimming pool. One day as I walked my mother to do the wash. I made up my mind to impress her with my swimming ability. With a quick shout of “Look Ma!” I made a beeline for the pool and jumped in the deep end. Of course I had never swam in my life. Thankfully my mother was a champion swimmer in the Airforce. This was also when I learned that your mother shouting the word “Boy” can function as cursing.

4 years - After moving to Bmore My family quickly learned that I was an unusual child. For one thing I was very literal. Telling me to do things like, “Throw this glass in the sink” resulted in alot of broken glasses and a policy change in how I was given instructions. This might be the reason my grandmother still details every step of what she is asking me to do even though I’m an adult. I also used to run with my head down until I hit the porch doors so maybe she thinks I rattled something.

5 - 6 years - Most of the fights in my life have been with people larger than myself (Bully issuess). Well one time I was saved from fighting. There was some teenager (asshole) who thought it was funny to stick his air rifle in the ground and shoot a clod of dirt in my face. I did not see the humor. I didn’t consider that this kid was almost twice my size I was just mad. So He promptly got a punch into the best place I could reach. No not the nuts, but the place I find most fun. The diaphragm. Luckily my aunt realized that it was best to pull me on in the house while dude stood there trying to get his breath.

9 - 10 years - I have mentioned this before, but…look I really used to like the movie “A Christmas Story” and during that time we had an old refrigerator with coils at the top. One morning as the movie was on before I had to leave for school, I happened to be looking in the fridge and I got to wonder…you know the pole scene and all. Well lets just say I sounded just like that kid as I called for help (except for the crying and screaming) I was saved and my mother made me go to school anyway. For the record I was not really thinking, it was an impulse…shut up.

21 years - This is a big forward, but it’s a good illustration. One fine payday I walk to this club spot that has been many things but was at this time (and still is today) called Gordon’s. Someone I know was having something and I had no plans so I went. The event was o.k. but I really wasn’t in the mood and there weren’t that many people. So I end up chilling at the bar and kickin it with the two female bartenders. So I’m ordering drinks and I realize I should have something different. So I started asking them to suggest things. Since most of the people were upstairs I was able to hold their attention and they started getting into it. They would suggest I would give a thumbs down or try the suggestion. Before anyone thinks that I was getting suckered by the cute bartender, I paid for about $30 in drinks that night, I easily drank $60 or more worth of booze. The bartenders really got into it and started thinking up drinks to see if I had tasted them before. They even made up a drink and named it after me. Don’t ask me what was in it. As I stumbled my ass home I knew it was a bad idea…but it sure was fun.

“You know what’s interesting, though? You’re as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.”
Jon Stewart to Tucker Carlson

You all know I think Ed Reed covers whatever portion of the earth that water doesn’t. However, cable television has it’s own version of Ed Reed and his name is Jon Stewart. Last week he did a segment on alot of the CNBC financial experts giving horrible advice leading to the amazing race to the poor house that’s going on right now. For some reason other shows (which normally try to ignore Stewart since he does a better job then them) started talking about it and they focused on Jim Cramer. For some reason that can never be justified…Cramer went ahead and responded. In doing so he has provided me entertainment for quite a while. See kids, the thing is this…Jon Stewart will respond…Jon Stewart will take things to the Nth degree while showing clips of you saying what you now deny. I’m pretty sure if he got on me for some reason I’d just have to catch him in a back alley…it’s the safer method. Is it just me or did Cramer miss what happened when Tucker Carlson went up against Stewart. That established rule #1…Jon Stewart will come on your show and make you look stupid. In fact after his appearance Crossfire got taken off the air. No. He must not have because he keeps on responding. Too bad for him that Stewart won’t just “rise above and ignore it”. Now my friends…I get the delight of Cramer actually going on The Daily Show on thursday. Normally, I might not think much of such a move…the thing is that Stewart is not an easy interviewer. This is the man that grilled Scott McClellan after he wrote a book criticising the administration he worked for. Other shows asked him about his bravery and if he and the President would still talk…Stewart basically said, “You were part of it and in regards to the press you were the face of it.” Once again I heart Jon Stewart.