Q: Bishop, you’re crazy!
Bishop: You know what? Last time you said that, I was kinda trippin’, right? But now, you’re right. I am crazy. And you know what else? I don’t give a fuck. I don’t give a fuck about you. I don’t give a fuck about Steel. I don’t give a *fuck* about Raheem, either. I don’t give a fuck about myself. Look, I ain’t shit. And you less of a man than me, so as soon as I figure you ain’t gon be shit, *pow*! So be it. You remember that, motherfucker. ‘Cause I’m the one you need to be looking out for… *partner*!

The other night Juice was on the telly and I stopped for a few because my lady had never seen it (I was shocked). Mind you, I’ve seen Juice plenty of times. It’s the movie that showed me you could really live it up when you cut school (note to self..make sure my kids never read that line). As with all things, seeing it at 30 I saw some things I hadn’t noticed before. One of them being that Tupac played one of the greatest roles in a film ever (yes, ever). Bishop was a perfect character…you see who he can be early on, you see him moving from fear into power into all out crazy. I was able to point out the exact moment after he killed Rahiem that he transitioned. Watching him at the house after the funeral is a chilling scene. Beyond the new revelations there are somethings I have always thought about when I watch Juice. You can tell alot by who people really look to in those movies. I identified with GQ…being caught up in a situation and looking for a way out. It always amazed how many people looked at Bishop like a he was the man (notice how popular Tupac got after that role?). As I came to realize, he was just one of many cautionary tales that people would instead use as a guide on how to live.

Here are my two picks for the most innappropriate “heroes” and their counterparts.

Bishop (Juice) -Crazy is the first term that comes to mind. A better description is the embodiment of “I Gave You Power” by Nas. He starts out as kind of scrappy dude with problems, but once he gets his hands on a gun he (self-admittedly) goes all the way crazy and just doesn’t care. He schemed, plotted and basically went on a spree of murders (accomplished and attempted). Any redeeming quality he had was gone within the first 15 minutes of the movie. To top it all off, without a gun he had to be saved from daily beatdowns by the person he ended up killing.

The Alternate:

GQ (Juice) – Dude really just wanted to kick it with his crew, his older woman and DJ. By going along with his friends in something he wanted no part of he basically ends up having his whole world fall apart around him. He wasn’t tough until he was put into a position to get tough or die.

Tony Montana (Scarface) - You had to see this coming right? So I understand the whole “worked his way up – hardbody – kingpin angle”, but look at what happened. Dude got a lousy woman, was a coked out psycho and eventually got killed. There really wasn’t a “hero” aspect to him. He wasn’t Robin Hood or anything. He sold drugs, took over operations and died with an M-16 as his only friend. Whisky Tango Foxtrot!?!?

The Alternate:

Carlito Brigante (Carlito’s Way) – While he started out in life as a criminal, the entire movie is about him trying to get away from that life. Unlike Scarface he reasons his way through just about everything. He’s telling you before hand what effect everyones action is going to have. Even when he makes a mistake he explains it and regrets it. More than anything this line always stood out to me: “If you can’t see the angles no more, you’re in trouble.” That’s rare in a movie to have the main dude admitting he’s losing his edge. Despite going out at the end, dude spends most of the movie getting laughed at for wanting to go join a car rental business.

I want to say people just cherry picked these movies. I mean how do you make a hero out of the person who goes down in flames? Carlito does get killed, but he also gives his girl the money to get away with their child. Q doesn’t want the rep he earns by the end of the movie. Nobody gives props to Q. More people will cite Scarface then Carltio’s Way. Yet, Bishop and Tony both really had no place to go but down. Bishop actually summed up the situation the best. He felt like he wasn’t anything and now he had the power to make anyone else into nothing. From one standpoint I understand people identifying with Bishop as he starts out, but it doesn’t make sense to walk the path he chose if you’ve seen his example. Yet, many people have and continue to do so. There was a study completed recently here in Baltimore. One of the main points they hit was that 99% of youth victims and perpetrators of violence had some kind of record that indicated they needed intervention before they were ever involved in violence. Not only are we faced with a bunch of Bishops who want to be Tony Montana…but we know who they are beforehand. Despite all those killed or incarcerated over drugs people will still see that as a way to come up in the world…even when all evidence points to the contrary. What makes it worse is that despite being emaulated, Bishop had no real moment of glory. He was still poor, still in the same hood and judging by what Sweets had in the fridge…he didn’t even have the best gun. I guess it’s like Kurosawa said, in a mad world only the mad are sane.

Die. I know you feel great. You’re really doing something positive and you want to let everyone know. You’re so bothered that I’m not going to sign your petition or whatever the hell it was. I’ll ask you to refrain from trying to lecture me about global poverty and making snide remarks about me “taking a vacation from saving the environment today”. Ahem: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE HELL I DO FOR A LIVING?!?!?!?! I’ll tell you what you stick a pledge sheet for my organization on your clipboard or get some employers to say they’ll hire some of my clients and I’ll sign your crap. I saw more of you guys standing around than we can even afford to employ. I am Mr. Human Services all week long and I don’t want to use part of the first vacation I’ve had since November to dick around with you. Come back and talk to me when you’ve been doing that shit for almost a decade and then try and lecture me. Not to mention you have no idea who I am. I might be developing a sustainable form of energy for use in third world countries. I might be building a house out of recycled materials that I pull out of the gutter. Really all that’s not important. I said I’m not interested so just let that stand. In my mind you’re no different from the guy that was trying to sell me Nestle Crunch when I got back home. Both of you pushed it too far and made me want to put you in the camel clutch. Leave me the hell alone. Especially since there are like 50 of you guys standing in a 10 block radius I don’t want to hear anymore of your talking points. You have two choices: 1) Die away from me. 2) Concentrate on summoning Captain Planet. By the way…you should find a new means anyway….how in the digital age are you gonna save the environment while all of you are out using paper? Way to go…you could have saved some trees by putting this online. Oh, and global poverty guy. I’m fucking poor and I work with people who make less than me. Cry me a damned river. I’ll let you wipe your eyes on my overdue student loan notices…there’s plenty of them. In short when you see me and I say:
No thanks.
I’m good.
No, but good luck.

Enjoy that along with a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

Sincerely,

Not the robots. The city…I’ve been watching over the last few years and my city is changing all around me. Some of it is good, some of it is cool, some of it sucks arse. It makes me think about my younger days and the things I loved in the city. More than anything it reminds me that you can’t manufacture cool. Let’s hold up two areas for comparison.

Charles Village:

around late 90’s early 2000 I spent alot of time around this area. I could walk there from where I grew up and I knew a lot of people who lived in the area. The majority of them were college students or dropouts who lived in the apartments all around. The rent wasn’t crazy, but at that age you needed roommates and they were mostly Three story converts so each had some personality to them. Golden Temple was right next to Wazobia’s so you could buy (if you had the money) a Carlton Marshall and some incense then grab a dope salad (best salad bar ever). A few blocks down Charles St. there was Concious Heads where you could get a cut and buy a book. You could walk to the park and kick it or eat on a roof top of one of the apartments. There were decent liquor stores in the area so you could always get a Stout and even some Woodchuck cider if you felt like it. Perhaps it was the high number of students (and drop outs), but there were alot of artists in the are. I can think of two different recording studios on one block not to mention what may have been tucked away. In a word…it was cool. Harmonic convergence kind of cool. Even if for some reason no one I kne was home, I could still go to Charles Village and kick it. More than likely I would randomly meet someone who I become familiar with….especially the opposite sex…Charles Village was a great place to meet women. Either at Golden Temple, a Hopkins party (sisters at Johns Hopkins were so lonely) or just randomly in the street. There were also several “black market venues” in the area. It makes me glad I’m reformed because then I learned that the sad part about dudes who sold weed was that they tended to be home so everyone could get to them, but nobody hung out with them. I always felt a mixture between wanting to invite them along and wanting to hurry up and leave to do my thing. Ahhhh youth. I’m quite sure I heard more new music, wrote more songs, tried more food and flirted with more women in Charles Village than any other place in the city.

Harbor East:

This is the new….when I was really running around this town there was no Harbor East…it was just the end of President st. You could walk through Little Italy to get there…but the only reason would be to get to Fells Point (which was and still is cool). Now there are several things in this area…Whole Foods, Landmark Theatre, Roy’s, Teavolve (which used to be closer to S. Broadway)….there’s a lot of stuff there. The problem with it is this: it feels like it’s trying to be cool which makes it a pretender. I like Landmark…I go to that Wholefoods…I just don’t have the urge to hang out in the area. Harbor east is like that kid that had all the new toys and video games…but no one wanted to go there house. You would avoid them to hangout in someone’s yard throwing rocks. It wasn’t that you didn’t like them…they just tried to hard so they weren’t as much fun. Plus they relied on their toys too much. Harbor East I think, has a bad location if you really know Baltimore…there’s good food in Little Italy and on S. Broadway. The Harbor has a bunch of stores and food spots, but S. Broadway has just as many and you don’t pay tourist money. If you want to do both you can jump on a water taxi that will take you to the heart of either. Harbor east is literally surrounded by these areas and on the south side…water. The area was plenty of new condo’s and parking garages there’s a good place to buy wine and some cool stores. Yet it’s just not cool.

This is what happens when people try to manufacture cool. Charles Village had things in the area to patronize, but it was cool mostly because of the people that came into the area. Harbor East doesn’t have that. Actually it never will. I mentioned this to my girl and she quoted some show that said if you want to find an “up and coming” area, look for where artists live. Eventually that area will be built up and this way you can get in before it prices rise. The bad part about this is…once it’s all built up the artists won’t be able to live there anymore so what initially made it a cool area has been pushed out by….people’s desire to live in a cool area. You can’t manufacture cool…you can be cool, you can join in on cool…but you can’t build it from the ground up, not when we’re talking about a city or part of town. It’s not about stores and design that make and area cool it’s about what happens there. Hampden is similar to a lot of places in various cities…but how many bother to have a festival? South Broadway benefits from it’s proximity to the Harbor and the Water Taxi, but there are stores there that attract certain people. In the end you get a decent mix of people. However, that area has been like that for years. The Harbor has been there for years….but no one really wants to hangout there either. Most people I know wonder why tourists bother to come there in the first place. You can’t manufacture cool.

“You can’t even comprehend what I am! I’a a force o’ nature — the beast in the wild! That little runt you’re all so scared of is nothin’ but a pale imitation o’ me!”
—–
“It’s Latin. Back in the days of the Roman Empire. ‘Quod sum eris.’ ‘I am what you will be.’ No matter where you go, no matter what you do or don’t do, it can’t be stopped. You are going to become… me.”
Sabertooth

In honor of the Wolverine movie coming out and the fact that geeks usually have something to complain about when comic movies are made, sometimes I’m one of them, I thought it would be interesting to look at one complaint about the film from a different take. The biggest group of complaints about any comic book movie rests in getting things right. If it wasn’t like that in the book many geeks won’t like it. However, sometimes there is a bigger issue with the comic than the movie…that issue my friends…is retcon. So here’s the complaint I’m working with:

Geek voice: “Wolverine and Sabertooth aren’t brothers.” That’s true…now. The relationship between Sabertooth and Wolverine is complex and depending on what writer was working on the books at the time it has changed…a lot.

1. Same Person, kinda - John Byrne drew a face for Wolverine and upon learning that John Romita Sr. had done one that had been used…he turned this character into Sabertooth a villan for Iron Fist

3. Father - After creating Sabertooth Byrne, who had fought to not have Wolverine dropped early on, wanted to make him Wolverine’s father (Chris Claremont wanted this as well). Later writers didn’t.

3. Brother - Origins depicted Dog Logan as Wolverines half-brother (who hated him) he had a strong resemblance to Sabertooth and it was revealed that this was going to become a possible origin of their fued. (The writer didn’t intend this, but said it wouldn’t bother him if another writer did it later). Later writers didn’t.

4. Members of rival clans - Some story line in another book had them as members of rival Wolf and Bear Clans that had been fighting throughout history. Other writers did not pick up on this.

5. Son - It’s a different continuity for certain, but in the Ultimates they made Sabertooth Wolverine’s son.

6. Lupines - So a continuing Arc is has some dude named Romulus as a mastermind behind the experiments and tampering done with Wolverine. This dude has an interest in all the “Feral” type mutants. In this arc Sabertooth has been used as one of Wolverines “handlers”.

7. Teammates - One thing that hasn’t changed once established is that at one time the two were teammates working for the CIA and they were both part of the Weapon X project that gave Wolverine his Adamantium skeleton.

8. Rivals - This also never changes…so much so that at one point Sabertooth was apart of the X-Men and when Wolverine heard (he wasn’t around at the time) he came straight to the Mansion and the two of them started scrapping.

8. Whatever comes next - A retcon is a tool for a writer to change something in a stories history. Or for a different writer to toss out his predecessors idea so he can do whatever he now wants. So down the line who knows what the relationship will be?

WWWD:
Wolverine: “I… urkgl.. wanted to know what you… what you meant by.. ‘quod sum eris.”
Creed: “What? You ask me that now after all these years? You can go to hell.”
Wolverine: “Been there. They got your bed all made up and ready for you. Got a feelin’ though. A real sick feelin’, Creed.. that we’re going to be sharing a room together down there.”

“I don’t think about risks much. I just do what I want to do. If you gotta go, you gotta go.”
Lillian Carter

Now, lets take some time to look at the steps that have brought the Anhedonic cat you’ve all grown to know and love (or just laugh at) to where he is in his life. While I do think things through, it’s because of experience and wisdom more than knowledge. Let’s just say having blisters all over the palm of my hand is the way I learned the iron gets hot. So now let us take a stroll through recollection and see some of the things that have shaped me into the twisted individual I am.

1 year + - When we lived in an apartment in Texas I once knocked out the screen in the window and climbed outside. Me and my trusty Dukes of Hazzard car were going for a walk. This is actually one of my first memories. So after a brisk jaunt through the complex I went home. The problem being that all those doors looked alike and I didn’t know numbers and letters. So I picked up a newspaper wrapped in plastic inserted my car into it and started banging on a door Eventually my mother picked my up from behind and whisked me home. Ahh…exploration.

2 years + - In the middle of our apartment complex there was a nice sized swimming pool. One day as I walked my mother to do the wash. I made up my mind to impress her with my swimming ability. With a quick shout of “Look Ma!” I made a beeline for the pool and jumped in the deep end. Of course I had never swam in my life. Thankfully my mother was a champion swimmer in the Airforce. This was also when I learned that your mother shouting the word “Boy” can function as cursing.

4 years - After moving to Bmore My family quickly learned that I was an unusual child. For one thing I was very literal. Telling me to do things like, “Throw this glass in the sink” resulted in alot of broken glasses and a policy change in how I was given instructions. This might be the reason my grandmother still details every step of what she is asking me to do even though I’m an adult. I also used to run with my head down until I hit the porch doors so maybe she thinks I rattled something.

5 - 6 years - Most of the fights in my life have been with people larger than myself (Bully issuess). Well one time I was saved from fighting. There was some teenager (asshole) who thought it was funny to stick his air rifle in the ground and shoot a clod of dirt in my face. I did not see the humor. I didn’t consider that this kid was almost twice my size I was just mad. So He promptly got a punch into the best place I could reach. No not the nuts, but the place I find most fun. The diaphragm. Luckily my aunt realized that it was best to pull me on in the house while dude stood there trying to get his breath.

9 - 10 years - I have mentioned this before, but…look I really used to like the movie “A Christmas Story” and during that time we had an old refrigerator with coils at the top. One morning as the movie was on before I had to leave for school, I happened to be looking in the fridge and I got to wonder…you know the pole scene and all. Well lets just say I sounded just like that kid as I called for help (except for the crying and screaming) I was saved and my mother made me go to school anyway. For the record I was not really thinking, it was an impulse…shut up.

21 years - This is a big forward, but it’s a good illustration. One fine payday I walk to this club spot that has been many things but was at this time (and still is today) called Gordon’s. Someone I know was having something and I had no plans so I went. The event was o.k. but I really wasn’t in the mood and there weren’t that many people. So I end up chilling at the bar and kickin it with the two female bartenders. So I’m ordering drinks and I realize I should have something different. So I started asking them to suggest things. Since most of the people were upstairs I was able to hold their attention and they started getting into it. They would suggest I would give a thumbs down or try the suggestion. Before anyone thinks that I was getting suckered by the cute bartender, I paid for about $30 in drinks that night, I easily drank $60 or more worth of booze. The bartenders really got into it and started thinking up drinks to see if I had tasted them before. They even made up a drink and named it after me. Don’t ask me what was in it. As I stumbled my ass home I knew it was a bad idea…but it sure was fun.

“You know what’s interesting, though? You’re as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.”
Jon Stewart to Tucker Carlson

You all know I think Ed Reed covers whatever portion of the earth that water doesn’t. However, cable television has it’s own version of Ed Reed and his name is Jon Stewart. Last week he did a segment on alot of the CNBC financial experts giving horrible advice leading to the amazing race to the poor house that’s going on right now. For some reason other shows (which normally try to ignore Stewart since he does a better job then them) started talking about it and they focused on Jim Cramer. For some reason that can never be justified…Cramer went ahead and responded. In doing so he has provided me entertainment for quite a while. See kids, the thing is this…Jon Stewart will respond…Jon Stewart will take things to the Nth degree while showing clips of you saying what you now deny. I’m pretty sure if he got on me for some reason I’d just have to catch him in a back alley…it’s the safer method. Is it just me or did Cramer miss what happened when Tucker Carlson went up against Stewart. That established rule #1…Jon Stewart will come on your show and make you look stupid. In fact after his appearance Crossfire got taken off the air. No. He must not have because he keeps on responding. Too bad for him that Stewart won’t just “rise above and ignore it”. Now my friends…I get the delight of Cramer actually going on The Daily Show on thursday. Normally, I might not think much of such a move…the thing is that Stewart is not an easy interviewer. This is the man that grilled Scott McClellan after he wrote a book criticising the administration he worked for. Other shows asked him about his bravery and if he and the President would still talk…Stewart basically said, “You were part of it and in regards to the press you were the face of it.” Once again I heart Jon Stewart.

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
Mark Twain

If you are ever in the press and you are among the few who get to attend the first Presidential press conference of a new administration, do not ask the C.I.C. about A-Rod taking steroids. There is a financial crisis, unemployment is sky rocketing, we are at war, there is a black president, Iran hates us, Russia hates us, China owns us, companies are shutting down left and right….and you ask what the President thinks about A-Rod taking steroids. I think the man who asked this question should be hunted down and beaten with a bag of nickels that have been boiled. Ask the President a real question. Matter of fact don’t say anything…watch Helen Thomas for a while or something. Jesus-jumped-up-palomino.

“It’s just natural at this point,” … “You want to score. We talk about it on defense, we do it in practice”
Ed Reed

Well, well, well…I see you cowering over there associated press. Yeah, you guys fronted on my man Flacco, fronted on Harbaugh and now just an hour after my last post I find out you fronted on Ed Reed. I hope you all burn in Hell.

Did I mention that only one person who you guys voted an award to is still in the Playoffs? (Harrison: DPOY)

Manning: MVP - out
Ryan: ROY - out
Smith: COY - out
Pennington: CPOY - out
Brees OPOY: didn’t even get in (but I don’t have a problem with this one)

It’s clear you guys love to suckle at the Manning teet…I expect that. You really pissed me off with no votes for Flacco or Harbaugh, though…I mean none…not one? Even Belichick got one vote. Rookie coach makes it to Playoffs with rookie QB and that’s not worth a vote? You unreconstruced whelps of a whore. Then you go and have Ed Reed in 3rd Place? You bastards. I see how it is. That’s alright. Here is my argument and then I’ll leave it be.

Flacco:

Flacco’s numbers 257comp. 428 att’s. 60.0perc. 2,971 yards 6.9 average 14 td’s 12 int’s 80.3 rating
Ryans numbers 265 comp 434 att’s. 61.1 perc. 3,440 yards 7.9 average 16 td’s 11 int’s 87.7 rating

Hardly a blow out
Factor in Ryan had better recievers and played a weaker schedule there isn’t much difference.

Flacco played 7 of the top 10 defenses including the #1 defense twice
Ryan played 4 of the top 10 defenses
Matt Ryan - The average ranking of the defenses faced by Ryan - 20.125
Joe Flacco - The average ranking of the defenses faced by Flacco - 12.312

Ryan faced 4 playoff teams. Those teams have a combined record of 39-24-1.
Flacco faced 6 playoff teams. Those teams have a combined record of 69-26-1

Ryan faced teams with a combined record of 88-119-1 (LOSING RECORD). A winning percentage of .420
Flacco faced teams with a combined record of 112-94-2. A winning percentage of .538

Flacco faced the Bengals, Browns, Raiders, and Jaguars (who have a combined 18 wins)
Ryan (who faced the Raiders as well) faced the WINLESS Lions and TWO teams with 2 victories each (KC and St. Louis). Those teams have 9 total wins.

Ed Reed:

Led the League in INTs.

Set a new record for longest INT return (topping his old one).

Recorded 264 INT return yards. (In 2004 he set the record with 358)

Anchored a Defense with 2 starters on IR and another missing a few games.

All this with a nerve impingement in his neck and shoulder.

You guys suck and I hate your stupid sucky faces.

Dear Sports Media,

What is the big deal? As a Ravens fan I am disturbed and I have finally come to the point where I have to say something. Perhaps you guys have lost track of something you mention all the time…parity. Due to your position your mind is probably already running down how the salary cap has resulted in parity, blah, blah, blah. With this being the case it would be nice if you injected some parity into your reporting. Getting to the heart of the manner…in a league defined by parity how can you still pay more attention to the “classic” teams? People love to throw out that stat about the last place team in the NFC south taking first place the next year. Yet, even if they haven’t done anything, there is still more reporting on teams that were strong before the salary cap came about. Meaning that I have to watch reports all week about if McNabb is on his way out of Philly instead of about how the Ravens actually won the game. In addition I get passing references to how Ed Reed broke his record for the longest interception return for a TD. That acheivement is reduced to “one of Philly’s turnovers”. How is it that when Carolina, Baltimore and Atlanta win in week 10 I still see more coverage about the Cowboys…who were on a bye week!!!! Despite the fact that the only one of these teams that isn’t in a better position in their division is currently tied with the Cowboys. Certain phrases are bandied about that should be abolished. “Flying under the radar” is one…you’re the media, if someone is under the radar it’s because you are not talking about them. I understand history and it’s importance, however we watch because of what’s happening now. I watch sports news because in addition to my team…I want to know what’s going on with the league as a whole. I don’t mind at the end of the season when there isn’t any focus on teams that are not in the playoffs. I understand that. When the playoff picture is still unclear, however, I want to hear about everything equally. Who thought the Giants would be the Champions last season? Who thought when Drew Bledsoe went down that Tom Brady would be this good? Who thought that when Tommy Maddox went down the Steelers would go on to win the Superbowl? Who that the Ravens would go on to win the Superbowl after not scoring any offensive touchdowns for four games? We never know what may happen in any given game or season. That’s why I rely on you to tell me what’s going on. I don’t rely on you to tell me more about teams that have done better historically then they are doing in the current season. Because there is no parity in reporting…Baltimore, Philly and all fans of football spent all day hearing about McNabb and how the eagles lost…being from Baltimore I’d rather hear about how the Ravens won. Did I mention that Ed Reed broke a record? Yes, it happened on an interception of Kevin Kolb…but one end of that play is going to contribute something to the Football Hall of Fame. The Giants are playing great this year…but their record does not excuse them from playing other teams in the playoffs. The Panthers and Buccaneers, at this point, are in the playoffs, it would be nice to hear more about them (because as of now the Cowboys are out). The Ravens are one game out of the Division lead and still have to face the Steelers. All I ask is that reporting reflects the league as it is. To use a quote that’s used alot in coverage of the NFL…you are what your record is. It would be nice to at least hear about the teams that are playoff contenders. I understand at the beginning of the year, the building of drama and so forth. Once the wins and losses start to add up…that’s what you need to go with. We already have to deal with the fact that some teams play in bigger markets then others, but the national sports media has a responsibilty to be what it is…national. I’m sure that when I’m 45 (unless there are more expansion teams) more attention will be paid to some of the “newer” teams. Despite the fact that some of these teams have been to Superbowls…and even won some, this isn’t the case now. I think back to the Patriots, they weren’t a traditionally dominant team. Now, I always hear about them and they get great coverage, but I do have to consider the fact that by winning 3 out 4 Superbowls in less then 8 years they forced you to. I hope that’s not what it takes to get reported on.

Yours Truly,

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”
Thich Nhat Hanh

So on friday I had an issue. I called my mother early in the day to check on something and didn’t answer her work phone. So I left her one of my usual messages:

“Hello mother dear…this is your son and only child. Luckily I’m not at the hospital dying and unable to reach you. Since I am your only child I’m sure you’ll be able to get in touch with me…especially since I keep my cell phone on…something I obviously didn’t learn from you. But, call me back.”

Yes I am a smart ass…it’s genetic. So I’m waiting for my lunch later that day and I start to feel dizzy…since I normally ignore pain and things of that nature I assumed it was hunger and just hoped the food would hurry up. Then it started getting worse…my vision blurred and I was just off. The food came and I ate…and I didn’t really get better. I stood up to go to the bathroom and had to stand still for a moment. I went outside twice and as cold as it was the air felt great. I still wasn’t back to 100% or even 75%. I felt fricking horrible. All the dizziness even made me feel a little queasy after the fact. Then a suck ass thought hit me…perhaps this is the onset of diabetes….my mother has it, my grandfather did…aunts, cousins and so forth. This would suck, not just cause I’d have diabetes, but because it would be like a present for my 30th birthday…a really crappy present. I’m not sure at the moment…I had a little headache saturday but no more dizziness. It would suck even worse because I had a blood test in the spring and I was actually totally fine. What made friday suck more was I got my co-worker (Ms. Sandi who is a post in herself…hell she might be a whole blog) to drop me at my mothers house. Not only did my mother take the day off but when I get there she is sitting in front of the very thing I’ve been telling her she needs to get me for the last two years….a 50″ inch flat screen. SUMUMABITCH. She said if I wanted I could consider it mine…I just can’t take it out of her house. Goddammit.

Oh…I also worked on saturday…giving out turkeys…I’m a good person…who deserves a 50″ flat screen.

WWWD:
“Most times when I have that fightin’ rage, it’s like ten thousand volts o’ alternatin’ current was zappin’ straight through my central nervous system, but sometimes when I get a hurtin’ even my mutant healin’ factor has to think twice about, it’s like a big black curtain fallin’ down on me.”