“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”
Thich Nhat Hanh

So on friday I had an issue. I called my mother early in the day to check on something and didn’t answer her work phone. So I left her one of my usual messages:

“Hello mother dear…this is your son and only child. Luckily I’m not at the hospital dying and unable to reach you. Since I am your only child I’m sure you’ll be able to get in touch with me…especially since I keep my cell phone on…something I obviously didn’t learn from you. But, call me back.”

Yes I am a smart ass…it’s genetic. So I’m waiting for my lunch later that day and I start to feel dizzy…since I normally ignore pain and things of that nature I assumed it was hunger and just hoped the food would hurry up. Then it started getting worse…my vision blurred and I was just off. The food came and I ate…and I didn’t really get better. I stood up to go to the bathroom and had to stand still for a moment. I went outside twice and as cold as it was the air felt great. I still wasn’t back to 100% or even 75%. I felt fricking horrible. All the dizziness even made me feel a little queasy after the fact. Then a suck ass thought hit me…perhaps this is the onset of diabetes….my mother has it, my grandfather did…aunts, cousins and so forth. This would suck, not just cause I’d have diabetes, but because it would be like a present for my 30th birthday…a really crappy present. I’m not sure at the moment…I had a little headache saturday but no more dizziness. It would suck even worse because I had a blood test in the spring and I was actually totally fine. What made friday suck more was I got my co-worker (Ms. Sandi who is a post in herself…hell she might be a whole blog) to drop me at my mothers house. Not only did my mother take the day off but when I get there she is sitting in front of the very thing I’ve been telling her she needs to get me for the last two years….a 50″ inch flat screen. SUMUMABITCH. She said if I wanted I could consider it mine…I just can’t take it out of her house. Goddammit.

Oh…I also worked on saturday…giving out turkeys…I’m a good person…who deserves a 50″ flat screen.

WWWD:
“Most times when I have that fightin’ rage, it’s like ten thousand volts o’ alternatin’ current was zappin’ straight through my central nervous system, but sometimes when I get a hurtin’ even my mutant healin’ factor has to think twice about, it’s like a big black curtain fallin’ down on me.”

“Seize the moment of excited curiosity on any subject to solve your doubts; for if you let it pass, the desire may never return, and you may remain in ignorance.”
William Wirt (1772 - 1834)

Is it wrong to help someone you don’t really like because it will help you? Especially considering not helping this person may hurt you in the long run. I’ve been monitoring a situation and (as I often do) I have a clear understanding of what someone else needs to do. If I do not assist them in the long run I may have problems. I can help them to accomplish the goal they would like to acheive in a way that bears the least resistance and gives them the most strength…but I only want to do it because of the effect our connection will have on me down the road. Am I wrong? I am the scum of the slum?

“I think you will hear a lot of discussion and goals and slogans during the election campaigns. When there is a reality check I think any U.S. president has to look very hard at the facts on the ground.”
HOSHIYAR ZEBARI, IRAQI FOREIGN MINISTER

So somethings have gone down in the last few. Anyone notice? I’m just trying to stay focused and keep moving. I’m glad that Obama won, but after I watched South Park I realized that alot of people were way too excited. Dude has a hard job infront of him, however he is on task and moving quickly…so at least while everyone else is celebrating he’s putting in work. I’m not really concerned about all the racist bullshit that I have seen in the last few…I expected it. No big surprise. I’m just trying to keep in mind that so far one thing has changed. It doesn’t make people regard me differently and I still have things to do myself. A few people asked me if I cried. I didn’t. Sorry people I’m not really the type to cry. Maybe having a child will do it…who knows. I’m thoughtful more than anything else. Thinking about where I’m headed. Thinking about the attitudes of others. Thinking about the Ravens season (what do you want!). I was impressed at how people came out, I just hope they remain involved. The political process has it’s start on an election day, but it continues afterwards. It’s the follow up that we should be concerned with.

WWWD:

“Nobody ever said I was no Einstein, bub - but you are on the money about me not bein’ a dummy!”
Wolverine

“The body is shaped, disciplined, honored, and in time, trusted.”
Martha Graham (1894 - 1991)

So I’ve been considering exercise. Not like, “hmmm…maybe I will”, but more of what I want to do. You see, I have a fear. I’m scared of having bourgeois muscles. A mentor introduced this concept to me many years ago. If you’re physically fit your body becomes capable of a lot of things. However there is a difference in the body of a person that just works out and someone who works. For example, if you ever see someone who’s so muscle bound they can’t straighten their arms…that’s Bourgeois muscles. As oppossed to someone who looks like this:

I like to use the term “Country Cut”. A strong person who isn’t bulging everywhere and isn’t chiseled…but could hamstring an Ox, whoop your ass and eat a thanksgiving dinner and then go back and work somewhere. These are the cats who gained their physique from work, not a regimen. These are the cats that you really want to have your back…the type that openhanded slap someone and take a layer of skin off cause their hands are calloused. These dudes maybe able to bench press alot, but they also have flexibility. That’s what I’m trying to get to. I’m going to run…but I’ll try to focus on more core exercises and rely on weights a little less then in the past. I realize that the times I was most fit were from action that wasn’t geared towards getting fit. Working in a warehouse, riding my bike instead of catching the bus. Mind you I could go get a warehouse job…but I wouldn’t like the check. I actually thought about buying a bike…but haven’t made up my mind. Riding a bike to work would be cool…save that it’s all uphill on the way home and it wouldn’t mesh for days I wake up late. I almost want to do a Rocky IV thing where I go to snow woods and cut down trees and run in the snow and what not. I could learn to do wood carvings at the same time. When I think of the ultimate in this category it’s always Bruce Lee. With a shirt on dude looks like he’s a skinny ass little guy. But his cuts are the tale of someone who’s done crazy exercise and has pushed his body to limits. The thing is I don’t think he’s done much with weights. His body retained it’s form, it just moved to the peak possibility of that form. I usually wonder how much could he bench press. The thing is most of his form comes from doing. Like those old Kung Fu movies or even Karate Kid…no one says…go hit the gym. They give you some weird ass task that ends 2 months later with you being strong as hell.

” Here go down those 1000 steps and get two buckets of water….500 times and wear these. “

Or one of my favorites:

“Hit this….when you break it you’re done…if you hand breaks…switch hands.”

Perhaps I’ll try to come up with a cross country, calisthenics program where I carry a dwarf holding twenty pound weights in a book bag and pick fights with latinos and islanders playing soccer, then I’ll steal the ball and let them chase me. Maybe.

WWWD:

“Hard to keep my edge up there with nothin’ more threatenin’ than bunny rabbits and bambis.”
Wolverine

Short Round: Indy, I love you. You’re my best friend!

Have you seen this boy?

Look into those innocent eyes and witness what Americans going over seas for pleasure has wrought. Child Labor? Pedophilia? Something worse? Who can say for sure. We do know that he was last seen as a driver for one Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones Jr. He also was taken along through an Indian Temple full of worshipers of Kali Ma…Thuggee cultists. No place for a young child…but that did not stop Dr. Jones. In this Temple Short Round was whipped, and used a slave labor. At one point Dr. Jones even struck Short Round while he was under the influence of the Thuggee “Black Blood”…probably Brandy. Short Round help to liberate the child slaves that were captured by the Thuggee. What did Short Round want? A chance to go to America. After Dr. Jones filled his head with American Baseball and the Yankees and hot dogs…where was Short Round in Dr. Jones subsequent adventures? He probably dropped him at the first orphange in Taiwan and went home. Perhaps Dr. Jones taught him more then just how to drive a car and help him escape from gunfights? Maybe if there had been a Goonies 2 Short Round would have shown up again. Yeah…the eccentric American Professor goes abroad, “befriends” an orphan, endangers his life and tosses him aside. Short Round…Be strong.

Barack Obama’s speech…did you see it? What do you think? Discuss. I’ll give my opinion later on.

“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.”
Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962)

Familiarity breeds contempt. I’m familiar with the term, but one story has made it take on a new meaning for me. Brandon Morris has been the talk of the newfolk. They love to have crime stories, but it’s even better when the person is in custody and on trial. Makes people feel like something is being done or it justifies their lack of faith in the system. As someone who has grown up amidst certain things and works with low income, transient youth, I have some familiarity with how screwed up his life may have been. There’s a flip side to it though. I’ve seen more people get beat up, intimidated, humilated and so forth in schools then anywhere else. Despite being from an era that was more about fighting then killing, I know the feeling of, “I might have to kill dude, cause I wanna live”. I know strike first. I know watch the hustle. I know get over. I’m also intelligent enough to understand courts sending a message, defensive strategies, and so forth. Everytime I see one particular video of this cat, I think “He was going hard and there is no remorse.” It’s kind of an ill feeling. The look on his face does it. He mugs on the camera. It’s one of those mugs that if a dude got it from down the street, he’d think it was time to go see money. I know cats like that to. Cat’s that mug the whole world. Cat’s who used to be different, but over time you realize that even if you were ever close…you might not be safe around him. Like he was a con man…and you know you aren’t working on the same level…so now he sees you as a mark. All he does is take down marks. The type of guy that if he walked into a club today…you’d think it’s about time for you to go. Even if he has no plans to rob the place, you know how close he stays to blowing up. The type of dude that you hope doesn’t come off at your lady. Cause in that position he won’t apologize or back down. He’ll make you backdown or go full out. He expects you to back down. You know you have enough in your life to protect that you should back down. Only problem is you don’t wanna have to deal with him later. Your problem is you’ve learned how not saying that extra thing can prevent the clash. You’ve learned how not caring a little let’s you pass by. You’ve learned you’re a little tired of it all. You know what’s inside you and you know what you’ve been able to do before. Every now and again you get the urge let go on someone and this is the perfect type of person. If he doesn’t really care then you don’t have to either. If he would hurt you without remorse, then you can do the same. You’re hating him. Hating him cause you can’t even go out without coming across someone like him. You can’t even do your job without seeing another him. You go to a mall and run across little scared people trying to convince themselves and others that they are him. He’s the Sabertooth to your Wolverine. You hate him because he is a part of you. The part of you that you supress he has embraced. What he revels in you regret. What you have disciplined he has unleashed. So much so you wouldn’t even express it all aloud, cause you want to be more compassionate than him. But you’ve known plenty people like him…people that went so hard either the cops ended them…or they did enough that someone else had to. When you hear about them going you don’t feel sad…you feel a little relief. That’s one less that you have to be alert around. It’s a fucked up feeling I tell you. Especially when you can become a target cause you your elevation (however limited). You end up being seen as an easier mark cause you won’t want the drama, cause you’ll let it go. You start to hate for even being put in that position. You start thinking you have too much to lose to back down. You’re logic is different now. You have things to fight for. He’s become another person in your mind. You know there’s nothing special about him, he either doesn’t care…or is willing to go far enough to make you think he doesn’t. You start to be angry that he might even think to try you. You understand what you could do and you almost want an excuse. In that moment you no longer care. Worse is you don’t feel anyway about it either. You think fuck him and your thoughts are a mirror of his. Not only do you not feel bad, but you feel like you earned the right. You realize that there is darkness in you and you’re not sure if you’re sad that it’s there or happy that it doesn’t rule you. What a world.

Wyatt Earp: What makes a man like Ringo, Doc? What makes him do the things he does?
Doc Holliday: A man like Ringo has got a great big hole, right in the middle of him. He can never kill enough, or steal enough, or inflict enough pain to ever fill it.
Wyatt Earp: What does he want?
Doc Holliday: Revenge.
Wyatt Earp: For what?
Doc Holliday: Bein’ born.

“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”
Jack London (1876 - 1916)

I’m trying to understand who leaves these long as comments on peoples blogs. I mean spam bots are one thing, but it’s like if Pat Robertson, Tony Robbins, and Michael Moore were combined, imbued with geek powers and spend their time leaving long ass comments in on folks blogs. Once I tried to read one, but I couldn’t even stay with it. It’s like evangelical conspiracy theory blog raiding. Ya’ll know what I’m talking about, I’ve seen some on some of your sites and for those who get spam blocked, you’ve seen them in moderation. These cats need to be beaten with a bag of nickels. I would like to form a hunting party and go find these people. Who’s with me?

“Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. “
Lewis Carroll (1832 - 1898)
So…my ace was shot recently. He was up in D.C. and turning down the wrong side street ended with .44 slugs being propelled through his car. He was able to get away, but not before he took one through his leg. Being that we’re similar in nature I should have known that because he said he was alright did not make it so. I found out this morning that he has nerve damage and may not be able to use that leg. That’s normally bad, but he’s a very physical person (as is the nature of his business) so that compounds the issue. What’s really getting me about this whole thing is what I thought. My first reaction was, “We’re too old for this” and not in a Danny Glover way. See I according to statistics a young black male is ver susceptible to death from a gun shot wound until he’s 26. So when I turned 26 I celebrated the fact that I had made it out of that range. Not long afterwards I started seeing the trends that the age had increased to 28. A month from now I’ll be 29, a little more than a week later my ace will be 30. I thought we were out. I thought we had made it. This bothered me. What bothered me even more is that I have begun to think of getting shot as something that happens to young people. Acne, puberty and bullet wounds. Proms and paramedics. I admit to the sickness of that line of thinking, but I also have to address the truth of it. That it’s much more likely for a young black male to be shot than anyone else. I can think of times in our lives when, while not at the forefront, the possibility of being shot was there. I can think of times that I counted myself blessed that I hadn’t been shot. Near misses and lucky escapes. All of those could be forgotten in the space of a day as I went on about my routine. Just accepting it as a part of life. I thought we were past it. I thought that we had seen the danger zone and made our way through it. I was wrong. I forgot that it wasn’t just the age, it was the people. So those most likely to shoot one of us is growing older with us. It’s just the ones younger than us are more likely than ever to shoot one another. But my graduating class has not left it behind…we probably never will. The glasshouse of my perception is shattered.

I’m gonna live till I die! I’m gonna laugh ’stead of cry,

I’m gonna live, live, live, until I die!

Frank Sinatra

“Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star.”
Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)

So, here we go again. Instead of simply ranting and raving (which I’ll do anyway cause it’s my blog…neener, neener, neener) I will give out awards to those who deserve it. It seems only fitting as I look around and find ignorance rewarded everywhere. So I present my first ever, “Get that Out of There” This is for people who have their head shoved firmly up their ass. The first recipients are:

Tony Harris of CNN:

Various Parents:

A Slew of other folks:

See Bomani Armah has a song called “Read a Book”. He made a video and sent it to BET. To my surprise BET actually played it. I say my surprise because the song was basically ripping Hip-Hop or to be particular Crunk Music. I saw him perform this joint at Afram back in June. His concept was that people listen and the radio plays music that is basically a series of hooks that don’t say anything worthwhile. If figured what if I do the same thing but my content is actually about things people should do. When I heard this song I loved it. I was reciting the lyrics for days. Shortly after it started to pop up on blogs and got alot of praise from my demographic. The problem is, when BET did play it some older folks got mad. They said it wasn’t appropriate for children and it wasn’t a parody. They got mad at BET and Bomani. This is the thing…the video was in cartoon form so by their logic it’s obviously meant for little children. Of course no one over the age of 12 watches cartoons. They also said it a good way to make a public service announcement….cause anytime anyone says public service announcement that’s what it is, even if they play it on a music video show and it’s performed on stage. They compared it to the Electric Company and Seasame st. They got up in arms.

Them (also known as they): Rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble.

There is cursing in the song. There are cartoon figures shaking their booty. My issue is this…dude is making fun of all the other videos on right now. Since it played on BET they had to take the cursing out (just like Bomani does when he performs it). Parents got all up in arms about it, but these same parents aren’t up in arms about all of the other videos that play around this one. It takes me back to Dave Chapelle laughing at Lil’ Jon…”I can’t believe he said skeet on the radio.” No parents got upset over that. On a CNN interview Tony Harris asked if the videos Bomani mentioned played at three in the afternoon. The correct answer (that he dismissed) is yes. My futher problem, as someone who grew up with Hip-Hop and can’t stand most of what’s on now, is that these parents didn’t mind the content of the videos, but when some of that some visual content comes in cartoon form accompanied by chants of read a book there’s a problem. Not to mention if it’s made for kids, why is one of the lines “Raise your kids”. It might be helpful future information, but I’m sure it could be pointed at people who actually have children now…possibly. Anyway you guys peep the video and tell me what you think.